Overthinking with the Overbys

Babies Can’t Read

Jo Johnson Overby & Matt Overby Season 1 Episode 5

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0:00 | 49:44

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This episode is brought to you by ADHD medication supply chain issues and actually getting enough sleep.  We talk joy per dollar, garden construction and why bedtime can really get away from Matt. We unpack the Frida Baby backlash, balance nuance with harm, and answer listener questions on baby gear, vaccines, and caregiving while newly married. Topics include:

• ADHD meds, motivation dips, and realistic sleep goals
• DIY fencing, garden plans, and the cost of action
• Joy per dollar as a home and life metric
• Frida Baby marketing backlash and brand tone shifts
• Creativity paused by stability, naming and color instincts
• Confidence scripts for kids and modeling security
• Bedtime tension cycles and reframing routines
• Researching containers, mobility, BLW, and vaccines
• Caregiving for a parent, marriage balance, and triage

Hey, if you haven’t already, go rate and review the podcast while you listen to these last few minutes!

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Cold Open, Corrections, And Word Nerds

SPEAKER_01

Welcome back to Overthinking with the Overbees. I'm Joe. I'm Matt. And uh I don't feel like we've even really given an intro a single time. We've just been absolutely running into these podcasts. Cold opens. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Cold opens.

SPEAKER_01

Is that what that would be referred to?

SPEAKER_05

I guess so. More in a show context.

SPEAKER_01

I got a lot of DMs about how it's diphthong, not dip thang. Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

I think I think I said diphth first, but then if you look at the phonetic spelling, it anyway. It gives you an A with a symbol on it, and then that looks like diphthong, and that was funny.

SPEAKER_01

Elementary school teachers everywhere were like wrong, incorrect. Eh.

SPEAKER_05

I didn't. I mean, I think the bigger problem is I think I misused at least one or two words of the week last week.

SPEAKER_01

A hundred percent. So you're really gonna have to start doing your work on that. We can't be teaching people words mean what they don't mean.

SPEAKER_05

Well, what I the problem was I said assonance, and then that wasn't correct. Coca-Cola, where it has the same sound in the middle, like that repeats, that's assonance, apparently.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

Alliteration works with vowels and but aquanymus is still safe. Yeah, sure. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, okay. I'll keep using that one then.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. I I do like that we we should probably just start every week with like corrections and corrections from last week's episode. Shit we said that was dumb or wrong.

SPEAKER_02

We just re-record every week the episode talking through everything.

SPEAKER_05

At the end of the series, we have one perfect episode.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I don't know about that. That doesn't sound like the kind of podcast that I want to record.

SPEAKER_05

The same one in perpetuity? Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01

Anyway, tell us about your week. Anything to update everybody on?

ADHD Meds, Supply Issues, And Motivation

SPEAKER_05

Oh man, my week. For those who didn't know, I have ADHD, rampant ADHD, and I have not uh been able to fill my prescription for quite some time. And that might change this week. So I'm looking forward to that.

SPEAKER_01

Something that I have realized, so you've been on the same medication regimen for over a year now. Yeah. And you not having your meds made me realize how well your meds have been working for you. It's amazing.

SPEAKER_05

What's great is I'm changing them.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay. Well, fun.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

It's gonna be an adventure.

SPEAKER_05

It's gonna be so fun. No, uh, part of it is because it'll be easier to actually fill. Yeah. There's supply chain issues.

SPEAKER_01

Yay.

SPEAKER_05

Yay for controlled substances. Yeah. Whole thing.

SPEAKER_01

What else? Anything else to update on?

SPEAKER_05

Uh the problem is when I don't have that, doing stuff uh may or may not happen. It's tough tough to motivate sometimes when that's not happening. So I don't know how much I've gotten done the last week. It's mainly just clinging on for dear life, white knuckling it.

SPEAKER_01

I would like to go ahead and toss in there that you have deeply researched fencing.

SPEAKER_05

That's true. Yeah, we do have some big projects coming up, one of them being fencing. So I'm I've been looking into how to make fencing and how to do that without spending like$15,000.

DIY Fencing Plans And Garden Dreams

SPEAKER_01

I had no idea fences, well, actually, that's not true. I knew fences could be really expensive, yeah, but I didn't know all fences were expensive. And we live on three acres, and right now, what, two of the acres are fenced?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a lot of the back, so it's probably an acre and a half, whatever.

SPEAKER_01

Kind of a crummy.

SPEAKER_05

Kind of. It's a beat to hell chain-link fence. It's a chain link fence that's been there for but it mostly keeps the dogs in, so we've left it because while it doesn't look great, our dogs only escape sometimes. So pretty good fence.

SPEAKER_01

But we've been talking about going to the drawing board at least on portions of it, if not all of it eventually, because my garden is going in. Yeah. Not yet. Right now it's just uh ideas of gardens, but concepts of a plan. Concepts of gardens.

SPEAKER_05

Totally.

SPEAKER_01

I think it's gonna go in though. I think we're gonna do it.

SPEAKER_05

I think so too. I feel like the beds are coming, right?

SPEAKER_01

I haven't ordered them yet.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01

I thought you'd pulled the trigger, so no, I should pull the trigger, but I did not. It's so much money.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I was gonna say, are you waiting to see some some action happen?

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

I pro I no, I feel like the boxes arriving will trigger the action. I don't feel like you know, I I feel like if I wait to order the garden beds until you act, we're gonna be in deep doo-doo. Valid. With no garden beds. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, I'm gonna have to cut like 200 square feet of sod out and move it.

SPEAKER_01

It's more than that.

SPEAKER_05

How many square feet of sod is it?

SPEAKER_01

Um, a lot more than 200.

SPEAKER_05

What are the dimensions?

SPEAKER_01

35 by 35. Oh god.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I might be renting a sod cutter.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01

I'm gonna have a beautiful garden at the end, and I'm gonna grow so much produce and so much food, and it's gonna be a joy. It's gonna bring me joy. Doesn't that make it worth it?

SPEAKER_05

Uh it depends on how much it is, you know. How much joy?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, it's just kidding. Oh.

SPEAKER_05

Dollar per joy. I mean, that's what we're really trying to break down.

SPEAKER_01

Everything in this house is measured that way.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I like to be able to quantify joy and how many dollars worth it is. And we gotta stretch out joy per dollar. I think joy per dollar is probably a better metric.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, I'll keep that in mind.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, dollars per joy is hard to quantify.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, totally.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, that joy was worth$17.95. Like, that's that's tough.

SPEAKER_01

What has given you the most uh joy per dollar?

SPEAKER_05

Joy per dollar. That's a great question. Damn. I don't know. I feel like the answer is maybe something like really cheap that I've used a lot, or what do I like? Oh no.

SPEAKER_01

Panic. Panic. Panic. Your crocs.

SPEAKER_05

I mean, these were$30 and they brought me a lot of joy.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

They are a high uh joy per dollar purchase. If nothing else, usage per dollar is very high.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Um, do you have a good answer?

SPEAKER_01

I have like clothing items that immediately come to mind that my costs per wear are so low, and I have like experienced a lot of joy in wearing them. Most of my really high joy per dollar items would probably be hand-me-downs and sentimental things, though.

SPEAKER_05

Freebies, so infinite.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. I and I'm just really attached to sentimental things.

SPEAKER_05

That's true. You know, you are big on that.

SPEAKER_01

Like I have my childhood dining table in our house, which it's small. It's actually a desk that my parents use because there were only three of us.

SPEAKER_05

Which makes it extra tall, too.

Joy Per Dollar And Sentimental Wins

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I didn't even think about that. Is it taller than a standard? Okay, that makes a lot of sense because that's why mom's chair would roll under it. All these kinds of things that you have to think about when you're making your home accessible. The big problem that we've run into is a lot of tables. My mom's chair won't properly roll underneath. So, long story short, we ended up with my childhood dining table at our house, and I'm so attached to it. I love it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

That brings me a lot of joy per dollar.

SPEAKER_05

Totally, totally. Man, that's such a question that I feel like I should have a good answer to.

SPEAKER_01

You're gonna be thinking on it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah, it's gonna, it's gonna stick with me. And then randomly in the middle of the next topic, I'll think of what it is.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, I thought you were gonna say randomly in the middle of the night. And I was like, that's crazy.

SPEAKER_05

No, that's not how my brain works. When I lay down, I go to sleep. It's again, I don't have a lot of great habits, but I do have oddly good sleep hygiene. And that no, no.

SPEAKER_01

You okay. What's considered sleep hygiene, I guess?

SPEAKER_05

Um, like I don't sit on my phone in bed, or if I get on my phone, but like mostly I lay down and go to sleep.

SPEAKER_01

Okay. I like that. Yeah. I like that version.

SPEAKER_05

I don't know. I I used the word sleep hygiene and then I was like, I don't know how to define it that low.

SPEAKER_01

I just feel like you stay up late. Yeah, but like a lot later than you need to. Totally. But is that not part of it?

SPEAKER_05

I don't think so. I feel like sleep hygiene is like, how well do you go to sleep? Like are you getting staying off screen? Okay. I feel like I should have looked up sleep hygiene before I started talking about it.

SPEAKER_01

I'll give you an A.

SPEAKER_05

But I that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_01

Well, you wake up like not great, though.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, wake up in the morning. I thought you meant wake up at night. I was like, I do not wake up at night.

SPEAKER_01

No. Unless like No, when your alarm goes off, I feel like you're not refreshed. I just recently learned that you're supposed to wake up refreshed. That was huge news to me. What?

SPEAKER_05

The idea that we're like, aren't you supposed to wake up just completely beaten down in the morning? Don't you live your whole life that way and then you die?

SPEAKER_01

I feel like I've always been tired. Like, I don't, I've never woken up in the morning and been like, wow, I feel good. No.

SPEAKER_05

Oh wow. Okay. Even I've like the problem with me is I'm sleeping like four or five hours a night. I've bumped that up to like six or seven now that I'm not on a stimulant because living a lifestyle with no stimulant on four hours of sleep regularly is not uh the I'll tell you, the days really fly by slash never end um on that that experience.

SPEAKER_01

And you're gonna stick with the seven to eight hours a night thing?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I'm gonna try. I think six to seven is probably your sweet spot reasonable while still maintaining some of the stuff we do at night. Sleepy. Sorry, sleepy alert.

SPEAKER_01

So that's going to bed at 10 for you?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, 10 to 11. Okay. Cause like 11 would get me six plus. That's pretty good. Six. If I wake up at five to go work out, five thirty.

SPEAKER_01

Crazy.

SPEAKER_05

What?

SPEAKER_01

I need eight hours, is my floor. I really think nine is where I feel better.

SPEAKER_05

No, that she also goes to bed at eleven or twelve. So in her perfect world, she would start waking up at 8 a.m., which is not that feasible in our life, but no, just uh but I wake up at like 7:30. Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_01

And most of the time I've been going to bed between 10 and 11.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, we've been we've been doing better, which for some people they're gonna be like, how the hell is that better? But let me tell you, 10 to 11 is a lot better than 12 to 1.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. We've been working our way back.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, gonna crack that drink open. With that, Yan, I think Joe's gonna crack open her uh her energy drink. You drinking an Alani today again?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, that's most of uh not every day.

SPEAKER_05

Sure.

SPEAKER_01

I really I only do caffeine, I'm back down. Okay. Postpartum, I was doing not a lot, like I really don't go over 200 milligrams a day. Yeah, but I had been drinking caffeine every single day. And now I'm back to only probably three or four days a week. Pretty good. Pretty good. And less than 200 milligrams.

SPEAKER_05

I'm drinking water today. All water? No. It's got a little lemonade drop in it, but no, I meant like no caffeine today. Oh no, I've definitely had caffeine today. I've weaned off caffeine. If I had no caffeine today, by now I would probably have a pretty severe headache.

SPEAKER_01

Well, just when you said all water, I was very impressed.

SPEAKER_05

I've been caffeinated.

SPEAKER_01

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_05

I have been tapering back, but I have not eliminated it by any means.

SPEAKER_01

Fair. Valid.

Chronically Online: Frida Baby Backlash

SPEAKER_05

Chronically Online, what do you got?

SPEAKER_01

Okay, this week on Chronically Online, and I don't know, maybe all the people know about this now, but it was a huge deal on those who have spent too much time on their phones. Okay. And that is Frida Baby is in huge trouble because of all the sexual induendos on their packaging and marketing.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Because these products are for babies.

SPEAKER_05

Babies.

SPEAKER_01

And why would they say something like that? Like on the babies have no money. Nasal uh the sucker thing.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

The caption in 2020 was something like, now remember, just suck, don't swallow, or something like that.

SPEAKER_05

Okay. But but only with that, like it's on a packaging for a snot sucker, and you don't want to swallow snot when you're snot sucking.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And all of their advertising is a little cheeky that way.

SPEAKER_05

Okay. I can't even say I've noticed. Have they changed it? Have they pitted?

SPEAKER_01

Uh they're retiring a lot of the things that people really freaked out about. But like we have three kids.

SPEAKER_05

The this this we have a lot of free-to-baby stuff. We have seen this marketing then.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

I was gonna say I haven't noticed.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, the whole time we've been parenting.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_01

All of it. And I I think hot opinions, hot opinions. It doesn't bother me that much. People are the the chronically online take is that people are sexually babies.

unknown

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

And my take.

SPEAKER_05

Well, that is a real topic right now.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And I think that that is a real problem. I'm not uh okaying anything like that. What I am saying is I feel like Frida Baby as a product is being marketed to parents.

SPEAKER_05

Again, babies have no money.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and babies can't read.

SPEAKER_05

Their buying power is terrible.

SPEAKER_01

And so I feel like it was more like cheeky comments to it's kind of like having comments like that in a Disney film where it's like a nod to parents to ha ha hoo-hoo. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

Sure, yeah, yeah. There's jokes for adults and jokes for children intertwined in children's movies.

SPEAKER_01

Right. And I didn't see every piece of packaging. So maybe there are some that are just too far or unacceptable. I don't want to make like a sure statement defending. And they came out with a statement, and I read it. It said that they have always been trying to make community and products for adults and to make the grown-ups who are in the season where they have little babies feel less alone in what they're doing. And they found humor to be the best.

SPEAKER_05

I was gonna say there is a there's a degree of like they are making a joke, and that joke, you might not find that joke appropriate, but that's a gray area, of course.

SPEAKER_01

So well, and they also said humor's subjective, and I agree. But the thing is, I I I think it some of them are pretty f funny. I don't know, but I'm not thinking about it in the context of if you want to choose to be offended by something, yeah, you can really bend yourself in a lot of ways to do that. Right.

SPEAKER_05

And if you want to take something uh that's subjective and then take it to the extreme and be like, you meant this terrible thing by it, you can also do that.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and I think I struggle because we live in a time where there's a lot of perpetuating of harm going on through a lot of things. And I personally think that a lot of the people who are up in arms about this branding and everything that it says are probably in the same group of people that are saying, laughing at the joke that uh the president made with the men's hockey team in the locker room. People are just so easily offended and they can't take a joke. And it do you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_05

You're thinking the Venn diagram is pretty circular.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. And and again, I didn't see everything, and I think it's really cool that Frida Baby is taking the feedback and they're pivoting and they're gonna shift their tone. And like I think that that is how a brand should respond.

Humor, Harm, And Brand Course Corrections

SPEAKER_05

Well, I would also assume that during that time they were trying to build their brand. Like Frida Baby is a very established brand in terms of stuff. But during that time, they're looking for different angles, different marketing approaches, what what sticks, what doesn't, what helps build a community that is interested in the brand, what doesn't, you know. And so as you're finding that brand voice, you might not always say the right thing. So obviously now they are established, and so they're gonna go, okay, yeah, like we made mistakes. I think that's great.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Anyway, that's my chronically online for you. That's good.

SPEAKER_05

That's good. I like that. Thanks.

SPEAKER_01

Do you have any thoughts on it?

SPEAKER_05

No, I'm I'm pretty in line with you in terms of just like these things happen, and as long as it's not I like I've I would be very surprised if the idea was to sexualize babies from the brand.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_05

Like what a weird choice for a baby brand.

SPEAKER_01

And I think that people right now are having their worlds rocked by w what's going on with the Epstein files and the release of everything there and all that information. And I think they're they're trying they're more critically thinking about a lot of things, and I think that's really good.

SPEAKER_05

Uh but well, I'm really putting the critical in critically thinking. Like we're looking for critiques, not necessarily an open interpretation.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Right. Uh so I think that's interesting.

SPEAKER_05

Totally.

SPEAKER_01

But I if there's something that I missed on that, I did not go down the rabbit hole of all of that to know further. So if I'm missing something that is just blaring that really changes the scope, let me bring it up next week and tell you how dumb what we said was.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, totally. That'll be top of the show. We'll just be like, turns out it was terrible. And we had a terrible take. Yeah. And we've been appropriately roasted online for it.

SPEAKER_01

So deserved.

SPEAKER_05

Speaking of babies, what do you want to be when you grow up?

SPEAKER_01

When I was a baby, what did I want to be? Or what do I want to be when I grow up now?

SPEAKER_05

That's true. You never grow up.

SPEAKER_01

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a chemical engineer.

SPEAKER_05

That's insane.

SPEAKER_01

I wanted to be a chemical engineer because I wanted to work in like makeup.

SPEAKER_05

Oreo, right? Now that you say that, now I'm remembering. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like I was really interested in how they put together the formulas to do all the different color swatching. Like I've always been obsessed with color.

SPEAKER_05

Okay. That makes a lot more sense.

SPEAKER_01

And I tried to Google and like look up what degree do I get to get the job where they're working in the lab with the colors.

SPEAKER_05

I mean, at that time you might have been asking Jeeves.

Childhood Dreams: Architect And Color Science

SPEAKER_01

Uh no, I was it was Google, but and it told me uh chemical engineering. So I was like, bet.

SPEAKER_05

Got it. I feel like it, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Turns out I hate science.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you're like, I'm fine on math, don't like science, don't really like learning about science. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I mean, that's not true. I like learning about science. Like, I like to sit down with the kids and watch wild crats and like hear facts about animals.

SPEAKER_05

If PBS kids could completely educate you as a chemical engineer, she'd be like, I can do that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

You get it.

SPEAKER_05

Sure, totally. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But isn't that kind of funny? It's wild to me. I always forget. Yeah, I wanted to be an architect.

SPEAKER_01

You still want to be an architect.

SPEAKER_05

I start when I was young, I wanted to be an artist. Then I got a little bit older and was like, I don't know that artist is the most straightforward career. What if I became an architect and I could blend art and math and science into buildings? And that's cool. And then I graduated high school in 2010, and that was just after 2009, just that was just after 2009. Yeah. And there was a bit of a financial crisis recession that happened then, and I was like, uh, I don't think anyone's building buildings. What's a real stable job? And I became an engineer. So yeah, I kind of killed my passions and then just turned it into stability.

SPEAKER_01

That's uh, I guess life ground out the well, and we've talked about you going back to school for uh architecture.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, it's a it's a bit of a process for sure.

SPEAKER_01

It's what three years is the floor or longer?

SPEAKER_05

I think two years would be the absolute floor if you could find like an ideal program that my chemical engineering degree translated to, but realistically it's three plus years.

SPEAKER_01

I still think you should do it. I stand by that. I've always thought that. I think that you would love it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, maybe.

SPEAKER_01

Maybe you're not an artist anymore. You've just quit on that.

SPEAKER_05

The art died. The art in me died, and uh, you know, we've just boiled it down to hard facts and science. You're a good artist. Uh yeah, I'm okay. Like I'm good for somebody who's not practicing.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Matt used to hand make all of my cards.

SPEAKER_05

That's true.

SPEAKER_01

You still sometimes do that. Like a couple times.

SPEAKER_05

Especially now that the kids are a little bit older. Like they like to be involved, and so it's fun to they they insist on making like 15 cards a week. And so when I have an actual purpose to make cards, they're like, Yes. Yeah. And then if they're making cards, I might as well be making cards too. So that's definitely part of it. So are you still working in color science?

SPEAKER_01

No.

SPEAKER_05

No.

SPEAKER_01

I love color though. That is something that I really I like learning about it. I like utilizing it. I like seeing How it impacts people and their moods and how I don't know. I I really love it. And when left to my own devices, I feel like I'm pretty good at it. I struggle a lot in questioning my legitimacy. Oh, like you're you know, the moment somebody's like, I don't know about that, I'm like, yeah, I don't know.

SPEAKER_05

I guess that might be terrible. Like, I guess I don't know about it either, but that's just the vibe. Right. Yeah. You're really good at identifying colors and like spotting differences in colors and yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Temperature difference, tone difference.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you're spooky good at it.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Now your language, not ideal.

SPEAKER_02

Terrible.

SPEAKER_05

So you can't always describe the colors.

SPEAKER_02

Not at all.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Sometimes you use words for colors that aren't correct. But if we could blend my words, your color knowledge, you could describe anything.

SPEAKER_04

Wow.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. You could describe any color. What a skill.

SPEAKER_02

Imagine.

SPEAKER_05

It's a faint ochre. Yeah, like whatever. I don't even know what that means.

SPEAKER_02

You could describe colors in ways that people couldn't even understand.

SPEAKER_05

But it would be perfect.

SPEAKER_02

You'd be able to people would be able to close their eyes and imagine the color perfectly.

Language, Color, And Creativity On Pause

SPEAKER_05

Oh, what a dumb skill that I've invented. Yeah. Got it. You could be a color describer. You could name paint swatches. That's what you were going for. As though paint swatches aren't just like farmer sand.

SPEAKER_02

Well, it's like I'm not good at like it doesn't involve me at all. It's just you using your vocabulary to distinguish colors barely.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. You can name OPI nail polishes.

SPEAKER_05

I mean, again, I also think a random word generator can nail like.

SPEAKER_01

We just had a friend over who owns a business, and I'm not going to tell you what Matt said or what details of anything in case she used it.

SPEAKER_03

It's a secret note.

SPEAKER_02

Well, if she decides to use it, I don't want to like blast out her marketing plan on places.

SPEAKER_01

But we have a friend owns a business, and she'd been wanting to make t-shirts for her business for a while. And then another friend that's also an independent artist, like in the same freelancing field, made t-shirts with not the same phrase, but something similar enough that she didn't want to interfere with that. And so she was sitting at our house and was like, I've been really trying to figure out what to put on it, and just talking to me. And Matt's so good. I said, Hey, Matt. And I gave him like three descriptors of what it was for. And I said, You need to name a phrase. And off the bat, like you didn't even take time to think. Said one phrase, and she was like, Yeah, that's what I'm putting on the shirt. That's so you really probably could.

SPEAKER_05

Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes just walking into it cold and then not having like any pressure. You just first idea is best idea.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Because I still can't think of a joy per dollar thing.

SPEAKER_02

Well, what's so interesting is when we talk, I have so much to say, but at the same time, I'm not saying anything. Whereas you have a lot of profound things to say.

SPEAKER_05

Nothing floating in your brain. I'm going for quality over quantity.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I'm going for quantity.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Clearly.

SPEAKER_05

There's a phrase, brevity is the something of whatever, but I lost it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah. Well.

SPEAKER_05

Brevity is the spice of life. I don't think that's correct.

SPEAKER_01

You don't come here for accuracy. You come here to listen to two merry people giggle for lose their minds.

SPEAKER_05

50 minutes. Slowly lose their minds.

Confidence, Trivia Brains, And Neurodiversity

SPEAKER_01

Anyway, okay. Uh what's our word of the week? Are we to word of the week?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, we uh we can we can do a word of the week. Let's splash one of those in there.

SPEAKER_01

I have tears streaming down my face. Like I I actually said that the other day. There's a trend on TikTok right now that uh they're using the words of a song that say I laugh all day, like dumber and dumber. And people put up a video of them laughing with their partner, and I made one for us. But I've had videos getting stuck in approvals. Yeah, like it's like this content's being reviewed, and then it never gets posted. It's happened with a clip from the podcast, it's happened with a couple different things. The caption that nobody's ever gonna get to see. I said that marry somebody that makes you cry only works if you're crying laughing every day. And I do. I feel like I am weeping from laughing on a regular basis. So good job.

SPEAKER_05

That's really sweet.

SPEAKER_01

You nailed that now.

SPEAKER_05

Word of the week.

SPEAKER_02

I'm ready.

SPEAKER_05

I'm segueing just like throwing bricks through windows this week.

SPEAKER_02

And stop.

SPEAKER_05

Okay. Word of the week. Indigent.

SPEAKER_01

Indigent?

SPEAKER_05

Indigent. I and D.

SPEAKER_01

Like in-de-club, but instead indigent.

SPEAKER_05

Indigent. Can't wait. Okay. English teachers, do not come after me because we say words like idiots. I'm reading it. I-N-D. I- G-E-N-T. Indigent.

SPEAKER_01

I'd like to be clear that I don't mean in I don't think it means in-de-club.

SPEAKER_05

Got it.

SPEAKER_01

I was using that for the pronunciation.

SPEAKER_05

Got it.

SPEAKER_01

Indigent.

SPEAKER_05

For the Curtis Jackson of it all.

SPEAKER_01

I exactly. I imagine indigent.

SPEAKER_05

Uh I like that it's the only way you can say it now.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know what it means. I have no idea.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, indigent.

SPEAKER_01

Is it indigent?

SPEAKER_05

Indigent.

SPEAKER_01

Okay.

SPEAKER_05

Should I read it like the phonetic and then read it just like that's actual words?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

In the how do you pronounce a backwards upside down E?

SPEAKER_02

I did you really just ask me that?

SPEAKER_05

I did, but I knew what my answer was going to be too.

SPEAKER_01

I have no idea.

SPEAKER_05

Indigent. Poor or needy.

SPEAKER_01

Oh, okay. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_05

Charity for the relief of indigent artists. That's actually the example it has right there at the top. That's what I was worried I was going to be if I became an artist.

SPEAKER_01

An indigent artist.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Yeah. A starving artist.

SPEAKER_01

But you want to be an into-club artist.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, I wanted to be into club architect. And then I was like, well, I'll just be an outside of the club engineer. I like that architect is just a party degree in my mind.

SPEAKER_00

A party degree.

SPEAKER_05

I could not have passed architecture school. No, that's a good thing. Zero chance. The amount of studio time you have to do and the amount of work. Like people talk about engineering and they're like, wow, how'd you pass that? I would have not passed architecture. It is my friends who were in the architecture program, you never saw them. They were always in studio. They were always working like late at night. It was nuts. I would not, I just would have not passed.

SPEAKER_01

Or maybe you would have gotten an ADHD diagnosis earlier.

SPEAKER_05

Uh if I did not, I would not have passed.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

I would have needed to uh be medicated.

SPEAKER_01

I feel so sad for little you.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, sometimes I do too, but I don't think about it too much.

SPEAKER_01

I yeah, and I get that. I won't okay. I won't go there then. Never mind. Poor little man.

SPEAKER_05

What a sad little life he had.

SPEAKER_01

No, I don't think that. I just know that there were definitely some interventions that would have really Well, I remember in high school how you were, and the teachers all loved you so much, and you were so smart and so personable, and you got along with everybody and you made all the people that you interacted with feel so welcome and good. And you struggled so much at the same time with school and assignments, and it didn't really align with your personality, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Like your personality doesn't give I'm not gonna get that done at all.

Parenting Ourselves While Parenting Kids

SPEAKER_05

Oh man, but that was the uh the execution of it. I had an English teacher, uh, she was great. I but shout her out. Uh shout out to Miss Swindell. It there's no way you're listening, but if you are, you're the best. Uh we would have to have long writing assignments, it'd be like three pages. I'd turn in like two and a quarter, maybe, or a page and a half, and she'd be like, man, this is a really good page and a half, but like, what am I supposed to do with this? You gotta do the assignments. Yeah, she had to work with me a lot in uh in terms of being like, you gotta turn this in. It was due a week and a half ago, but we'll knock a letter grade off. Just get it here. Had a lot of flexible deadlines in that class.

SPEAKER_01

I wasn't a good student either.

SPEAKER_05

No, but yours was less of an executive functioning thing and more of a a niche.

SPEAKER_02

You had a real focus, it was less of an executive function thing, more of a brain thing.

SPEAKER_05

You were just a true idiot, I thought. Yeah. I thought you were just lost in there. And then they eventually were like, we gotta get her out of here.

SPEAKER_01

No, Matt actually pointed out to me uh not that long ago. I don't remember when it was.

SPEAKER_02

I'm worried.

SPEAKER_01

No, it's not a bad thing. I have always questioned my intelligence because I wasn't good in school. I really struggled in school.

SPEAKER_05

You also were in a program, you were in an IB program. So it was a lot of kids.

SPEAKER_01

I was around a lot of really bright people.

SPEAKER_05

And a lot of really bright people that made sure you knew they were really bright.

SPEAKER_01

And they were very studious, yeah. Yeah. It wasn't that long ago that Matt said to me, it's not that you're not smart, it's that you don't put any energy into things you don't care about.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you you do not pretend or you are not interested in displaying knowledge in something you're not interested in. You're like, I don't know anything about that, and I don't care. Whereas I'm like, I'm gonna take a little bit of trivia and just try and know a little bit about everything. Which is also that way I'm never caught off guard.

SPEAKER_02

Well, it's more of like a So you're never what do you mean? Like, do you think somebody's gonna enter and be like, put them up? I need three random facts about fish. Go.

SPEAKER_05

That's kind of what my brain's like, though. It's like never be out of place, always feel the stability. It helps me feel more secure and normalized and prepared. It's definitely part of like my neurodiverse thing in terms of it helps, even if it doesn't actually prepare me any better, it gives me the feeling of it.

SPEAKER_01

Okay, that makes sense.

SPEAKER_05

I think there's a lot of like that that goes into it.

SPEAKER_01

That's cool. So I like the way you're bringing it up.

SPEAKER_05

But that's how it works.

SPEAKER_01

It is cool. I like I find it really interesting hearing about how different people operate because it varies so greatly. I would never put it together that that's why you're holding so much information.

Security, Honesty, And Kid Confidence

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Well, we just we talked, we were out at dinner the other night for a friend's birthday, and what was it? Somebody said, and they talked about me, and they talked about, well, you're someone I think of as confident. I'm like, no, no, no, I would never describe myself as confident. I'm secure in who I am, but I think confidence is kind of more of an out thing. I agree. Like confidence is how you navigate things outside yourself, and I can project confidence, I can fake confidence, and I understand that if I can be secure in myself, and I also know that other people are I can work off of that. And I've learned over time, like the social skills to project more security and project more confidence, but it's not at my core. But I do have a very well-developed sense, and it took a long time to get there, but like this is who I am, or this is how I feel, but it's not a going out and feeling good in a new situation.

SPEAKER_01

How has that been impacted having kids?

SPEAKER_05

I don't know that the kids themselves have changed that much. I will say you end up in a lot of different situations, more social situations, new situations, having kids, like your own parents, your own teachers. Like you have to you put yourself back into You're walking into a birthday party where you don't know anybody. Totally. Yeah. You have end up putting you end up being put into a lot more random social situations as you grow as an adult. You don't have nearly as much. No, I don't know that having kids itself, it's made me try and be really careful because of how our kids have a lot of similarities to me. It's like making sure that I'm working on those skills, that I'm talking to them about those skills. That you're talking positively about yourself, positively about myself, really gassing them up for the positive things that they do. Like our daughter went to school, she wanted to ask her teacher something, and she wanted me to help her with that. And I said, just remind me when we get there. And her teacher wasn't there when we got there, but she told me this morning, she was like, Hey, I asked about that thing, and they said that we'll make sure we'll take care of it. And I was like, That's awesome. You're so good at that. I'm really proud of you for doing that. And it's it's doing those things to be like making sure they have the self-talk of I am good at that, I can do that. As opposed to, well, that's not something you're great at or I'm not great at that, and we just don't do that.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and not celebrating maybe the end as much as the process.

SPEAKER_05

Well, yeah, some of it is the language of it too. Like it's not like, oh, you got through that. Good job. I know that that's not fun or whatever. It's like you're good at that. You have that skill, you have that ability.

Bad Dad: The Two‑Hour Bedtime Loop

SPEAKER_04

Right.

SPEAKER_05

And just building the confidence in it. Cause uh I know that's not my internal monologue. Again, parenting is just parenting yourself and then making sure you're doing an okay job of that, and then your kids see it.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and it's a weird balance because there is parenting yourself, and then there's also making sure you're being the parent that your kid needs while also you being the parent you need. I don't know.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, that's isn't that the truth? Yeah, it's it's about you have to parent yourself and your kid, and you're not the same people.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_05

As much as you have similarities or you think it.

SPEAKER_01

And I think that's where the dissonance happens with so many parents, and where kids feel so unseen, and parents feel like they've put so much effort in, and they're like, they're just not getting it. And it's like, well, they're not getting it because they're them, not you.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah. And you've made a huge effort to give them what you feel you lacked. Now that kid does not lack what you lack, they lack what you were not providing elsewhere. And if you don't work to recognize that and work on that, then you end up with that. And I think that's the key.

SPEAKER_01

I don't think the key is providing everything. I don't think the key is doing all of it right. I think it's being able to accept that feedback and go, yeah, you know what? That makes sense. I hadn't thought about that. Because from my perspective, I don't see that. I'll work on that. Thanks for bringing it to my attention. Yep.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, it's a lot of having dialogues and showing vulnerability. And also a lot of just and we we talk about this some too, is the balancing the difference in security for your kids and making sure they don't think you know everything. And sometimes we fall too because it's really easy to be like, well, you don't know anything, and that's not helpful for kids. We tend to fall on that side. Yeah, we err more on the side of like, well, nobody really knows anything. We have no idea about the world or life or side, you know.

SPEAKER_01

Which could feel very chaotic to a child.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, you go too far that direction, then a kid's like the world is random chaos, and it kind of is, but um that's not helpful.

SPEAKER_01

No, they need you to feel secure so they can rely on you.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, yeah, it's about building security and confidence. That does not build confidence to be like nobody knows anything, and uh the world died. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Well, speaking of parenting, yeah, bad dad.

SPEAKER_05

Mean mom.

SPEAKER_01

Mm-hmm.

Listener Mail: Researching Kids’ Stuff

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. Uh we'll go bad dad again this week. Uh again, you took a real run there at the beginning of the podcast relaunched. So uh dad could have a couple makeup calls. It's bedtime. Bedtime has been stretching into the two-hour range, which is not great. No, that's crazy. And one of the tough parts of bedtime is it's this delineating factor between me time and family time. And a big part of me is like if we get through the bedtime, then it's me time. Whether that it may be working on dishes and like stuff that's not necessarily fun, but I have the autonomy. And it's just like bedtime is the last obstacle between me and what I would like to be doing or what I need to be doing. And so it builds up this, it puts a lot of pressure on it, and then you're like the kids feed off of that pressure, and they're like, oh, this is a really heightened situation. And so I'm getting frustrated because bedtime isn't going well, because they're feeling elevated, because they can tell you because you're elevated. Yeah, exactly. And so you build up this vicious cycle, and it's not that like anything's exploding, no, but it's just the tension. I think that's the bad dad moment of the week, moment of the week, hours and hours of the week.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know that I think of it as I know what you're saying, and it's a good poll for this segment, but I also really feel like you do a lot better than you give yourself credit for.

SPEAKER_05

It's just been a bad week. That's like I we have a long track record of having good bedtimes and fun bed times and happy routines and lots of beds. It's been a rough week. It's just been a rough week.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But voicemails?

SPEAKER_05

Voicemails, emails or emails.

SPEAKER_01

I don't know what we have. Is it emails?

SPEAKER_05

Uh we have both.

SPEAKER_01

Oh. We have a voicemail?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, we have a voicemail. You want to do the voicemail?

SPEAKER_01

Uh I don't know. Okay, let's start with emails and then we'll jump into voicemail.

SPEAKER_05

All right, emails. Hi, Joan Matt, engaged listener here. So thank you for that. Listening to your podcast since the beginning of Oversharing, and I'm very excited for this relaunch. On this week's episode, you talked about boundaries with TDAP vaccines, newborns, and family, and I brought it and it brought up some good questions for me to look into. For context, I'm in my early 20s and planning to have kids in the next few years. My classic Kemi brain, shout out, loves to research and deep dive into topics. I'm the youngest of my friend group, so many of the others are starting to have kids now, and some are staunch anti-vaccine and modern medicine practices. I definitely don't fall into that line of thinking and have spent a lot of time looking into many of these hot topics. I would love to know what are some more niche things that you both spent time researching or wish you would have before you had kids. I love learning and having science-based opinions. Love the pod.

SPEAKER_01

I did a really deep dive into uh mobility and like hip development when we had kids. Like when we had jeans.

SPEAKER_05

We do learn.

SPEAKER_01

That's why we don't have any jumpers.

SPEAKER_05

Oh, gotcha.

SPEAKER_01

Like we don't have any jumpers. We have almost no containers.

SPEAKER_05

Containers.

SPEAKER_01

So the a container is considered like something that you put the kid in. So gotcha. And and we own a singular one, and our kids are almost never in it.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And it's because I did a big deep dive. And the thing is, container things like that have purpose and they're not all bad. And as long as you use them in limited quantity, it's totally fine.

SPEAKER_05

Sure. All things in moderation.

SPEAKER_01

But how much I researched, it just freaks me out. I was like, we don't need those at all.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Our kids are gonna have hips.

Containers, Mobility, And Vaccine Logic

SPEAKER_01

Well, it really can really mess with their hip mobility and long term, uh, the way that their gait and everything develops, which can impact them their whole lives, even if it is just a little bit.

SPEAKER_03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And something that's been really important to me is teaching our kids mobility and moving their body and all of those things. So that's something I like really deep dived on. Do you have anything?

SPEAKER_05

I was trying to think. I did not do a good job researching before we had kids. Uh I kind of I cold opened myself in terms of having children. I had I had no idea what to expect. And I didn't feel like a book was gonna give me it could give me facts, but I didn't feel like it was gonna prepare me how to feel. And that's what I felt most unprepared for. There was definitely a spirit of as we run into things, I'll be able to look it up. I'll be able to find out the facts, I'll be able to know those things, and I won't know what to look for until I get there. And in some ways, that's an attitude that serves you, and in some ways it just results in you underpreparing.

SPEAKER_01

You ended up deep researching baby lead weaning.

SPEAKER_05

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. After we had kids and figuring out how, like, what is normal because there's a lot of I would say I did a lot more of that research of like, hey, is this normal? Is this not normal? I don't know that I have great facts. It's more of a like, I know what to expect now.

SPEAKER_01

But I'm trying to think of some anything else because I know that there's more than that.

SPEAKER_05

Those are the ones that vaccines, anything? Like, did you do any of that research?

SPEAKER_01

Some.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

But you only have to look up two, three research papers and read to go, oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_05

Like I would just encourage people to look at the side effects of the diseases that you're not getting vaccinated for because they are way worse than what you think the vaccines are.

SPEAKER_01

I well, exactly.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, the side effects of measles and the long-term effects of those things, bad.

SPEAKER_01

Right.

SPEAKER_05

Really bad, life-altering.

SPEAKER_01

I um there aren't a lot of things that I questioned in that regard.

SPEAKER_05

You grew up with an immune immunocompromised parent.

unknown

Right.

SPEAKER_05

And so, like, you guys were very on top of vaccines. You had to be. Like you were very much of the knowledge of like herd immunity is important, immunization is hugely important.

Email: Marriage, Caregiving, And Balance

SPEAKER_01

And I grew up around a lot of medical professionals, even though my family wasn't medical professionals. True. I had a lot of close friends whose families were, and I was in and out of hospitals and doctors' offices a lot. And so, yeah, I I was pretty confident in those choices. I did go back and forth a lot and research a lot on. Bottles and some things like that. But honestly, now after three kids, I've realized it really is personal preference and kid to kid more than anything. More email?

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, let's get another email in. Hello. So I got married last summer. Not even six months later, we found out my mother has stage four cancer. I was wondering if you could give me advice on balancing my new family, my husband, no kids yet. We were gonna try, but considering my mom is sick, we decided to wait, supporting my originating family, parents, and siblings, and also making sure that I don't neglect my in-laws. For more context, I'm the oldest child and only girl, only child in the healthcare field, so I tend to be the one attending appointments with my mom and dad. My husband and I didn't live together before marriage, so that has also been an adventure, but he has been an absolute saint. And also, I'm the only daughter-in-law in his family, and there are certain societal pressures that come with that title. Or am I just paranoid? No, my in-laws are great, so they know my family and are very understanding. Thank you. Love the pod.

SPEAKER_01

You're overthinking it. Like undoubtedly, you're overthinking it. Life is so long, pending health issues like what you're experiencing. And I'm so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. Life is so long, and ideally, the situations like that are pockets of time in our life that really need our dedication. And there are situations where it extends longer than that. That's when you can start having conversations like what you're discussing right now. But I think right now you be where you need to be. And the people around you, in my perspective, should be respecting and supporting that.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. But I I when I read this, my first thought was you shouldn't be balancing anything. Like this is a point where the balance is very clear. Like you have a ideally a long time with your partner. You're gonna grow together, you're gonna change as people. But that's a a long-term plan. If you're gonna triage the situation, you have one situation that is very important right now, and the like the future of it is very uncertain. Take the time that you need to be where you need to be with your family, supporting them through this diagnosis. And just taking the time, if if your time is limited, making sure you're using it and spending it together. Yeah, your balance is gonna come later. Like, I get that you're newly married, that's a totally new dynamic. And that's hard. Like to a degree, living together, having all that new experience, having to find these balances. This is a really tough thing to throw into that mix, but you have the time. And so it might just be a we've talked about this before, like your relationship is gonna be 60-40, it's not gonna be 50-50, it could be 80-20. And this is gonna be a situation where it's gonna be 80-20, probably not you being the 80.

Voicemail Love And Sign‑Offs

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, and I'm sorry that you guys are having to navigate that because uh I mean we don't appreciate our health enough. And I don't I I include everybody in we because I know very few people that appreciate their health enough on a day-to-day basis until it is at risk.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, it really takes being impacted for a lot of people, and myself included, of of seeing the actual consequences of how our health can go. Always good to get a reminder and appreciate life a little bit more.

SPEAKER_01

And let's do a voicemail before we head off into I don't know what the sunset at the end of this episode.

SPEAKER_05

Okay.

SPEAKER_01

Hey, if you haven't already, go rate and review the podcast while you listen to these last few minutes.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah, send us send us all the stuff. Send us the emails, the texts, voicemails, love answering them.

SPEAKER_00

Well, I sent to your guys' podcast to the three friends that I had, and they blocked me. So thanks for that. Uh no, I'm just kidding. But I just wanted to say that I love your guys' pod. Um, I am a new follower, but a longtime follower on TikTok. Um, I want to say first and foremost, nobody has 19 friends. That's a lie. Second of all, thank you, Matt, for your Vlogmas. I think you are true and original. Stick to yourself, brother, because I think Matt Miss was a lot better than Vlogmas. I want it to go all the way till December 31st. When it ends right after Christmas, it just makes me depressed that there's no more Vlogmas. So thank you for your service. Um, and lastly, I just want to say thank you guys for keeping it real. I'm in a big fan of the mean mom, bad dad, or bad mom, mean dad, whatever that was. I'm gonna start using that because we all feel that way. And I just love your guys' honest approach to parenting and just being transparent with everything with your listeners. So thanks for bringing the pod back. That was just nice.

SPEAKER_01

Podroom. Pod room. I'm calling it the pod room.

SPEAKER_05

The new pod room. Yeah. Built this new pod room. Well, then you're gonna love this episode because we uh had a lot of parenting transparency on this one.

SPEAKER_01

I was prepared for a question, but instead I just got like a whole minute of being absolutely hyped.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Also, anybody that's listening to this, you better have 19 friends. No, I do.

SPEAKER_05

Damn. No, the host doesn't even have 19 friends. True. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02

It's just you and me. Yeah. In this room, in the garage.

SPEAKER_05

You got three kids. Do they count? Yeah. That'll boost me up too much. Everybody always describes me that way.

SPEAKER_01

They're like, you are the person.

SPEAKER_05

You're the Michael Scott. I want to have a hundred kids so I can have a hundred friends. Yeah. Yeah. Again, you can find us on socials. Yep. Matt.overbee.

SPEAKER_01

Joe Johnson Overby.

SPEAKER_05

All right.

SPEAKER_01

Review, rate, follow.

SPEAKER_05

Yeah. We love you. If you haven't, yeah.

SPEAKER_01

Talk soon. Bye.