Overthinking with the Overbys

Welcome to Overthinking with The Overbys! In this podcast series, Jo and Matt Overby cover a wide variety of topics—from parenting lessons, life stories, to personal relationships. Take an inside look on the lives of Jo and Matt as they navigate the adventures of adulthood and overthink online.

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Overthinking with the Overbys

Time, Budget, and Sleep

April 29, 2026 • Jo Johnson Overby & Matt Overby • Season 1 • Episode 13

0:00 | 52:21

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We start tired and end up wandering through how sleep, workouts, and boundaries shape the mood of an entire house. Along the way we go from toddler chaos to private jet influencer marketing, then back to the inner work of self-talk and seeing other people as their own main characters.

This week we get into:

• setting a May goal around sleep hygiene and sleep quantity
• handling toddler dysregulation by removing the fight trigger
• using “tomorrow’s privileges are earned today” as a reset
• swapping hematoma stories and gym mishaps
• starting Pilates and learning to tolerate core tremors
• admitting workouts can be essential even when you hate them
• breaking down sponsored bachelorette trips and brand awareness
• talking private equity rumours versus a family office reality
• reframing negative comments as stranger behavior not truth
• therapy talk on awareness versus replacing bad habits
• exploring self-talk and how words like “big” land
• word of the week “sonder” and why it matters
• answering a voicemail on nursing bras plus Cakes nipple covers
• riffing on style, shopping, confidence, and self-expression

If you've got a thought to share or are looking for a bit of advice on something, leave us a voicemail at the link below!

https://www.speakpipe.com/overthinkingpod

If you'd like to message us you can use the email below or the text link at the top overthinking@theoverbys.com

CONNECT:
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Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website: https://jojohnsonoverby.com/

Tired Talk And Monthly Goals

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back. How are you feeling?

SPEAKER_03 0:01

I am tired today. I'm really tired, but I feel bad saying that I'm tired because I know that you only slept for like four or five hours.

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Yeah, but that's kind of my that's my style.

SPEAKER_03 0:12

It's not your style. I don't like it being your style. Actually, okay. It is your style. I don't like it being your style.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Frankly, last week was a real testament to that. I had a rough week last week and I did a lot of not sleeping.

SPEAKER_03 0:25

I think that our Ma goal.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

I think that we should start setting monthly goals. One. Two, I think our May goal should be improving sleep hygiene.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Sleep hygiene? I'd just take sleep quantity. But is that part of sleep hygiene? I don't really know. It is like just doing it enough, going to bed at the right time. Okay, that makes sense. That checks out.

SPEAKER_03 0:48

Like you are always like, I have great sleep hygiene. When I close my eyes, I fall asleep.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

I have like one good aspect.

SPEAKER_03 0:55

As if sleep onset is the only part of sleep hygiene.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

I have great sleep onset.

SPEAKER_03 1:00

You do? Yeah. That's true.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Yeah. To your chagrin.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

To my chagrin. Yeah. Yes. That was the word that was in my book that we couldn't remember last time.

SPEAKER_00 1:09

I thought it might be. I was like, that's a word that gets used.

Toddler Chaos And Staying Regulated

SPEAKER_03 1:12

I uh we've had kind of a rough morning.

SPEAKER_00 1:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:15

No, I shouldn't even say that. It wasn't really, it was going totally fine. Yeah. I took a toy fighter jet to the foot this morning. There was a whole disagreement over a play couch, and I'm heavy. When we start to really be dysregulated, when the kids are dysregulated enough that they can't get somewhere together and work together, I remove the item. So the play couch was out, and we had a little toddler tantrum that resulted in a fighter jet flying with accuracy at my foot.

SPEAKER_00 1:54

Yes, yeah. Uh you got a peak three-year-old response, and that was to huck a fighter jet at I'm kind of vaguely in your direction, and he just caught you right in the foot.

SPEAKER_03 2:02

Yeah, I don't think it was at me.

SPEAKER_00 2:04

No, it was not just out of rage.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

No, it was just, yeah, it was a rage talk.

SPEAKER_00 2:08

It's an emotional outlet.

SPEAKER_03 2:10

Yeah. And it really got me. I have a hematoma on my foot that my feet that were already looking just atrocious after my battle with hand, foot, and mouth.

SPEAKER_00 2:22

I'm not having a good season. So fingers crossed to keep your fingernails. All your fingernails and toenails are still around, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:30

We have an anniversary trip coming up, and I'm my feet are gonna be looking lovely for that.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

So fingers crossed.

SPEAKER_03 2:37

You're welcome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

No man, it was um yeah. You stay regulated though. You're a good regulator, I've found.

SPEAKER_03 2:45

I stayed calm.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:46

I generally can stay calm most of the time.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:50

I've actually found, I think that being the most regulated person in the household is a lot like not being the squeaky wheel.

SPEAKER_01 3:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

Like you would think that being the most regulated person would mean that you have the most peace.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

No.

SPEAKER_03 3:10

But I think actually I don't know where I'm getting at.

SPEAKER_00 3:16

Well, that's like if you're the best looking person in the room, you're you're just hot. No, but everyone else is less attractive than you, you know?

SPEAKER_03 3:28

No, I've never thought about that. I've never been the hottest person in the room. Tell me more, Matt.

SPEAKER_00 3:32

That was not my point. I don't know why I went with that point. Just saying. I think I went that because there's a thing in the office where he's in an apartment complex and he's like, I'm the hottest person in the apartment complex. Like, where are all the hot people? Anyway, it's Michael.

SPEAKER_03 3:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

I've uh quite literally never been the hottest person in a room, unless I'm the only person in the room.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

But I'm It's just not true.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Well, no, it's not, I don't mean that as self-deprecating as it's sounding. I don't have any qualms with my appearance.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

What's the word I'm temperature? No, that um as conceited as it sounded.

SPEAKER_03 4:15

So oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:17

You were like, you know, when I'm the hottest person, you know when you walk in the room and you're the hottest person there and you're just like, what's going on with all these ugos? Yeah. No, nothing.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Happens to me all the time. You know, that actually really reminds me of uh regulation. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

Yeah. Good God.

Removing Items And Earning Privileges

SPEAKER_03 4:38

Um, for bad dad, mean mom, though, I do think that it's gonna be uh removing the play couch. I have been doing a lot of removing of items.

SPEAKER_00 4:48

It's been our philosophy is like, uh, if we have to fight over it, we don't need it.

SPEAKER_03 4:53

We don't have it, and we don't have it through the next day. I've been doing really coming from the mindset of tomorrow's privileges are earned today.

SPEAKER_00 5:02

It's a good phrase.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

So if we are struggling with something, then I'm removing that until now. It doesn't mean that we can't be angry or frustrated or uh have disagreements as long as we are communicating.

SPEAKER_00 5:19

Yeah. But there is a point of no return where we're just all gas, no breaks.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

And that's yeah, that's where the things go away. And that's when you get a hematoma.

SPEAKER_00 5:26

Yeah, that's when you get stabbed in the foot with an airport.

SPEAKER_03 5:28

This is my second hematoma of my life.

SPEAKER_00 5:31

Yeah. How's how was the other one?

SPEAKER_03 5:34

Really, really bad. Do you remember? No, I was photographing weddings. I still remember the wedding was at the loft at something, I can't remember what it's called. In uh, oh shoot, I can't think of anything. I can like think of what it looks like, but I can't think of the venue name. Doesn't matter. Most of you don't know it. But I remember whose wedding it was. She was in med school or about to start med school. Um, they had their doodle there. Like, I remember it. It was so much fun. And I was doing the portraits of the bride and the groom, and I had two camera bodies on me, but I didn't have my thing that holds multiple camera bodies. I just had the one hanging off my shoulder. And this is why you don't do that. And I had it hanging off my shoulder. I was shooting on the one camera, I leaned forward, so the one on my shoulder swung out, and then I stood up and it swung back into my hip bone. And one people really underestimate how like how heavy a camera rig is. Like they are heavy.

SPEAKER_00 6:47

This was pre-mirrorless too. So this this have the extra half.

SPEAKER_03 6:50

And it hit so hard, but I was in the middle, I was working and I was actively guiding the couple through poses and things. So I had to just pretend like it didn't happen. And it hurt so bad. But then because I was not thinking about it and I was just moving forward, I forgot about it. And I got home, woke up in the morning, and was like, What is this? Yeah, it was really bad.

Hematomas And Workout Bruises

SPEAKER_00 7:17

Yeah, a bruised hip is really not a great experience. No, it was it was brutal. I deadlike myself during my workout this morning.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yep. I was doing bench, and usually I bring the weights up and swing. Like if I'm doing dumbbell bench on a like flat bench.

SPEAKER_03 7:34

Yeah, I'm familiar with pop it up, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:36

And then like I put it on my knees and swing up. Use the weight, just kind of pick yourself up. Somehow I didn't get my my weight to my knee, and as I came up, I just like 60 pounds right in the my quad. It was awesome. And I had to continue doing a workout.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

And I was like, are you gonna have a bruise?

SPEAKER_00 7:55

I don't think I'll have a bruise. It was just like a momentary. I might have a bruise, actually. I haven't really checked to see if that's gonna happen, but I don't think so. I think it's gonna be okay. It was just a momentary dead legging.

SPEAKER_03 8:05

That's really funny.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

So yeah, that was fun.

Starting Pilates And Core Pain

SPEAKER_03 8:08

Oh, since we last recorded, uh, my update of the week is I started Pilates.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Oh. Speaking of dead body parts.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

I started Pilates, and uh, for those of you that are familiar with middle ground and and uh my co-host Caroline, so we live not crazy far apart, but far enough that we don't see each other in our day-to-day anymore. And so we have signed up to do Pilates together once a week with a private instructor, and it's just us two, but Caroline is in way better shape than me and way stronger than me right now, probably forever, honestly. But we uh had our first class last Tuesday, and Caroline's been going. Like she's months and months and months into her journey of doing this, and she invited me to come with her and holy moly.

SPEAKER_00 9:07

It's the core pain where you're like, when I breathe.

SPEAKER_03 9:10

I woke up Wednesday and I was nauseous, I was so sore, but it didn't last too long. I was afraid that it would last a really long time because of how brutal it was, but I do feel okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:23

I have found like today, like a hard yoga or something like that workout. The pain can be just as bad as when you lift really heavy things, but you don't overload as bad, so it tends to be able to work out sooner.

SPEAKER_03 9:37

Our instructor she wants you to be tremoring, like that's how she feels. Like she did a good job in any one position. And let me tell you, I hate it.

SPEAKER_00 9:46

That's a terrible philosophy.

SPEAKER_03 9:47

I hate it.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

I mean, it's a good philosophy if you want to get stronger, it's just a terrible experience.

SPEAKER_03 9:52

It's a terrible experience. And we did so much core and oblique work that I was like, I this is gonna be the end.

SPEAKER_00 10:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

I'm about to like fall on this reformer and just crush my face.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Doing core work to that degree is not great.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

Yeah, you like you slide the box out, you have your knees down, and then you slide the box out, and then you're sliding back, and then you're doing all these little micro motions and stuff.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Yeah, I've never done Pilates.

SPEAKER_03 10:20

I think you would really like it.

SPEAKER_00 10:21

I would guess that I you should start going with your mom.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

Your mom goes like two or three times a week. That's true. She would probably love that.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Uh huh. Me and Pam, just yeah, doing Pilates.

SPEAKER_03 10:29

Pilates Pam?

SPEAKER_00 10:31

That would be really odd. And her Pilates boy.

SPEAKER_03 10:35

Really? Your mom's strong.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

I I fully believe that.

SPEAKER_03 10:38

I've Pilates with your mom.

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Doesn't my dad do it too?

SPEAKER_03 10:42

He just started. He just started, just started. You could Pilates with your dad.

SPEAKER_00 10:46

I could whole family Pilates.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

It could be whole family Pilates.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Mom and Dad.

SPEAKER_03 10:50

Yeah. Mom, dad.

SPEAKER_00 10:51

And their little boy doing Pilates together. And their little boy. It's crazy. I did not grow up. My family was not a workout family. I wasn't, I talked about this in therapy today, actually. I wasn't really even aware that working out was like something adults could have as part of their routine. What? I just it wasn't really anything that my parents talked about. My mom would once in a while do like a workout class or go on a little kick or do a little video or something.

SPEAKER_03 11:14

It was a lot more connected to like appearance than oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 11:18

Okay. Like that's it that's why it was a very 90s philosophy of just like I need to lose weight or whatever. So I'm gonna do this thing. And she, I think, also probably has ADHD. So uh that lasted a week or a month, or but it wasn't a continuation. The only thing I knew people worked out for is like if they did a sport and it was part of the sport. We had weight training in the summers for soccer, and I really liked that because I enjoy weight training and I enjoyed that kind of stuff. I just never had it modeled for me that that was something you could do on your own or that it made sense to do. I just didn't understand that.

SPEAKER_03 11:54

So interesting.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

And then later I discovered I was like, oh, this is a thing that's so different from my childhood. Totally. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

My mom, I think, modeled fitness more than my dad always worked out, but Matt and I have talked about this extensively.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

He's a glamour muscle scout.

SPEAKER_03 12:11

Yeah, my my dad did glamour muscle. It was like buys, tries, pecs, and everything was at home, and um, there wasn't a lot of mobility focus that I witnessed. Um, but my mom was, I feel like, kind of on the cutting edge because she was always about being strong more than she was about her weight or her appearance. Uh, she was lifting weights at the gym. Actually, the first occurrence she had that made her pursue her multiple sclerosis diagnosis was dropping a weight at the gym. And she'd had some things happen previous to that, but that was the thing that like had her call and make the appointment.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

Yeah, it is always interesting what people what kind of tips people over the edge in looking into that kind of stuff.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

I feel like it's a lot of stories like that. Yeah. Like I did a thing that I was able to do for a long time, and then all of a sudden I couldn't do it.

SPEAKER_03 13:06

Yeah, but she lifted weights at the gym and she did Pilates, actually, reformer Pilates. My whole I not my whole childhood, I guess, because she was losing her mobility, but my little years. Yeah, for sure. Um, I remember her always doing that, and being strong was really important to her. So that's interesting. What got you talking about that?

SPEAKER_00 13:25

We just talked about like my working out has a ridiculously large impact on my mental health. Last week was a great example of that. Wasn't sleeping enough, missed a couple workouts, was a complete dick for like two days.

SPEAKER_03 13:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

So the combination of medication and working out is really important for me, uh, to a degree that I'm not really even comfortable with.

SPEAKER_03 13:47

The number one priority, I I would explain it to people who don't know you, is like working out is as important as taking a medication for you. Like you should not prioritize anything over. Honestly, I'd say it's more important.

SPEAKER_00 14:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

I I would rather you work out than take your meds. If when you have to cut something from the self-care docket, workout is never, ever, ever getting cut. And you are inclined to cut it.

SPEAKER_00 14:19

Yeah, it just well, it's part of it is the way I work out right now, is that I go to a class, and so we're talking a legit hour and a half chunk of time outside the house. It doesn't fit into our life. There's a couple classes a day that makes sense for me to go to. If I miss those, I mean, a lot of times there's like an appointment or whatever that I can't move, and but I'm very prone to take it off. And I did several times last week and it wasn't good. But I I brought that up because now my parents work out. Like later in life, well, some of it was after my dad's Parkinson diagnosis, so he started doing a rock city boxing. Yeah, rock steady boxing is what it's called, but kind of somewhere between like physical therapy and workout class, and they do a lot of it's a boxing program for people with Parkinson's. Got it. Anyway, yes, so it because Parkinson's benefits a lot from like the crossbody motion of boxing, and so they started that, and then my mom was doing stuff, and then all of a sudden my parents were working out like four or five days. I think they also discovered that it was good for them to yeah, I know my dad did in his like 20s, but then from 30 to 55, they didn't, and now they work out over.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

Totally, yeah, but I don't you really enjoy it. Yeah, I I'm happy to skip my workout.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

You can remain regulated and mentally healthy outside of working out.

SPEAKER_03 15:33

I I genuinely don't like it. Yeah, I don't like it, I don't enjoy it. And people talk about well, once you're there and you're 10 minutes in, aren't you glad you're there? No, I'm not glad I'm there. I don't want to be working out, I don't want to be lifting these weights, I don't want to be doing any of it. What?

SPEAKER_00 15:49

Just be shaking.

SPEAKER_03 15:50

Yeah. I do, however, really value it. I I don't get the high people talk about from working out, from running from any of it, but I do really value function of it.

SPEAKER_00 16:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

You're a function over the experience.

SPEAKER_03 16:04

But I don't hear people say that. Everybody I hear talk about working out, they're like, well, I just I feel so good once I go and this and that. And so I just want to be a voice for anybody else that while they're doing it, they're like, I don't like this. And then they get done. You're like, I don't like that I did that. However, my overall health and the way that I feel, one of my greatest examples of how much it impacted my life was my second pregnancy versus my third. My second pregnancy was so hard, my body hurt so badly. I had dropped weightlifting between my first baby and my second. And after I was cleared during my second postpartum, I picked up weightlifting again. And then I lifted weights to 41 weeks pregnant, and my body didn't hurt at all. It was crazy. It was so different. Didn't enjoy a lick of it, but I did really enjoy not hurting and I did really appreciate the mobility that it granted me and all of the privileges that come along with being dedicated to fitness.

SPEAKER_00 17:01

You're a prime example of somebody that like needs the social component of your work. Absolutely. Like you're never gonna do it by yourself. No.

SPEAKER_03 17:07

Well, that's not true.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

When I say never, it's just you're never gonna be excited about doing a workout by yourself, or you're not gonna feel better 25 minutes into it by yourself. No, you need somebody there to be like, we're gonna chop it up while we work out, or after we're gonna go do a thing.

SPEAKER_03 17:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:24

I love being active.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Totally.

SPEAKER_03 17:26

Like, I love to go on a long walk. I love to get out and play catch in the yard. I love to throw a frisbee, or you know.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

You like a recreation-based exercise. Yes, just a healthy lifestyle.

SPEAKER_03 17:40

Yeah, I'm down to go swimming and like really swim with the kids. Like, I'll tread water. That's fine. Yeah, I'm happy to tread some water.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

I hate treading water so much. I'm not good at it.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Really?

SPEAKER_00 17:52

I'm heavy, dude.

SPEAKER_03 17:53

So am I.

SPEAKER_00 17:54

Like, I wait. I don't know, but you're you were a swimmer. You're like good at stuff in the water. I'm not a good water person.

SPEAKER_03 18:01

Maybe we need to practice this summer.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

I hate push-ups.

SPEAKER_03 18:03

Maybe you should start swimming. You can ask our neighbor if you can go swim laps in her pool in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

Gross.

SPEAKER_03 18:10

That'd be good for you.

SPEAKER_00 18:11

It would be really good for me, but I don't like that idea.

SPEAKER_03 18:14

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:16

It's the not liking the idea, like I probably would do it and love it, but yeah. But I like, you know, pain. So makes sense.

SPEAKER_03 18:25

You can just swim lapse a butterfly. That's pain. I digress.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

You digress. I digress. We digress. What are you drinking? Are you drinking? I haven't seen you drink anything.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

That's because you brought me an Alani. Which one is it? You brought me a Sherbert. A Sherbert Swirl Alani, and I haven't opened it because there's something about opening it not on the mic that it feels wrong.

SPEAKER_01 18:47

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 18:49

It didn't open.

unknown 18:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:52

It's broken. What just happened? Don't hurt yourself. Oh, be really careful. Well, that was not satisfying at all.

SPEAKER_00 19:02

No, not at all.

SPEAKER_03 19:03

Wow. Thank you for sacrificing my thumb. Yes. That's exactly what the word I was looking for. Thank you. You're welcome. Um, yeah, I'm drinking an Alani. What are you drinking?

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Uh also an Alani. The cosmic swirl or whatever. The grape one.

SPEAKER_03 19:16

Cosmic Stardust.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Stardust. That's yeah. That's a much better name than cosmic.

SPEAKER_03 19:20

I love the word stardust.

SPEAKER_00 19:22

Really?

SPEAKER_03 19:22

It sounds magical.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

What would stardust be?

SPEAKER_03 19:26

I imagine that it's dust. Yeah. Just dust from you know, it's kind of like when you have a moon rock. It's not actually that cool once you're holding it, but in my brain, it sparkles.

SPEAKER_00 19:35

I mean, it's cool that it came from the moon, but that's really cosmic.

SPEAKER_03 19:38

I like that word too.

Comment Sections And Reframing Criticism

SPEAKER_03 27:39

Well, I have to remind myself a lot. And I would give this advice to any young person that posts publicly, even just on a private account, and has ever gotten a negative comment or anything like that. Anytime I read something negative, I imagine being somewhere in public, like I'm sitting on a patio and I have a really cute outfit that I love. I'm with my friends, we're having a great little time. And a complete stranger walks up and goes, Oh my god, your shoes are so ugly, and then keeps walking. It wouldn't make me feel any kind of way about my shoes. I would be shook the rest of the night. Yeah, my friends and I would be talking about the crazy person that came up to insult us.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:20

You know?

SPEAKER_00 28:20

I think some people would feel self-conscious about their shoes. But you think I mean someone, someone I think you could also take the perspective of my shoes are so bad that someone came out of the woodwork to just flame them and move on. But there would definitely be a tempering factor of being like, what was that? That's like really out there.

SPEAKER_03 28:38

See, I don't know that I feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

I think that's a good perspective. But I think we should be able to do that.

SPEAKER_03 28:43

Unless it was somebody that was just dressed to the nines and I had the utmost respect for based on authority. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:51

That's fair.

SPEAKER_03 28:52

But also, why are you taking the time to comment on my shoes? You look great. Go live your life.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

I think what you're doing is a great exercise, but I'd like to make sure that people are framing it that way in their mind. I think that's advice that goes even outside of commenting online. There's there's understanding what's a you problem, what's a me problem. People talk about looking in our windows at our house. What if they see you naked? Well, it's weird, they're looking in my windows, and that's kind of a you problem, not a me problem.

SPEAKER_01 29:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 29:18

Like I don't want you to look at me naked. It's not weird for me to be naked in my own bathroom.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

And so I think that's just a good framework to live your life in terms of is it weird that I'm in this situation, or is it weird that somebody's going out of their way to make a comment about it?

SPEAKER_03 29:30

Right. It's hilarious that you brought up the bathroom like that. I forget that people had such like videos of our bathroom went so viral because people were so angry about us not having window coverings, which I do want window coverings eventually, but I want them to be motorized and they were expensive and we don't have neighbors. So it wasn't a big deal. It's not a priority. Even if we did, well, maybe not even if we did, but if we did, we would have to have something because our whole bathroom wall is glass.

SPEAKER_00 30:04

But I think of like if you live in an apartment in a city and there's somebody in a building like way across the way. If somebody's looking in windows, that's different. That's a weird thing they're doing.

SPEAKER_03 30:14

Right. Though people got so angry, and then people also got really angry about our mirrors hanging in front of our windows.

SPEAKER_01 30:20

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 30:20

And that was interesting because we put the windows in, it was just a wall. So we added the windows anyway. It was a whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 30:28

Because guess who gets natural light around their mirrors now?

SPEAKER_03 30:31

Us.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

We do.

SPEAKER_03 30:33

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

It was thought out. We didn't just like think, what a great place to put a mirror.

SPEAKER_03 30:37

Now, I do think hindsight 2020. I've seen people who did mirrors like ours where they slide off to the side. And I thought that was pretty cool.

SPEAKER_00 30:47

Like they fold out or they where do they slide?

SPEAKER_03 30:50

Off to the the wall, like in the corner.

SPEAKER_00 30:52

Okay. I feel like in our situation, you'd almost want them to fold to the wall.

SPEAKER_03 30:55

Anyway, doesn't matter. We could do it. It doesn't matter. I know we could we could do whatever we want.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

We can do anything.

SPEAKER_03 31:00

Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_00 31:01

If you can dream it, you can do it.

SPEAKER_03 31:03

If you have the swan money.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

Yeah. That's always a phrase we use, especially in engineering. It was like, well, you can do anything with enough money. Just time and budget, baby.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

Time and budget. Get that tattooed on you.

SPEAKER_00 31:16

Time and budget? That would also be a good tattoo. Stay rich, stay scared. Where would I get time and budget? Time and budget. That's a good bit. There's somewhere for time. I do like time and budget.

SPEAKER_03 31:30

Matt's gonna get a tattoo this year. And I think that we're gonna be able to do that.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

I think it needs to be like a stretch goal for my social media posting or something. Because I do want one.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

That's interesting to me because you don't really work well on a reward system.

SPEAKER_00 31:46

I don't know. Yeah. But I do work kind of well with peer pressure.

SPEAKER_03 31:51

Yes. But not from the internet because the internet's not real to you.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

It's not real to me. That's it's fair.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

Like you need somebody actually calling you up and pressuring you.

SPEAKER_00 32:00

I need a body double slash physical social situation.

SPEAKER_03 32:04

But body double doesn't work with me, even though I'm making content all day every day.

SPEAKER_00 32:09

Yeah. I have just become You're an extension of me now, and that you get all the cons of being an extension of me, at least in terms of productivity.

SPEAKER_03 32:19

I don't know about that. I don't feel that way, but it just is interesting.

Therapy Insights And Replacing Bad Habits

SPEAKER_00 32:22

I was again talking about my therapy again today.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

Wow. Therapy forward today.

SPEAKER_00 32:26

Yeah, it was, yeah, it's it's top of mind today. It's top of mind. So fresh. I was talking about how you've helped me reframe a lot of thinking in terms of I think you're just lying to yourself. We've talked about when we first moved in together, I was like, oh, well, it's not important to me that the house is picked up, or which is a very common weaponized incompetence thing. Or I I feel like it has to be.

SPEAKER_03 32:47

This was almost a decade ago.

SPEAKER_00 32:48

Well, no, totally. But there were things like that where I was like, oh, it's not of interest to me, or and to some degree that's just avoidance or lying to yourself about what's actually like how you feel about things. And I've unlearned a lot of that, but what I'm working on now is what do you do after that? Like what like you've unlearned the bad habit. Have you built any good habits yet? That's where I'm at. Time to build the good habits, move forward.

SPEAKER_03 33:10

You know, the Do you feel like you've unlearned the bad habits, or do you think that you have become aware of the bad habits?

SPEAKER_00 33:17

I'm not saying I'm perfect.

SPEAKER_03 33:18

I'm just No, that's not what I'm trying to say. But as you're saying that, it's interesting to me because I do think that you're aware and you handle things a lot differently. But I do feel like the habit is still similar because you haven't had something to replace it.

SPEAKER_00 33:33

Yeah. Without something to replace it, that's probably fair in terms of sometimes that reflex is still there, but I don't double down on it totally the same way. I'm like, you know what? You're right. Yeah. That's not a valid argument without moving forward. That's that's fair. I can see that for sure. I would like to think that I've unlearned it, but I just You've become aware of it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:54

From my perspective, bad habits and stuff aren't things that we unlearn. That's not how I view it in my head. It doesn't mean that that's not true, but I don't view it that way. I think it's more that it's something that we become aware of. And the more that we're aware of it, the more that we can interfere in that pattern. For example, I talked about this this week on socials when it comes to self-confidence and security in yourself, that the very first step in that is really paying excruciatingly close attention to how you talk about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:32

When you're in your head, are you thinking, oh man, I don't like how this looks on my body?

SPEAKER_01 34:37

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 34:38

Or are you saying, oh wow, this looks nice? If you're saying, I don't like how XYZ looks on my body, that's a problem. Not that it's a problem to have negative thoughts or to not feel comfortable at times. But if your line of thinking about yourself is always negative, always self-deprecating, that's how you're gonna feel about yourself.

SPEAKER_00 35:01

I'm feeling pretty called out right now, but I'm not saying it all about you. I know you're not.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

Because I I've had to learn that too. And the thing that I've also had to learn in adulthood is there are a lot of words that I don't think of as negative when talking about myself, that other people really take as being self-deprecating. Big. So it can big, it can really matter how you define things. Like you need to be self-aware enough to know would you ever tell a friend that they're big? I would, because I think of as big as being a literal sense. In a literal sense. So like you're a bigger size in something, so you're tall and broad, like that's big.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

Even broad.

SPEAKER_03 35:44

Right. It's not a bad thing, though. It's simply you are like, and I primarily use that to describe myself, and that's had really.

SPEAKER_00 35:53

But people were like, oh no, no, no, no, no, you're not. And you're like, no, I'm a big person. Yeah, literally.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

And that's not an insult.

SPEAKER_00 35:59

No.

SPEAKER_03 35:59

And so anyway, I just now I'm completely off track.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

No, I think that's a really good point though, because you're going to have a reaction, you're you're going to do something. So just being aware of your bad habits or your negative actions doesn't mean you've replaced them with anything. Right. And so until you replace it, that's not a change.

SPEAKER_03 36:18

And that's fair.

SPEAKER_00 36:19

I haven't thought about that, but when I was a new therapy for me.

SPEAKER_03 36:22

When I was trying to become more mindful, I don't have a lot of negative self-talk. I thank my mom for that. If they say that your parents are your internal monologue and how they talk to you. And so I I don't know how true it is, but I thank my mom because my mom always acted like rainbow shot out of every part of my body at all times, my whole life. She's like, there was never a single, you were the perfect kid. Everything was great all the time. And you were so smart and cute and fun and strong and like like my my mom, you know. And I do think because of that, I really didn't have a lot of negative self-talk in terms of my confidence in myself and who I am or my appearance. But I did have a lot of insecurities related to my relationship with the world and socializing and how I fit in on a community basis. Yeah. And that's what I've had to really work through. And so as I've worked through my thoughts about myself with those things, when I catch myself doing the negative talk, I try to not say an opposite statement because generally that is something I'm really feeling, but instead kind of pivot and start talking through. Okay, yes, I don't like or I'm nervous about how I may have appeared in this conversation. Okay, what are some things that I'm grateful for from those interactions though? Yeah. And kind of just doing that flip of thinking through some of that good stuff too.

SPEAKER_00 37:52

Yeah. I don't know. Makes total sense. Does tie in nicely to the word of the week.

SPEAKER_03 37:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

Yes. So, word of the week. Sonder.

SPEAKER_03 38:02

Sonder.

SPEAKER_00 38:02

Sonder. You wear this one?

SPEAKER_03 38:05

I do.

SPEAKER_00 38:05

Oh, okay. Can you define it for us? No, I absolutely cannot. You've just seen it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:10

A lot.

SPEAKER_00 38:11

Got it. It's a newer, it was coined in like 2012.

SPEAKER_02 38:14

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_00 38:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 38:16

The feeling one has on realizing that every other individual one sees has a life as full and real as one's own, in which they are the central character, and others, including oneself, have secondary or insignificant roles. Come on, dictionary.com. I do not like how they they phrased that.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

So basically, everybody's their own main character.

SPEAKER_00 38:36

It's the real it's the feeling or the realization that everyone is their own main character. Everyone else has these entire lives outside of your life. You're the main character in your story, but they are in theirs. It's the state of realizing that. So yes.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

I think I've heard that before.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

Probably. I feel like that's very up your alley, but I like it. I despise that definition. That was so confusing to read. Here's a better definition. The awareness that other people all have their own complex set of feelings and experiences.

SPEAKER_03 39:08

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 39:10

Like I said, I think it fit really nicely into our little discussion.

Nursing Bras And Cakes Explained

SPEAKER_03 39:13

Do we have emails, voicemails?

SPEAKER_00 39:15

Oh, I'm sure we got something, right? Not a question, but somebody did message in about their invention.

SPEAKER_03 39:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 39:22

So they said their husband and I were eating breakfast tacos, and they were like, this is missing a sauce. Should make a breakfast sauce syrup. Syrup is breakfast sauce.

SPEAKER_02 39:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 39:33

Let's try a voicemail.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

Hey, it's me again. I was just honestly calling because what Joe posted um her lake pics. I need to know what bra she's wearing. Because us breastfeeding mamas, like, I just need to know. I know I'm not the only one. Please share your secret. Because we'd be out here struggling. Because you like wear a tank top and it doesn't even show your bra. Like that too, you know? Also, it holds the girls well. Um, anywho, loved this week's episode per usual and made me laugh. Um, also, it's insane that you're like a bat because I'm so freaking deaf. It's not even funny. And I wish I at least, I mean, could be cool and like you're like a bat. So, all right. Peace.

SPEAKER_03 40:17

Um, I'm wearing the Kindred Bravely sports bra, nursing bra, in a uh, they make like smaller band sizes with bigger cups. Smaller band sizes with bigger cups. Uh, I'm not positive the deets, but the way that it's cut, it fits perfectly under my tank tops. And I have one in black. And so when I'm wearing darker colored tank tops, I just wear that one because the straps don't show. It would more be like my underarm area. And then in my red and white striped tank top that I wear, I am wearing a Skims nursing bra. And it somehow magically fits under the tank top perfectly. Like it's the straps are wide enough that the little tiny straps fit underneath.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

So you're saying you're doubled, doubled up?

SPEAKER_03 41:10

No, no, no. Oh. Those are two different bras I wear with two different.

SPEAKER_00 41:13

So you were saying you're wearing a skims underneath No, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

No.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 41:16

I was saying that for the late collection, so the tank top that's the racer back with the wider straps, I'm wearing the Kindred Brabley nursing sports bra. And then with the red and white striped tank top that I wear with my overalls and other things, I'm wearing that Skims nursing bra that I've had forever. Got it. And that's there you go. That's it. I have not found a strapless bra that works for me. I'm telling you though, anybody listening that has difficulties with bras and their chest and things, I've nursed three babies and they are large and in charge. I have had so much help with how they fit and stay in my bras and how they sit in my bras using cakes. I feel like I talk, I've never worked with them. I sound like the biggest. Well, that's not true. I have, I get like a commissionable link through ShopMai, whatever, but I've never directly worked with the brand or had a so anyway, I love their product. I got my first pair like three, almost, I want to say almost four years ago now. And I still have them, still use them. And when you wear them with something that's fitted, it adheres to your body with body heat. So it helps keep your chest in the place you put it, if that makes any sense. The girls that get it, get it. And those that don't, you know, not for you. Sorry, not for you. But yeah, I haven't found a strapless bra that I like though.

SPEAKER_00 42:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:46

Matt knows that that's one of my biggest battles.

SPEAKER_00 42:48

I do actually know that.

SPEAKER_03 42:50

Like I said, we're uh have a trip upcoming and I've been shopping for it. And Matt's laughing because it was a true I hate shopping.

SPEAKER_00 43:00

You're not a good shopper, and you truly hate it.

SPEAKER_03 43:04

But I it is important to me what I'm wearing, which is not a good combination.

SPEAKER_00 43:08

I've been doing shopping too.

SPEAKER_03 43:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 43:10

You haven't shopped in a minute.

SPEAKER_00 43:12

No, I have not. So looking for a confidence boost.

SPEAKER_03 43:15

So all right.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

We're also going somewhere that you can really do a little bit more outfit-wise.

SPEAKER_03 43:20

So yeah, I'm gonna try cakes came out with new tape that you use. Yeah. And I'm really hoping that works out because the outfits I picked are going to be relying on cakes tape.

SPEAKER_00 43:30

Nice. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 43:31

Yeah, they have all kinds of time to stress test it. When I first got their product, they only had the original, like OG, is what they call it now, sized grippy ones. They didn't have any other products.

SPEAKER_00 43:43

Should we clarify what cakes are?

SPEAKER_03 43:44

They're a nipple cover.

SPEAKER_00 43:46

Got it.

SPEAKER_03 43:46

Yeah. And they only the grippy. Now they have a sticky, which is more like a traditional. Yeah, like a more traditional adhesive one that you would have, but it doesn't have adhesive in the center, is the difference. And the way that the edges feather out to really thin helps, but they have a triangle shape, they have a circle shape, they have a bigger one, and they have teeny tiny ones. And they even have ones that have fake nipples on them for women who have had mastectomines and things like that.

SPEAKER_00 44:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 44:21

Um got it. Massectomy?

unknown 44:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 44:25

Maste maste.

SPEAKER_03 44:26

Massectomy.

SPEAKER_00 44:27

Is it if it's mastectomy?

SPEAKER_03 44:29

I don't know. You all know what I'm trying to say. Anyway, their product line has just they have all the things now.

SPEAKER_00 44:35

Wow. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 44:36

I've watched them bloom and I still am wearing the same pair, so they're not making much off of me because I guess so, yeah. I'm telling you, you can use them for well, I don't know about the sticky ones. I've never used their sticky ones.

SPEAKER_00 44:47

Maybe it's a washable adhesive. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:49

The grippy ones, though, they stay.

SPEAKER_00 44:51

They've done the job. They are.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

They they do the job.

Style As Self Expression

SPEAKER_00 44:53

Do you like clothes? Is it something that like brings you joy?

SPEAKER_03 44:56

Yeah. Expand on the idea of the thing. What about them?

SPEAKER_00 44:59

We were talking about like shopping and clothes. Like clothes are something that like I really enjoy.

SPEAKER_03 45:04

I think style brings me a lot of interest and joy. Like I'm very interested in it, but I'm not very good at it. Not to say that I'm, I think this is hard for me to explain to people that don't know me because every time I talk about this, people do the reassuring thing where they're like, no, you're good at that. And I don't mean that what I put together is bad, but for how much effort I put into putting together outfits and things like that, I should be a top-tier fashionista. Well and I am not.

SPEAKER_00 45:35

A, I think you prioritize comfort a lot.

SPEAKER_03 45:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 45:38

And B, I feel like when you judge some of those things, you judge it against the people who are the best at it.

SPEAKER_03 45:44

Correct. That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

You're not like, I have bad style. You're just like, I am not great at it.

SPEAKER_03 45:49

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 45:50

You're not a person who's like, I have above average and that's good. You're like, no, good is great. I'm okay to good, so I am not great at it.

SPEAKER_03 45:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 46:00

You really judge yourself based on the extremes.

SPEAKER_03 46:03

Well, because I think that if I'm saying I am I have really good style, then I don't think it's a problem.

SPEAKER_00 46:09

Just like I think that's where people get tripped up when you're like, I don't have good style. I think you have fine style.

SPEAKER_03 46:14

I agree.

SPEAKER_00 46:15

But you're like, I don't have good style. Like, I'm not great at it.

SPEAKER_03 46:19

I'm also not experimenting or pushing the boundaries or the person that is really moving the needle in terms of trends or anything like that. Totally. I'm I'm sticking right here in the middle. I like to try new things.

SPEAKER_00 46:33

I like to, you know, but you love to go to the old reliable too.

SPEAKER_03 46:37

Yeah. I love to find a piece that is handcrafted.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

Sentimental.

SPEAKER_03 46:43

Like, not necessarily sentimental as much as yes, I'm with you for sure. And a piece that is hand crocheted that I got while I was on a trip that I can incorporate into outfits, or something I sewed my like I grew up sewing. True. Um, and something that I made myself, or so on and so forth.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

I want to start sewing.

SPEAKER_03 47:05

I know you do. You've been saying that for a long time.

SPEAKER_00 47:07

But I think it's I think now's the time.

SPEAKER_03 47:09

Now's the time. And make 2026. Yeah, 2026. Matt's gonna make content, he's gonna start sewing, and he's gonna get tattoos.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

What a year this would be.

SPEAKER_03 47:16

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 47:17

No, it's good. It would be all great. Let's see what it is. I feel like you enjoy them, but I just don't know where you fall on that spectrum.

SPEAKER_03 47:26

What's interesting is I've always thought of you as much more fashionable than me, but I feel like in the last five to ten years, you've really stopped investing into fashion for yourself the same way.

SPEAKER_00 47:38

Yeah, some of that's how I feel in my body.

SPEAKER_03 47:40

Right.

SPEAKER_00 47:41

If I'm not well connected to my body or I don't feel good, I work more around my body than to try and style or something.

SPEAKER_03 47:49

But that's the part that doesn't make sense to me because I don't understand why you can't just buy the I don't know. I don't relate to it, I guess. I'm yeah, I don't want to sound dismissed.

SPEAKER_00 47:57

Well, you've you've helped me a lot in terms of buy the clothes that fit you, regardless of where you're at. Don't try and fit to a size or feel a way about a size. I've definitely made strides there.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

The clothes fit you, you don't fit the clothes.

SPEAKER_00 48:10

Yes, yeah. I don't know if my mentality has kept track, but I have at least been able to be like, yeah, no, buy the size that will go on your body. Don't feel some kind of way about like this doesn't fit you because you bought the size you used to wear. No, yeah, I haven't experimented as much. You've also untrained me as a consumer to some degree of being like, don't just buy stuff and then because there is some element of that with experimenting with style. Because sometimes you're like, yeah, that didn't work. That's not really like there's plenty of things in my closet that I bought, and I'm like, yeah, I don't really wear that because it doesn't fit anymore. At which point I need to get rid of it. Or it was for a thing and it didn't become what I was hoping it would become. And you're like, you don't have to buy stuff, and then you never touch it again. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:48

Instead of trying to rework it in a different way, totally, or donate it and like we need to go through your closet.

SPEAKER_00 48:55

There's a ton of stuff that way. But I do really love it. Like, I love it as a form of self-expression.

SPEAKER_03 48:59

And I feel like you've been thinking about it more because our group of friends has really good style. The men that we hang out with have really good style.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

It's true. I will say, since becoming a dad, if you hang out with a lot of just like stereotypical dads, or that's the social situations you're in, it does not push you to push boundaries. Not in our like I can have some pretty mid-tier style and be the the most elevated one. Also, there's a degree of do I really want to push the limits here and stand out in some not like there's a there's an amount I like to stand out, and then there's an amount where it's what is he he's really trying to do something, what's going on here. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_03 49:41

No, yeah. I mean it makes sense as a concept, yes.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

Sure, okay. I'm not I don't think that's your motivation.

SPEAKER_03 49:47

I don't relate to it, but it does make sense.

SPEAKER_00 49:49

For me, it's always been a way to stand out without having to say something or put myself out there in the same way. To me, it's like a quiet form of self-expression. I could really use more of that.

SPEAKER_03 50:00

I'm really bad that I try to tell people who I am instead of show people who I am. Okay. And I do think that my actions end up backing up my words, but like I don't think I need the words, and that's something even into my 30s, I'm desperately trying to get better with.

SPEAKER_00 50:17

I think it was always just something that, especially because how I adapted to fit in socially was like say less, react more, doesn't sound right. Like, but it was like to say less, to blend in, to become smaller and then fit more what people were looking for. That style was a way that I could be like, but look at this. Could stand out without having to try to make sense.

SPEAKER_03 50:40

Maybe for date night we should go shopping.

SPEAKER_00 50:42

Yeah, I think we might have to based on. I have some things in the mail, you have some things in the mail. I'm curious to see how it pans out.

SPEAKER_03 50:48

But fingers crossed, we check in our socials to see if we're really getting some fits off. I'm expecting all of you in those comment sections, the the 10 of you that are probably still listening at the very end of this film.

SPEAKER_00 50:59

We've riffed on style for I'm like you're not even well, just like random thoughts on clothes. But you better be there. Yeah, I do love clothes though. I always have. I just again I've done a lot less buying, and that has, I think, stifled some of that expression. But it's also been good, and it's not just buying shit.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:21

So there's a balance to be had. I've pushed it to both ends now. We'll see if I can.

Voicemails Reviews And Goodbye

SPEAKER_03 51:25

We're gonna find a happy medium. 2026, baby. Let's go. Yeah. All right, follow us on all the things, leave us a review, follow the podcast. We can't wait to talk with you.

SPEAKER_00 51:36

Send it to 20 of your friends, send it to 22 of your friends. Oh, there you go.

SPEAKER_03 51:40

Leave a voicemail, write us an email.

SPEAKER_00 51:43

Yeah, do that. We got room for five minutes.

SPEAKER_03 51:45

Send Matt DMs and emails and text messages that say post on the internet. Post on the internet.

SPEAKER_00 51:51

I'm behind on DMs, pretty bad. So now the DMs folder just makes me anxious. But it's not a reason to not do it. I just need to get through it. Okay. That's not me saying don't do that, do it. I just I have feelings about my DMs folder right now.

SPEAKER_03 52:06

Oh, well, on that note, I'm sorry. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 52:09

Bye.

Overthinking with the Overbys