Untapped Potential and Nosebleeds

We bounce from chaotic daily life to the bigger ways the internet shapes what we watch, what we buy, and how we let ourselves be seen. We share our takes on Love Island, a viral Off Campus moment, and the practical home and parenting decisions that feel small until you are living them. 

Join us as we talk through:
• wanting an adult science refresher and the fear of being confidently wrong 
• CMA Fest highlights and brand booths that make the daytime experience feel social 
• why Love Island works best with recaps and why it feels extra graphic early on 
• how isolation, incentives and editing create reality TV villains 
• the Off Campus dance debate and the growing fear of being perceived 
• word of the week: sententious and how moral grandstanding shows up online 
• bad dad mean mom and the time blindness that makes us late 
• decorating a new house without impulse buying by sitting on purchases and keeping a list 
• design regrets, open concept trade-offs and prioritising function over perfect aesthetics 
• budgeting for window treatments, rugs and enough seating 
• why asking for favours matters and how it strengthens community 
• toddler behaviour around age three and not attaching the wrong meaning to it 
• why two to three rocked us more than the kids did, including mental health and rebuilding systems 
email us, rate review, send us a text message, and we'll talk to you next week. 

If you've got a thought to share or are looking for a bit of advice on something, leave us a voicemail at the link below!

https://www.speakpipe.com/overthinkingpod

If you'd like to message us you can use the email below or the text link at the top overthinking@theoverbys.com

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Website:  https://jojohnsonoverby.com/

Transcript

Nosebleed Cold Open

SPEAKER_03 0:04

We're on nosebleed watch. We'll see.

SPEAKER_04 0:07

Nosebleed and spider watch. You have blood on your nose. You definitely do. Over on my side, like a nostril, all along right here. There you go.

SPEAKER_03 0:19

Perfect. What a start.

SPEAKER_04 0:21

You have so many nosebleeds.

SPEAKER_03 0:23

Yeah, I just got a bad nose.

SPEAKER_04 0:25

Have you thought about talking to a professional, a medical professional, about it?

SPEAKER_03 0:30

I find medical professionals do their best work when that you absolutely force their hand.

SPEAKER_04 0:34

You've waited until it's an emergency.

SPEAKER_03 0:37

I love that. Preventative medicine's a scam.

SPEAKER_04 0:40

Oh. Good start. Good start. Tell me more.

SPEAKER_02 0:49

It's probably the blood.

SPEAKER_04 0:51

Uh-huh. You gonna make it?

SPEAKER_03 0:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:57

Do you have a beverage today?

SPEAKER_03 0:58

Yeah, I can wash that down.

SPEAKER_04 1:00

You also have blood under your lips. The fact that you're just like licking your hand and like treating yourself like a cat.

SPEAKER_03 1:07

Did you know saliva is one of the best things to clean blood with? Has enzymes in it that break down.

SPEAKER_04 1:13

No, that's horrifying.

SPEAKER_03 1:14

The coagulant.

SPEAKER_04 1:15

It makes sense, but it's still horrifying.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

Yeah. I mean, I'm not recommending you just go spit on something. Like if you have hydrogen peroxide or it does make sense though, like for eating and things, right? Sure, yeah, no, totally.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

But it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:29

Yeah, imagine you couldn't like process blood well and you were an omnivore. Wouldn't work out great. Um we eat plants and animals. That's an omnivore.

SPEAKER_04 1:38

And then what's the other one?

SPEAKER_03 1:41

Herbivore.

SPEAKER_04 1:41

Herbivore.

SPEAKER_03 1:42

Carnivore.

SPEAKER_04 1:43

I know carnivore. Okay. I er herbivore was what was not coming to me. I need to go back. Oh wow, what is that?

SPEAKER_03 1:51

I was just waiting to open it.

SPEAKER_04 1:52

Would you like me to do I can do mine too, maybe?

SPEAKER_03 1:56

Yours like echoed in here.

SPEAKER_04 1:58

Yeah, it did. I need to go back and take a science class.

Wanting A Science Refresher

SPEAKER_03 2:01

Oh. Which one would you do?

SPEAKER_04 2:03

I would like, you know how they do courses for adults that do a really shallow coverage on everything for government and things like that.

SPEAKER_03 2:14

I wasn't super aware of that, but it makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 2:17

They exist. And I need one like that in science where they refresh me on just photos.

SPEAKER_03 2:23

Photosynthesis.

SPEAKER_04 2:25

Yes, that's actually the first thing that came to mind for me. Photosynthesis. You look like someone who was about to say photosynthesis. Thanks. The plates of the earth and how they tectonic plates, yeah. Yeah. I would like a refresh on that. I would love a refresh on space and the planets.

SPEAKER_03 2:42

What about them?

SPEAKER_04 2:43

Just maybe like the order of them and some general, you know. The order? Yeah. Do you know the order of the planets? Do you really?

SPEAKER_03 2:52

Pretty sure. Okay. Now you're making me question myself. Sun, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn, Jupiter, um, Neptune, Uranus.

SPEAKER_04 3:04

I can't clock yet because I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 3:07

Maybe Uranus and Neptune.

SPEAKER_04 3:08

Pluto's weight out there.

SPEAKER_03 3:09

Well, Pluto, if we count it. It's not a planet.

SPEAKER_04 3:11

I know. But.

SPEAKER_03 3:12

Yeah, Neil deGrasse Tyson wouldn't be impressed with you calling it a planet. No, I gotta check. You know me, I can't just say stuff and then let it sit on the podcast for I could just really use a refresher. Planets in order.

SPEAKER_04 3:25

And maybe like a refresher on the It's Uranus, then Neptune. I think that's what you said first.

SPEAKER_03 3:32

I think I said it wrong the first way.

SPEAKER_04 3:34

Okay. Uh I would also like a refresher on the table of periodic table of elements. Periodic table of elements.

SPEAKER_03 3:43

What are you gonna do with that?

SPEAKER_04 3:44

I don't know. I just think it would be good to know.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

There's like well over a hundred of them though, so Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 3:51

And you know them.

SPEAKER_03 3:53

I don't know all of them. I know I know if I see an element name or like I see an element symbol, I a lot of times can tell you what that is. Not foolproof. I don't have all of them.

SPEAKER_04 4:05

If I asked you what any of them were, would you be able to tell me?

SPEAKER_03 4:08

Uh it's harder the other way around. Give me one.

SPEAKER_04 4:12

Cobalt.

SPEAKER_03 4:13

Uh C O.

SPEAKER_04 4:14

Oh no, I meant like no no no. No. I meant will you be able to tell me right.

SPEAKER_03 4:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 4:21

So you'll be able to tell me what they are.

SPEAKER_03 4:23

Uh yeah. Uh that's even less solid than the the name. They're the little symbols.

SPEAKER_04 4:30

Okay. Well.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Yeah.

unknown 4:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 4:32

Cobalt's definitely CO.

SPEAKER_04 4:34

Yeah, that I knew. I wanted to know, is it a gas? Is it a can it be anything?

SPEAKER_03 4:39

To be fair, most of them can be in a certain way.

SPEAKER_04 4:41

This is why I need a refresher.

SPEAKER_03 4:43

Now, like the far right side, those are the noble gases.

unknown 4:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 4:47

Your xenons, your lost me. I remember just a little bit. I feel like I could use a refresher course, and then you could just ask me.

SPEAKER_04 4:55

I already do that.

SPEAKER_03 4:56

Yeah, that's true.

SPEAKER_04 4:56

I don't feel like you need a refresher course.

SPEAKER_03 4:59

I worry sometimes that I'm confidently wrong.

SPEAKER_04 5:02

I don't think that's ever been true.

SPEAKER_03 5:04

Really?

SPEAKER_04 5:04

No. I've been confidently wrong a lot. I don't know that I can think of a time that you've been confidently wrong. I can think of times that you have been doubtedly correct.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Doubtedly correct. That's more my brand.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

I don't know that I've ever seen you be confidently wrong.

SPEAKER_03 5:21

Okay. I guess that's fair.

SPEAKER_04 5:23

If you're not 100 P, you do you don't put your whole stance behind it.

SPEAKER_03 5:27

I don't put my stamp of approval on anything. I'm not pretty solid.

SPEAKER_04 5:30

Like, listen, you just went through the planets and got them 99% right and then flipped it so that it was 100% right, and then went, ugh, you know, I don't want to stand behind that.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

Yeah, that's true. That's true. You know what? That's a good point. That's a good point. Unconfidently.

SPEAKER_04 5:47

And that's what I mean when I say you have untapped potential and like endless. And I feel like I'm using everything I got.

SPEAKER_03 5:54

Untapped potential is the name of my band. It's just me.

SPEAKER_04 5:58

That would be a good band name.

SPEAKER_03 5:59

Yeah.

Energy Drinks And CMA Fest

SPEAKER_03 6:00

We don't release music. It's kind of our whole thing.

SPEAKER_04 6:04

I like that. Maybe that's what I'm saying. Speaking of chemicals, what are you drinking? Oh.

SPEAKER_03 6:08

Oh, maybe that's what we should have went.

SPEAKER_04 6:09

Name the podcast.

SPEAKER_03 6:10

Untapped potential? Yeah. Man, if I have a solo project, that's what it would be.

SPEAKER_04 6:15

That would be a great solo project.

SPEAKER_03 6:16

Maybe just a segment? Untapped potential.

SPEAKER_04 6:19

I think you need your whole own podcast.

SPEAKER_03 6:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 6:22

Uh, I'm drinking a strawberry sunrise Alani. Speaking of the which one are you drinking?

SPEAKER_03 6:28

I'm drinking the Sherbert.

SPEAKER_04 6:30

I went to the Alani little pop-up in fan alley at CMA Fest this weekend. It was very cute.

SPEAKER_03 6:37

Did they have anything exciting happening or just we went at the end of the day?

SPEAKER_04 6:40

They were embroidering bandanas for people, and they were giving out free drinks, and that's really it. Okay. The booth was really cute, and I had fun.

SPEAKER_03 6:51

Great.

SPEAKER_04 6:52

That was on Thursday.

SPEAKER_03 6:53

Yeah, tell us about CMA Fest. You had like a whole thing with Sonic.

SPEAKER_04 6:58

Yes. It was great.

SPEAKER_03 6:59

Like you really teased, but probably didn't confirm on our last podcast is who you were going with.

SPEAKER_04 7:04

Yeah, I went with Sonic, which was really fun. And I got to meet some of the people from their team, which was fun. And I went to the little thing that they had going on there at Fan Alley, is what they call it at CMA Fest. So to go into CMA Fest during the day is free. Like anybody can get in. You just need tickets to get into Nissan Stadium in the evenings. So there's all kinds of people you can go see perform free of charge. And they have something called Fan Alley, where tons of brands set up booths where you can come try products and they're giving out stuff. And Sonic had one where they were giving out samples of their new refreshers that they've put out, which are phenomenal. I didn't know when they initially contacted me, I didn't know that it was going to be for the refreshers as the primary like promotional product. But it was kind of funny because that has been my I don't know when they launched them, but since they've launched them, it showed up in my app and it has been my drink of choice. I've been doing that for caffeine some days instead because it's a green tea-based caffeine.

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 8:08

And they're really good.

SPEAKER_01 8:09

Nice.

SPEAKER_04 8:10

And you can get them sparkling or still or frozen.

SPEAKER_01 8:13

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_04 8:14

And they're all I haven't had a still one. I've had sparkling or frozen, and that's it. But they're yummy. And it was fun. And we got to do that. And we stopped and saw Alani and Celsius and all the drinks. Sam's Club was there. We didn't stop at that booth because the line was wildly long.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

What were they doing in San? Why was the line so long?

SPEAKER_04 8:35

I think they were giving out popsicles or hot dogs or both. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

Maybe IC's.

SPEAKER_04 8:41

Yeah, they had a cute booth though.

SPEAKER_03 8:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 8:43

So that was fun. SoFi had one that you had to have an account in order to get in. And we wanted to go to that because they were doing some cool stuff there and we didn't.

SPEAKER_03 8:55

They were just giving you money. No.

SPEAKER_04 8:56

No, they weren't giving money, but they were uh crypto. I think they also had maybe bandanas or hats or I don't know. We didn't make it there. We uh we were not the most well-rounded stewards of our time. There was a lot to do in a short period of time.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

I haven't even asked you about like who you saw or what acts you enjoyed.

SPEAKER_04 9:21

Uh gosh, you know I'm not very good at this. Uh my favorite from the entire thing was Stella Lefty.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 9:31

She was my favorite that we saw. We actually didn't even see a full performance from her. She did a performance during CMA Fest, but it was like we didn't make it in time in order to get into the stage to see it. Got it. But her boyfriend was a performer at Nissan Stadium one evening, and he brought her out to sing their duet. She blew him out of the water. And he was he was very talented, it's not anything like that, but she was so talented. Her voice, I I've been fixated ever since, and I've been listening to a lot of her music. And what I will say is her music's phenomenal in person. She is a hundred times and her music's good. I'm not saying anything about her music. Live, it was unreal. And uh I'm obsessed with her.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

That's great.

SPEAKER_04 10:24

So that happened. I was gonna say I'm not familiar with her game, so no, I don't think she's a like I mean, I I'm sure people know who she is, but I don't think she's a huge artist as of now, but I think she has a lot of potential to be great, having a really successful career.

SPEAKER_02 10:37

That's always fun.

SPEAKER_04 10:38

Ella Langley was good, that was a lot of fun. We saw Van Perry, and I haven't thought about them in a long time. Yeah, she was phenomenal, and Blake Shelton was really good and fun. Who else? I don't know. I'm not good at remembering because I unfortunately for me, I don't listen to a ton of current country music. Some, like I like Casey Musgraves, I like Ella Langley. Um, but I really am not in the loop of a lot of the newer artists. It's fair. And so the names are, but everybody we saw was great. We had a really good time.

SPEAKER_03 11:16

I will say country names don't always distinguish themselves amongst one another.

SPEAKER_04 11:21

I think I just don't listen to it enough. I enjoy country music. I'm not a hater by any means, but I'm not invested enough in like the artistry and the stories of the artists to distinguish between them. Uh Waka Flacca did a whole what?

SPEAKER_03 11:37

Not who I thought you were gonna say.

SPEAKER_04 11:38

Well, he did a whole country music and how country music has been inspired by and influenced by rap and hip-hop and black culture, and I really wanted to go to that, and we didn't make it to that to get in either because both that and the Cella Lefty were in an indoor stage arena area, and then so there was limited oh sure, and so you had to wait, be there early, early and wait to get in. And so I didn't nail that.

SPEAKER_03 12:09

Was he just giving like a speech? Like he was just a I don't know, a presentation.

SPEAKER_04 12:13

I don't, I really don't know.

SPEAKER_03 12:15

Got it.

SPEAKER_04 12:16

I was excited about it, I wanted to go.

SPEAKER_03 12:19

Were your friends just like we're not gonna stick around for Waka Flacka's TED Talk or they were in if I had pushed it, like everybody was down to go, but I think I was the person that it interested the most. Interesting.

SPEAKER_04 12:30

And we really hadn't gone to see that many artists during the day. True. And I didn't want to push for something that was only really impactful and meaningful to me.

SPEAKER_03 12:40

That makes sense. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 12:41

And so we skipped it and we went and saw some other artists at different stages that they were interested in, which was great. We got to hear Uncle Cracker. Yeah, yeah, that was crazy.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

Another person I haven't thought about.

SPEAKER_04 12:52

Yeah, his stage, they couldn't let any more people in, even though it was outdoor because of fire code. Like there was too many people in the area. So we were standing outside, like we could just hear him, not see anything.

SPEAKER_03 13:04

It's bad when the fire code limits you outside.

SPEAKER_04 13:07

I know. It it was packed, I'm sure. It was pretty bananas, but overall, great time.

SPEAKER_03 13:16

Great. So you like fun? Sonic. Yeah. Love you forever, Sonic.

SPEAKER_04 13:21

Yeah, I do. That's true.

SPEAKER_03 13:23

No, I was just curious. I realized I hadn't even I've barely talked to you since you got home. This is just a couple of days ago. And we've had birthday party and trying to get our house back from being destroyed, and lots of stuff happening.

SPEAKER_04 13:39

So it's been we've been hosting.

SPEAKER_03 13:41

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 13:41

It's just been nuts.

SPEAKER_03 13:43

Yep, we have. So here we are. We've made it another week.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

Any updates from you?

SPEAKER_03 13:48

Any updates from me? Man. No. I'm gonna have to condition this studio. That's in the next couple weeks, has to happen because you're hot. Well, we're pushing the limits of where we we have to be very intentional when we record in here. And I think pretty soon it's gonna be kind of hot whenever we do it. When the when the lows get into the upper 70s, that means it's gonna be in the 80s plus all the time in here. That's not gonna be very fun to do. Not to mention you can't store the camera equipment out here. We learned that a couple weeks ago, the hard way. I was storing all this stuff out here, and then we had a condensation issue that delayed the recording. And now we know, and now we know. So I have to uh pack everything in.

SPEAKER_04 14:34

So this week for Chronically Online, yeah.

Choosing Reality TV Today

SPEAKER_04 14:37

I have two different options for you, and you get to pick.

SPEAKER_03 14:41

Choose your own adventure.

SPEAKER_04 14:42

Yeah, choose your own adventure. Would you like to go the route of further discussing off campus or the other route of reality TV?

SPEAKER_03 14:54

Ooh, I haven't caught up with either of these. So shocking. Shocking. Hmm. Let's let's start with reality TV. I think I know where this is headed.

SPEAKER_04 15:06

Yes. So I think of Love Island as the ultimate companion to somebody that is overly active online.

SPEAKER_03 15:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 15:19

You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 15:20

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 15:20

Like they just go hand in hand. You're not gonna meet very many people that are fully invested in Love Island that are not watching recaps on their phone.

SPEAKER_03 15:31

Well, that's because your only other option is to commit to 10 hours of television a week.

SPEAKER_04 15:37

I don't think it's that much.

SPEAKER_03 15:38

Is it is it two hours an episode?

SPEAKER_04 15:40

No, I think it's it's one hour.

SPEAKER_03 15:42

Oh, so maybe five or six at the most.

SPEAKER_04 15:44

Yeah, it's six episodes a week, I think.

SPEAKER_03 15:47

Okay. Wow.

SPEAKER_04 15:48

It's bananas.

SPEAKER_03 15:49

That's next level.

SPEAKER_04 15:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 15:51

Unreal. That's coming from someone that can consume a lot of media, but to keep abreast of six hours, like you can't just do that in one. You can, but that requires.

SPEAKER_04 16:01

I've said I was gonna watch it every single year.

SPEAKER_03 16:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:04

And every single year I get two nights in and bail.

SPEAKER_03 16:08

Yeah. Well, the problem is if you get a little bit behind, and by a little bit I mean a few days behind, you are now three, four, five hours of television behind.

SPEAKER_04 16:17

You just have to skip them.

SPEAKER_03 16:19

Well, you yeah, I'm sure you have to, but I think that's the only solution. And so you have to have recaps.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

Yeah. Are you familiar with the concept of Love Island, though?

SPEAKER_03 16:28

Kinda.

SPEAKER_04 16:29

Okay. I want to give

Love Island Rules And Recaps

SPEAKER_04 16:30

you a rundown. Yeah, give me, give me your so they are at this resort style property. It has a pool, it has everything you need. They have no phones, no internet access, no real tech.

unknown 16:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:45

Um, there's a full gym, like you know, they have everything they need.

SPEAKER_03 16:48

Of course, there's a full gym, obviously.

SPEAKER_04 16:50

Yeah, they're professionally hot. And the first day, like 10 people arrive. Five women, five men. And these are the initial islanders.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:02

And then they go through all of these games and things, which is mostly just them making out, and they couple them up. So they get to choose and they end up all with a partner.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:14

Then as the show progresses, the way that you stay on the island is by being coupled up with someone. So then they introduce what they call bombshells, and these are additional hot people that they bring in to mix it up. So, like last night's episode, three new bombshells entered the villa.

SPEAKER_01 17:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 17:40

Which you've heard people say.

SPEAKER_03 17:41

Yeah, no, I've heard that. I've I've watched some of it before, but then I was like, I don't know if I really remember how it works.

SPEAKER_04 17:47

Yeah, and then if at the they'll have an odd number.

SPEAKER_03 17:51

Yeah. And then if you're not just bringing two, otherwise they could just pair up.

SPEAKER_04 17:54

Right. If you're the person that's not coupled up at the end of the you go home.

SPEAKER_03 18:00

You're gone. Got it. Yeah. Okay. How's it going so far?

SPEAKER_04 18:05

I don't remember in past seasons that I've watched a few episodes it being this graphic. Okay. The kissing on the first couple episodes absolutely rocked my world. I am not somebody who really gets a lot of ick.

SPEAKER_03 18:21

No.

SPEAKER_04 18:21

I it's not, I don't know. I'm I'm big about just let people be free, let them live their lives. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 18:27

Gross kissing is probably a good way to get you there, though.

SPEAKER_04 18:30

I mean gnarly. I'm gonna have to show you some videos. I don't it it's none of my business. If they're having a good time, great for them. But I do not want to watch somebody's full tongue out. Oh, yeah. Like reaching into somebody's mouth.

SPEAKER_03 18:47

Yeah, that's not a move that I like.

SPEAKER_04 18:49

I'm talking a full like lap of the chin into the mouth.

SPEAKER_03 18:54

It yeah, the tongue extension is always a thing for me that I'm like, hmm, are people doing this a lot?

SPEAKER_04 18:59

Like well, that's what I told the girls that I was watching it with. I was like, I don't know if I'm a bad kisser. And that's fine if I am.

SPEAKER_03 19:06

Like my tongue's mostly in my mouth, like the whole time.

SPEAKER_04 19:09

Well, and I also don't like kissing. I've never liked kissing. It's not I I shouldn't say like I I don't think how Matt and I ended up marrying. Uh I don't hate it. I'm not like, oh, that's but it's I have friends who are like, I just want to make out.

SPEAKER_03 19:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:29

It's never been me.

SPEAKER_03 19:30

No, it hasn't.

SPEAKER_04 19:31

It's never been me.

SPEAKER_03 19:32

It's okay. I'm with you there.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

Uh and so thankfully.

SPEAKER_03 19:36

Imagine I was like, that's all I but Matt's like, that's my dream.

SPEAKER_04 19:39

Yeah, it's just and I just am leaving him on red.

SPEAKER_03 19:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 19:43

Uh anyway.

SPEAKER_03 19:44

15 years I've suffered.

SPEAKER_04 19:46

I told the girls, I was like, maybe I just am not a good kisser. I and that's fine. I'm willing to accept that news. But this isn't normal, right?

SPEAKER_03 19:57

What'd you hear?

SPEAKER_04 19:58

Lots of people have been pretty uh shocked by good. I was like, it's been a common sentiment.

SPEAKER_03 20:04

Okay. I was worried that you're about to be like, no, they're like, yeah, no, that's how how it's done. Uh yeah. And then I was gonna have thoughts about the people that we hang out with.

SPEAKER_04 20:14

Truly. I don't know. Again, yeah. How do you feel about the show in general?

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Um at times I enjoy it. It is just a lot, and I feel like it goes through like real lulls. And so I feel like it's a show that's best consumed while you do something else.

SPEAKER_04 20:34

I don't know if it's it's like a laundry show.

SPEAKER_03 20:37

Yeah, I I don't know if it's great. It it makes sense that you'd be online. I feel like people watch it while they're on their phones. That's half the social show, whether it's like internet, social.

SPEAKER_04 20:47

Well, that's why I feel like I've been wanting to participate, is because so many people I know watch and I like the social aspect of talking about it, but I don't know that I'm personally that into we'll see. I'm I don't know, a week in this time, and we'll see if I make it.

SPEAKER_03 21:03

I feel like it's so dependent on if you are drawn to or like some of the characters. And sometimes I feel like I've watched it and I've been like, This is a whole pack of duds. Or I have to stretch to find somebody that I really enjoy. It's also kind of a nightmare scenario.

SPEAKER_04 21:18

I think that's the hard part for me. Like, I don't think of any of the people as duds, but I just watch and think about myself in

The Kissing Ick Problem

SPEAKER_04 21:26

their shoes. Oh, yeah. And I just feel bad.

SPEAKER_03 21:28

One of the beauties of reality TV is that it's judged by people that are in normal environments and all the people in it are in this crazy situation where they have no outside, like people underestimate how much outside influence being isolated? Yes, like how much it matters to the dynamics of everyday life. And so when you're isolated from any other news, any communication, it's like The Bachelor, people act crazy because these are the only people like when You put 10 women or 10 men together and they're like focus on this one thing. Yes, people get weird and competitive because they have no other distractions, and you're just kind of geared at a certain point. It it creates all kinds of crazy social and mental dynamics that make for great TV.

SPEAKER_04 22:21

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_03 22:22

And look insane. And so it's um sometimes that's entertaining.

SPEAKER_04 22:29

I don't think I would be good. I think I would end up being a villain.

SPEAKER_03 22:32

Yeah, I um I don't know how I'd handle it.

SPEAKER_04 22:36

I think it'd be I think they would edit me to be a villain.

SPEAKER_03 22:40

I could see that. I could see they're like, she has a lot of great sound bites and she means well, but we have so much stuff to work with here. That's exactly her stream of consciousness is perfect because we can cut this into whatever we want.

SPEAKER_04 22:55

That is exactly what I think. Because I just talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, talk.

SPEAKER_03 23:00

In that environment, especially.

SPEAKER_04 23:02

In an environment that I'm like nervous, if all you had was no outside. Overexplain and just say something be like, Well, I don't mean blah blah blah blah blah, and then they would just cut that part in.

SPEAKER_03 23:12

They'd be like, I mean blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

SPEAKER_04 23:14

Right.

SPEAKER_03 23:15

And put some music underneath it to really Yeah. No, you would get destroyed.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

I would get and I would also take it terribly.

SPEAKER_03 23:24

Like Yeah, the moment they were like, Well, let's put her in this site situation, I would fold immediately. I kind of want to see that now, but frankly, I would probably just get like edited out of the show. I'd just be like internally, just like I feel like I would be stepping back and they'd be like, Where we have nothing usable of him.

SPEAKER_04 23:46

Maybe I think that if you got comfortable with everybody, that's not true.

SPEAKER_03 23:51

Maybe. But I'd have to they'd have to they'd have to give me a long leash to get comfortable with everybody. Yeah, that's true. I would just be in the confessional, like making remarks about people.

SPEAKER_04 24:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 24:03

Yeah, that could be me.

SPEAKER_04 24:04

Like he would just be saying silly goofy stuff.

SPEAKER_03 24:06

Yeah, they'd be like, he spent all day in the gym, didn't talk to anyone, but he was watching them, and then we just get him in the confessional to judge people. But they're gonna I'm I'm gonna need a bit of a leash. Someone's gonna have to be down for that ride to uh to get that.

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Somebody get mad on Love Island.

SPEAKER_03 24:24

What a disaster.

SPEAKER_04 24:26

I know you're married, but yeah, it's fine.

SPEAKER_03 24:29

It's fine.

SPEAKER_04 24:30

My wife said I could come. I'm looking for love.

SPEAKER_03 24:33

Yeah. Just seeing what's out there, really. I have three kids, a wife that I've been with for over a decade. Um almost two. Yeah, you know, sneaking up on two decades, and we're just trying to shake it up a little bit. Yeah. What would your what would your reality TV show that you need to go on? Because it's not Love Island.

SPEAKER_04 24:52

No, I'd be terrible. Yeah. They would ask me to kiss someone and I would panic.

SPEAKER_03 24:56

I think you'd be Shark Tank. Not that you have like a billion dollars.

SPEAKER_04 24:59

No, I'd want to invest in Shark Tank. Yeah, I think I'd be good at it too.

SPEAKER_03 25:02

I think you'd be like a could we could just pretend that you're a billionaire and you'd get, you know, they'd bring you in for or you're consulting with, maybe you're sitting in for somebody.

SPEAKER_04 25:11

I don't have experience on that level at all, but I think that it would be really fun and I would enjoy learning about it.

SPEAKER_03 25:17

Sure. And you get to judge businesses, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 25:20

That would be fun.

SPEAKER_03 25:21

Or help them. Like you like to help them. It's not just you don't just like to critique businesses. That sounds bad, but you love business.

SPEAKER_04 25:27

I do.

SPEAKER_03 25:27

You used to watch Shark Tank all the time.

SPEAKER_04 25:29

I like Shark Tank. I think it's really entertaining and interesting. Don't get the same entertainment.

SPEAKER_03 25:38

I I struggle with Shark Tank. Sometimes, like either the businesses are good, and then I don't like watching people pitch.

SPEAKER_04 25:45

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_03 25:46

Like, you have to be really good at it for me to be like, that was a good pitch. Sometimes I'm like, that seems embarrassing, even though like that's that can be an effective pitch too. I just there's a reason I'm not in sales. I can be in technical sales, but that's it. Sales, sales, not strength for me. No.

SPEAKER_04 26:04

Uh you know what else we haven't told everybody about? Just to move on from Love Island. I don't know that we have much else to tell.

SPEAKER_03 26:09

Yeah, we don't have it's barely gotten started.

SPEAKER_04 26:11

So I just started and I did feel like it was relevant.

SPEAKER_03 26:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:15

I'll make my note about off-campus too.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Yeah, yeah.

Off Campus Dance And Perception

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Let's touch.

SPEAKER_04 26:18

We knew I was gonna touch both before I circle back. Uh there's a really viral video of Belmont. I don't know what his last name is.

SPEAKER_03 26:27

Belmont, that's enough. Garrett Graham.

SPEAKER_04 26:30

Garrett Graham came with the kid LaRoy to something and like performed, did a video with him to the song Girls, which is the song that he dances to in off-campus. It's like girls just want to have fun. You know what I'm talking about? Name plans. I just wanna get some, you know what? Okay.

SPEAKER_03 26:51

And have I gotten that far in the show? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 26:54

It's at the It's like an episode two. No, it's at the Shakespeare night.

SPEAKER_03 27:01

Oh, okay. When he's dancing. That's like the most recent thing I've seen, I feel like. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:05

When you know what I'm talking about? When he's dancing, he's like, Yeah. Uh that's the song playing. And the story with it is I guess that he chose that song to play when he was dancing, and then they liked it so much that they got it cleared. They got it cleared to actually have it on the show.

SPEAKER_03 27:23

Because yeah, they that is fun one of the interesting things in TV is a lot of times, especially I mean this one had a higher budget, but especially if it's a lower budget show, they have to play something for people to dance to, but it's almost never what is playing out loud. And so people end up sometimes looking like idiots if it's not really what they're doing.

SPEAKER_04 27:45

Yeah. But it ended up pushing the song back into like mainstream popularity, which it's a it was a popular song. And there's this video going viral of Belmont dancing with the Kid LaRoy and like an audience behind, and he's doing the same little dance, and he like pulls his shirt up and is, you know, and there's a widespread debate on if it's ick and cringy or if it's him having fun. Okay, wait, rephrase. It is him having fun and just enjoying the time and being silly goofy, referencing his character and etc.

SPEAKER_03 28:22

But are we okay with him having fun, him being hot? Is that the yes?

SPEAKER_04 28:26

That's the big argument because people are like, well, he knows he's hot, and it's like, no shit. He's like the star in the most popular romance television show of the year. Of course he knows he's hot.

SPEAKER_03 28:40

He has a mirror, right? Like the man has lived in his own body for quite some time.

SPEAKER_04 28:44

Okay, well, we know that that doesn't do anything.

SPEAKER_03 28:46

That's not always accurate, but I digress.

SPEAKER_04 28:49

You dig no, of course he knows. You digress. Of course he knows. But like it's not a problem to know you're hot as long as you're not a dick.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

Yes. And I agree.

SPEAKER_04 29:00

From every interview I've watched with him, he does not seem like one.

SPEAKER_03 29:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:04

So why can't he have fun and know he's hot?

SPEAKER_03 29:07

Trying to think of good examples of like really hot people that aren't dicks. That's that sounded insane. There's tons of hot people that aren't dicks, but like good examples that people universally agree. Hmm. I feel like Chris Hemsworth isn't really a dick, maybe. He has some like really insightful interviews that I've seen.

SPEAKER_04 29:24

What about Eric Dane?

SPEAKER_03 29:26

Yeah, R.I.P., but yes.

SPEAKER_04 29:29

Uh I'm trying to think of like, I don't know, Michael B. Jordan.

SPEAKER_03 29:34

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 29:35

Really hot.

SPEAKER_03 29:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:36

I assume he knows he's hot.

SPEAKER_03 29:38

I would think so, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:39

Surely. He's done three Creed movies, so uh I'm trying to, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 29:45

But there's a lot of people that are or mostly universally appreciated as hot.

SPEAKER_04 29:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:51

And are decent human beings. Right. And can also make fun of, like, I'm hot and this is a character or part of what I bring to the table.

SPEAKER_04 30:00

But to bring it around, I think it really is referencing a cultural phenomenon that we're seeing, especially with younger generations, that people are afraid to exist because they don't want to be perceived.

SPEAKER_01 30:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 30:12

Not even perceived as something. Like they don't even know what they're scared of. And I feel like I've fallen into this a little bit, but not to the level I don't have beef with being perceived as cringy or weird or awkward or strange. Yeah. I've kind of identified with all those things my whole life anyway. So I don't feel like I'm trying to protect myself from that, but there are things that I would prefer not to be perceived as that are insecurities of mine. And I do feel like I have lived more through those with the way that we're always being monitored, captured, photographed, videoed, etc.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

Yeah, there's there's always, if anything, you have a fear of being perceived as something inaccurate.

SPEAKER_04 31:01

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

Even if maybe you don't even have an accurate presentation of yourself, but you don't want it to be in conflict with what other people see.

SPEAKER_04 31:09

But I think that we lose out on enjoying life through that.

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_04 31:13

Because he should be like he is at the peak of his career thus far.

SPEAKER_00 31:17

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 31:17

Having this huge moment. He's been asked to be with this performer for this song. Of course, he should be out there, in my opinion. Oh, totally. Like I thought it was Darling watching, because I think that's exactly what you should be doing.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

It sounds like it was harmless. Like it hurts nobody.

SPEAKER_04 31:34

No, it doesn't hurt anybody.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

I was gonna say there's all kinds of things that you could be doing and abusing that privilege or just being a dick.

SPEAKER_00 31:42

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:42

And this is just having fun.

SPEAKER_00 31:43

Right.

SPEAKER_03 31:44

And it sucks how much we judge people for not hurting anyone.

SPEAKER_04 31:50

When there's so many examples elsewhere that are well, I think we also have gotten into this weird thing where our definition of what harm is it's getting a little dicey because we're doing these big picture things where we explain the way that everything perpetuates harm in some regard. As if there is an existence that could be done that doesn't. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 32:18

Yeah, well, could because so much of it is if I'm insecure, seeing somebody else that is secure, someone that is having fun, someone that is enjoying their life harms me.

SPEAKER_00 32:27

Right.

SPEAKER_03 32:28

And it's like, oh okay, I guess so, but that there's a problem here, and it's not the person enjoying themselves.

SPEAKER_04 32:37

So anyway, that was my other bit that I wanted to bring up.

SPEAKER_03 32:41

That's good.

SPEAKER_04 32:41

I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 32:42

I support him. I support him in all his uh semi or unsherted adventures.

SPEAKER_04 32:46

Yeah, I'm like, heck yeah, go off King.

SPEAKER_03 32:48

Kind kind of fun to like the kid LaRoy is legit. Like, yeah, that's awesome to be in that situation.

SPEAKER_04 32:55

It looked fun, and enjoying your success. I'd rather people enjoy their success than like I love to dance and I don't dance well, but I I love to dance, and I hate the idea of being told that I shouldn't dance just because I don't look cool doing it. No, you know, and I think he did look cool. I'm not, it's not yeah, he looked hot.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

People were offended by it.

SPEAKER_04 33:17

But I like I just don't really get the points that we're making.

SPEAKER_03 33:21

Yeah, yeah, it is sad that people don't want to dance because they're being videoed.

Word Of The Week Sententious

SPEAKER_04 33:26

So do you have a word of the week?

SPEAKER_03 33:28

A word of the week. A word of the week. I do have a word of the week.

SPEAKER_04 33:32

Word of the week. Word of the week. We take a word, we bring it to go, then we define it.

SPEAKER_03 33:42

What are you ready?

SPEAKER_04 33:44

Yeah, I've been ready.

SPEAKER_03 33:45

Word of the week. Sententious.

SPEAKER_04 33:48

Sententious.

SPEAKER_03 33:49

Sententious.

SPEAKER_04 33:51

Sententious starts with an S or a C, an S. S-I-N. S-E-N sententious.

SPEAKER_03 34:00

Sententius.

SPEAKER_04 34:01

I've never heard it.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

An adjective describing someone who is pompously moralistic, often speaking as if they are uniquely wise or superior.

SPEAKER_04 34:11

The people talking about Belmont are sententious.

SPEAKER_03 34:15

Yes, yeah. They'll speak in like a lot of sentention. Yeah. They get up on their high horse.

SPEAKER_04 34:20

Can I say sentention?

SPEAKER_03 34:21

Probably. That sounded good.

SPEAKER_04 34:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

I rolled with it. If you just said it more confidently or not ask me about it. Sentenciation, yeah. I bet that's a word. We're gonna double check that. Sentention.

SPEAKER_04 34:33

I think I can be sententious.

SPEAKER_03 34:35

Oh, uh-oh.

SPEAKER_04 34:37

No, that's not what it means. Does it mean something gnarly?

SPEAKER_03 34:40

No, no, no, no. It's just like you might be thinking of some other words that are real. Uh sententiousness is the noun.

SPEAKER_04 34:49

Oh, sententiousness. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 34:52

Okay. I'm okay with that.

SPEAKER_03 34:53

I like sententio better though.

SPEAKER_04 34:56

Well, unfortunately, we are not in charge.

SPEAKER_03 34:58

No.

SPEAKER_04 34:59

Uh sententienness.

SPEAKER_03 35:02

Senteness.

SPEAKER_04 35:04

Sentention.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

Wait, sententiousness.

SPEAKER_04 35:07

Sententiousness.

SPEAKER_03 35:08

Yeah, we we're already screwing this up.

SPEAKER_04 35:10

Sententious.

SPEAKER_03 35:11

Yeah, sententiousness.

SPEAKER_04 35:12

I think I can be a sententious person, and I mean that negatively.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

Well, yeah, I don't think there's a real positive connotation to sententious.

SPEAKER_04 35:19

I know. I just wanted to clarify that I knew it was negative.

SPEAKER_03 35:21

You go on your high horse and like do a whole speech? Because I feel like a lot of it is like a holier than thou or I well, I guess not.

SPEAKER_04 35:30

I think I have an insecurity of coming across as sentientious.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

You do worry about it frequently, but I think that awareness and worry prevents you from getting there quite a bit.

SPEAKER_04 35:40

I don't know. I it's not I don't ever feel like I'm on my high horse when I'm talking, and I don't ever feel like I'm coming from a place where I'm trying to, but I can understand how things come across.

SPEAKER_03 35:51

You worry about the perception.

SPEAKER_04 35:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:53

That's fair.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

Fair enough. And I don't want to be that because I don't think that it's very helpful.

SPEAKER_03 35:58

No, it's like that never speaks to who you wanted to speak to.

SPEAKER_04 36:02

Right.

SPEAKER_03 36:03

And if your goal isn't to act like you're better than, then you're just doubly ineffective.

SPEAKER_04 36:09

It's crazy for me to act like I'm better than. I'm just such a just a person.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 36:15

You know?

SPEAKER_03 36:15

We all just people.

SPEAKER_04 36:17

We all just people. You get it. I think that's the biggest letdown of life, is as you meet people, everybody's just people, and that is devastating.

SPEAKER_03 36:28

Yeah, that is a letdown. And then once you have that awareness and you meet people that think they're more than just people, then you're like, ooh, this is offsetting.

SPEAKER_04 36:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:38

Off-putting. Offsetting is just that doesn't mean the same thing.

SPEAKER_04 36:42

Not at all.

SPEAKER_03 36:43

Yeah.

unknown 36:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 36:45

All

Bad Dad Mean Mom Time Blindness

SPEAKER_04 36:46

right. What do you have for bad dad mean mom this week?

SPEAKER_03 36:48

Bad dad, mean mom. Oh man. Bad dad has not been keeping to a great schedule. We've we've had uh a couple drop-offs this week, and we're supposed to be there at this time, and my time management has not allowed us to get there in that timing. It's been I keep thinking we're doing good, we're doing good, and then we get to the last what I think is five minutes, and the last five minutes takes 20 minutes, and then we're late.

SPEAKER_04 37:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:15

Thanks for the analysis.

SPEAKER_04 37:18

You lack awareness of how long it takes you to do things, is I think the biggest contributor to all of that. Because what happens is like you will get the kids completely ready, or you will finish the tasks that I have asked. And you plan all of that stuff for when you need to leave. Like if you need to leave at 9 a.m., yeah, you're like, all right, at 9 a.m. I have to have the kids ready and these tasks that Joe asked me to do done. So you have those done at 9 a.m. You load up the car, and then you go inside for 15 minutes to do what like that's the part, that's the piece.

SPEAKER_03 38:03

That I am guilty of that for sure.

SPEAKER_04 38:05

And you also, I think sometimes you'll do it a little bit differently, where 9 a.m. is what you're shooting for, but then you take yourself off the track to try and do your handful of things, and then it throws everything else too.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:21

Your systems are not strong.

SPEAKER_03 38:24

No, I know the awareness of time continues to elude me.

unknown 38:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 38:28

The thing is, you're the same amount late every single time. So I don't understand why you don't just shoot, say like, we need to leave at 9 30.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

Or I've tried that. It it it like unravels on me.

SPEAKER_04 38:42

Or there's just because you're not thinking of it as I need to leave at 9 30. You're thinking of it as I'm tricking myself into 9 30. So really I have 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 38:50

You know how much I hate manipulating even myself.

SPEAKER_04 38:53

So you're not actually shooting for 9 30.

SPEAKER_03 38:55

I don't hate manipulating myself. I hate being manipulated even by myself.

SPEAKER_04 39:00

But you're not the thing is you're not doing 9 30. You're going 9 30, but really it's 9 45, so I have 15 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 39:06

You know better than me. I know better than this.

SPEAKER_04 39:08

Right.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_04 39:10

So what if you actually tried for 9 30?

SPEAKER_03 39:14

What if I actually did all kinds of things? Story of my life, untapped potential. What if I actually did any of this stuff I could do? Oh, time and me. Worst of friends. Should we listen to some other people? I feel like we've talked plenty.

SPEAKER_04 39:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:30

All right.

Decorating Without Impulse Buying

SPEAKER_03 39:31

Here's a question. Hey Matt and Joe. I've been loving the comeback of overthinking. I've been following you guys for a while, I think, since y'all started remodeling the house, and I've loved seeing your lives grow and change over the years. Joe, I've gotten a lot of book recommendations, clothing recommendations, and just general life advice from the things you've shared, and we're going on five years now of you being my answer to who's your favorite influencer. Look at that.

SPEAKER_04 39:52

That's so nice.

SPEAKER_03 39:53

That's really nice. My husband and I are in the process of buying a house currently, and I'm feeling really excited about decorating it and making it our own. I remember when y'all started sharing your journey with your house, Joe talked a lot about finding intentional pieces and not rushing to fill the space just to say it's done. That's really stuck with me, and I'm taking that to heart when it comes to this new house. We're fortunate to have a lot of the things already, so there's not a lot that we need right now at the beginning. What are some strategies that you use to make sure that you're being thoughtful about what you're getting for your home rather than impulse buying? What is something that you got thinking it would be the best thing ever for your home or family that's ended up not being worth the money? And what's something you think is overlooked that we should put more resources toward when it comes to choosing pieces?

SPEAKER_04 40:33

Ask me the first question. Sure. We'll go one by one. That was a lot of questions all at once. I just wanted to read it. Well, I kept thinking of answers as you went, and then I panicked.

SPEAKER_03 40:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 40:41

First question.

SPEAKER_03 40:42

Strategies for being thoughtful about what you're getting for your home rather than impulse buying.

SPEAKER_04 40:47

Okay. I think sitting on stuff is the most important part of not impulse buying. So if you find a piece that you really like and you think you want it, sitting on it for not a day, not sitting on it for a week, like with home pieces, I try to sit on it for months. Cause generally speaking, furniture and stuff doesn't fly the same way.

SPEAKER_03 41:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 41:09

Off of shelves. It's different when you're thrifting, I guess.

SPEAKER_03 41:13

Sure. In which case, so if you have a better idea of like what the value of something you have and you feel really strongly that it's usable.

SPEAKER_04 41:20

But and also with thrifting pieces, I try really hard not to just buy stuff because it's cool or because it's a good deal. I try to keep a running list on my phone of pieces that I am specifically looking for. Like the only thing that's been on my list for a long time now is a round table that has wide legs rather than a center pedestal. Center pedestal. Um, I haven't found one that I like, but I know that that is on my list that if I saw one that I really loved at the thrift store, I will go ahead and buy it without thinking too much on it. Haven't found one that I like.

SPEAKER_03 41:54

That's really smart though, keeping a list because I'm the person that will go there and be like, what a great piece. What a great deal. Look at these chairs I acquired.

SPEAKER_04 42:04

We have so much stuff like that.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

Well, I I don't do it as much anymore. Oh gotcha.

SPEAKER_04 42:09

Like, I don't think we have a lot of furniture like that, but we have a lot of things in our house that are that way.

SPEAKER_03 42:13

For sure.

SPEAKER_04 42:14

Because you do just you are the king. Well, no, you're not. I know people that are worse, but you're in the court of people who are like, I saved so much money. And I'm like, you would have saved all your money if you hadn't bought it at all.

SPEAKER_03 42:31

I come from a long line of people with that belief.

SPEAKER_04 42:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 42:34

Of like, you can't pass it up, it's too good of a deal. You've helped me untrain a lot of that, to be fair. Um, I'm much better about trying to only get things that we need.

SPEAKER_04 42:46

Well, and I just don't, I think we live in such a consumeristic culture.

SPEAKER_02 42:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:51

You don't need anything that you're getting.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

Yep.

SPEAKER_04 42:55

You just don't. And I'm not saying that means don't buy things. Like, I still participate in the system, I still purchase things.

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:03

I still get more clothing that I need. Like, I I want to be so clear. I am not coming from a judgmental place or a higher than thou anything. And anytime somebody asks me, do I need this?

SPEAKER_03 43:17

You default to no.

SPEAKER_04 43:18

I default to no because you don't.

SPEAKER_03 43:21

Yeah. Like you're gonna have to justify it to me because I'm gonna say no, and then you're gonna have to prove for some reason why you would need this.

SPEAKER_04 43:27

Why you would need it. Because the answer can be that you want it. Oh, totally. And the answer can be that you find joy in it. The answer is not that you need it.

SPEAKER_03 43:35

Almost never. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:37

Never.

SPEAKER_03 43:38

Never, never. Okay.

SPEAKER_04 43:39

Never, never.

SPEAKER_03 43:40

Hardline stance, but okay. Not with people I'm talking to.

SPEAKER_04 43:44

Like I'm not saying that there aren't circumstances where people need things.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

Yeah. But if you have no pants, you do need probably a pair of pants.

SPEAKER_04 43:52

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 43:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 43:53

Yeah. Like if you're standing in your underwear in the store holding the pants and you go, do you need These or do I need these? I'm gonna go, yes.

SPEAKER_03 44:02

Maybe not those specifically. You're naked in the store. Buy the pants. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:07

I guess in that circumstance, for sure. I you know it's useless. But my my biggest tip would be to make a list of pieces that you know that you're keeping an eye out for, whether it's thrifted or not. And that way you can refer back to that list and you are not drawn in just by things because they're things. Uh, I also think sitting on stuff for a long time, I really do. I think that's my best. I have a tendency to sit on stuff too long because then I realize that I can live with it not. Yeah. Like our primary bedroom at our house has never been done. We have never gotten a real bedroom set. We uh actually one of my regrets in our home is buying a dresser for our bedroom, thinking that I was going to do our bedroom, and I never did, and now the dresser like doesn't fit with the direction I ended up going. It was expensive. When I bought it, I was like, I am investing in this dresser. Got it, and I like it fine, sure, but it doesn't fit with where I ended up going. And I I had looked at it for a long time, and I really do think there's something to be said about putting money aside instead and then doing the whole room at once. That's your best bet to action. All at once, same day. But like right now, I'm focusing on the primary bedroom in the next two months, you know, like yeah, staying in the same time and the same focus to get it all one piece, yeah. So, what was the following question?

SPEAKER_03 45:40

One of the next questions. What is something you got thinking it would be the best thing ever for your home and family and has not ended up being worth the money? That's not that dresser.

SPEAKER_04 45:50

I mean, I didn't think that was gonna be the best thing for my home and family.

SPEAKER_03 45:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:54

I think it's design choices over furniture for me in that regard. I regret opening things up as much as we did.

SPEAKER_03 46:03

Oh, okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 46:04

I I wish that I would have kept we don't really have a layout of a house for a closed concept. And I'm not necessarily looking for a closed concept. I appreciate the way our house is open in a lot of ways, but we really lack nooks and crannies to create cozy spots and corners in our home. Sure. And uh I feel some kind of way about that.

SPEAKER_03 46:27

I think yeah, we couldn't do a fully closed all these different rooms and spaces, but there are opportunities to have considered separate spaces, and we don't have a lot of that right, but it can be you can always add them back in, and that's long term, I'm sure what we'll do.

SPEAKER_04 46:44

And long term, I've wanted to close the dining room back in, and yeah. I I'd really like to add skylights back in in a couple places, and it's more things like that.

SPEAKER_03 46:54

I don't I really haven't we've done very little furniture buying like we've reused and repurposed a lot of furniture over the years.

SPEAKER_04 47:02

Yeah, I really haven't invested in the furniture that I would like to furniture when we renovated our house, it was during COVID, and when we were moving into our house was peak furniture prices and peak furniture delivery. So we were committing to paying a like 50% premium and it taking six months to a year for our furniture to arrive. And so I didn't commit to anything because it was so much more expensive. One, and two, the wait times were so long, I felt like, am I even going to be excited about this when this arrives, or am I gonna feel so over it?

SPEAKER_03 47:42

Well, yeah, and uh that's assuming it showed up at all. You you're working with limited options in terms of like these are the things that we make right now, and it's gonna take you a year for them to show up.

SPEAKER_04 47:53

We've repurposed a lot of furniture uh to the point where uh some of it really doesn't work for what we're doing, but that's why our living area is so beige because in the house that we lived previous to this one, it had a green kitchen and the bathrooms were blue, and there was a lot more color through the fixtures in the home. And so I got neutral furniture, and then we moved all that neutral furniture to this house that is very neutral in its walls, and now the whole house feels like a cream. It's fine.

SPEAKER_03 48:27

Yeah, yeah. No, it looks it looks very nice.

SPEAKER_04 48:29

It's just it's just not what I would choose. And you did the house intentionally, thinking, oh well, the furnishing, and that's where I'm gonna add color, color, yeah, and I can't get myself to invest because couches have gone from a $3,500 investment to a $12,000 investment over the last however many years. And I'm like, my couch works, yeah, it's comfortable.

SPEAKER_03 48:47

Yeah, it does the job. It makes it hard, makes it really hard, especially because you know we have three kids and a dog, and we're not gentle on a couch, right? We're not in the season for committing five figures of money into something that you know is gonna get used and abused, just for it to look different.

SPEAKER_04 49:04

Yeah, it won't function any differently.

SPEAKER_03 49:07

Yeah, it's hard to justify that when you're like, well, the couch that we've already kind of made gross works.

SPEAKER_04 49:12

I just don't know aesthetics or that it's it is important to me, and I really enjoy it and I value it and I appreciate it for other people. And I'm big about working with what I have and knowing that I can have those things at a later date if I choose, and I would rather be doing different things in the present.

SPEAKER_03 49:28

Totally. Yeah, the functionality, remembering the functionality of your home is a big part of it, and so yeah, I would say definitely for us more design too.

SPEAKER_04 49:36

I think remember that my favorite homes to visit are not the most beautiful ones. Love being in a beautiful home. Yeah, however, my favorite place to be is in a home that is functional overall else. Like I want to feel comfortable sitting down with you to talk, and I want it to feel cozy and comfortable. And if it's that, it doesn't have to be an aesthetic masterpiece.

SPEAKER_03 49:54

I think half the time that's the more impressive thing, too, is when you see somebody that has like a really functional layout of something, you're like, wow, that really works. Makes a lot of sense. It's impressive.

SPEAKER_04 50:02

Yeah. What was the last question?

SPEAKER_03 50:04

Last

Window Treatments Matter More Than You Think

SPEAKER_03 50:05

question. What is something you think is overlooked that we should be putting more resources towards when choosing pieces?

SPEAKER_04 50:10

Not necessarily when choosing pieces, but when you're planning your budget, really consider and dedicate a portion of it to window treatment.

SPEAKER_01 50:19

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 50:20

Because I did not do that, and then I got big sticker shock from what window treatments cost.

SPEAKER_03 50:26

We have a lot of windows.

SPEAKER_04 50:27

I only have window treatments in like three rooms that are well done because I have been slowly adding them and like our bedroom, the price just rocks my world every single time. And I'm not even looking at anything fancy. Sure. And our IKEA ones that kind of look terrible, like they do not look good. They look like a college kid hung IKEA drapes.

SPEAKER_02 50:51

They have tracks.

SPEAKER_04 50:52

The tracks look good. It's not the tracks aren't the issue.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

Yeah, it's how the actual curtains are hung.

SPEAKER_04 50:58

Curtains that don't have any run to them that are not like they look cheap.

SPEAKER_03 51:03

Yeah, we need like two or three more panels on them, and then they need to be pleated the right way and hung correctly, and a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:11

But I'm like, uh uh, they block the light.

SPEAKER_03 51:14

It's dark in here at night. That's pretty good. That'll do.

SPEAKER_04 51:17

I'm really guilty of doing that. And the thing is, what I will tell you is I don't know that that's the best attitude to have because it does bother me.

SPEAKER_01 51:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 51:28

And so I would have liked to dedicate more of my budget to that initially would be my two cents.

SPEAKER_03 51:37

That's valid. And good chairs, I think people really focus on their couches and stuff, and then making sure you have enough chairs because not everybody wants to sit.

SPEAKER_04 51:46

Because chairs are as expensive as the couch.

SPEAKER_03 51:48

Well, that is a big part of the problem. But I think smaller chairs too, like, I think there's a lot of good options in terms of smaller chairs, especially thrifting. I'm still thinking about those cool black chairs we saw when we were thrifting. But I that I'm guilty of like, what a great deal for two small chairs without a plan of where I would put two small. So don't be me. It's not a good strategy.

SPEAKER_04 52:08

You're all also something that I've really learned that I've had to rein in with you. You have great taste and can really pick out, yes, individually. And when you put together a room, you're like, every every piece is gonna be a statement. They're all gonna be incredible. And then you put it all together, and I'm like, what the hell is going on?

SPEAKER_03 52:27

That works for a modern art gallery if it's designed to only display individual pieces of singular things, you can't live in it. It's just like here's 25 cool things.

SPEAKER_04 52:37

But I've learned that when I'm looking for your approval when shopping, yeah, I'll show you things you're like, I don't really like that.

SPEAKER_03 52:43

That really doesn't speak to me.

SPEAKER_04 52:44

Yeah, and I'm like, well, it's a support piece. It's not you're like, what about this pattern sculpture?

SPEAKER_03 52:51

It goes behind the couch. Well, I was looking at this one that was banana yellow, and you're like, yeah, but nothing in the room is banana yellow. We would have to convert the entire space. I wanted a yellow couch.

SPEAKER_01 53:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:03

And the uh and you're like, this couch would be so cool in a room that can accommodate a banana yellow couch.

SPEAKER_04 53:09

It was a really cool yellow couch, but it wasn't that, but I was like, nothing in the entire it wasn't just the singular space.

SPEAKER_03 53:16

Like we already had a a color scheme and other products and like you're like if the aesthetic of the entire home was different, yes, this couch would look amazing in that house. We live in this house. Yeah, if you're gonna redo all the cabinets in that space, sure.

SPEAKER_04 53:34

That's what I told you. I told you I was like, we can get that couch if you're gonna stand down and paint every single cabinet over there. And you went, Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 53:42

I was like, Yeah, that is a bad choice. Okay, correct. I've I've at least learned that. There would have been a time where I was like, no, no, it's a really good choice. We should absolutely you're just not seeing it. And then I put it in there. I'm like, Yeah, yeah, yellows is yellow's not blending real well with the other traditional plaid curtains. Yeah, it's not, yeah. Turns out it doesn't blend with the traditional choices we've made in here. It it belongs in a mid-like a true mid-century home that this is not ours, just has touches of. Yeah, I do love individual pieces, and I don't decorate for shit when it's all together. That was my apartment. Yeah, my apartment had cool stuff in it, and no stuff. I had that uh cow skull that I painted. I had so many things. That giant American flag, that's just in the garage now.

SPEAKER_04 54:34

You have fine taste, it's not that sure.

SPEAKER_03 54:37

Yeah, yeah. No, I don't I don't question my individual taste of things. I just have learned the hard way that there is a skill to putting together a space that I am not in comfortable.

SPEAKER_04 54:48

I'm not great at it either. I it's it's hard, it's really hard. Um, anything else that you think you would put money is like really try to think about with your budget? Invest in rugs from the beginning if you don't have carpet, it'll be loud in the house.

SPEAKER_03 55:02

Yeah, rugs, rugs are important. So much of it is functionality. Don't focus on spaces you don't use the same way, though. Like don't fill a room just because you have it. Because I I feel like that happens a lot. I see people they're like, Well, we have this dining room, we have to put a dining table and dining chairs in here, and they spend a bunch of money on that, and it just lives in that room.

SPEAKER_04 55:25

That's something that really not stuff that you can invest in in the long term if that's something that you don't utilize in your day-to-day life for sure.

SPEAKER_03 55:32

Yeah, that's the thing to thrift. That's the thing to wait until you find the right thing. If you see one pop up and you're like, great, that's on my list of things to get that I don't want to spend eight thousand dollars on.

SPEAKER_04 55:44

I think those were good answers.

SPEAKER_03 55:45

Yeah, there were a lot of good answers in there. You're a you're a true professional, you have lots of thoughts on how to decorate a home and do all that.

Asking For Favors Builds Community

SPEAKER_03 55:52

Somebody asked us about our trip to Florida and how did our acquaintance know that we were nearby and in need of pictures?

SPEAKER_04 55:58

The friend that we canceled photos on called, so actually I had known she was in town because when I'd posted I was there, she had DM'd me and said, if you need pictures, let me know. And I told her that we were meeting with our other friend, and she's like, Oh, great, cool. And then the friend we canceled on, when we canceled, she's like, Oh, well, our mutual friend staying 10 minutes from here. I was like, Oh yeah, I forgot. And so we all got in contact with one another.

SPEAKER_03 56:27

Your network, yeah, just people that take pictures and keep tabs on each other. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 56:33

So we all just knew and were I don't know. I am never afraid to ask for a favor.

SPEAKER_03 56:42

No, no, I mean I am also That's not strictly true. You don't think not something that you think is really gonna put somebody out.

SPEAKER_04 56:51

Well, right, because I don't think that that's whether or not this is an appropriate ask. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 56:57

Because I feel like saying I'm never afraid to ask for a favor can sound like, well, I'll just ask for the moon and hope that that happens.

SPEAKER_04 57:04

I don't mean it that way, but I think a lot of people, for you, for example, sure, you just won't ask. You don't ask for help, you won't ask for whereas I, if I think that it is an appropriate, sure, ask. And I also always in my communication leave lots of room to say, you know, no problem. And please, you know, like, you know, yeah, please say no. This is not a demand.

SPEAKER_03 57:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 57:32

Uh, because I I feel like that's how the world's supposed to operate. And I am also gonna be the first to volunteer, too. When somebody calls me, I will drop everything if I can to go and do and be, and because that's how you participate in a community.

SPEAKER_03 57:46

Yeah, we both share that. I just don't ask people for help. I do, which actually I think limits your community, your relationships in your community because people feel like that's one-sided, even if it's not.

SPEAKER_04 57:57

Well, because they don't want to ask for you for help if you don't ever ask them for help.

SPEAKER_03 58:01

Correct. Yeah, that's some of that is how you build a real relationship. Right, completely a mutual appreciation and help.

SPEAKER_04 58:08

Totally.

SPEAKER_03 58:08

People don't want to feel like they're charity cases.

SPEAKER_04 58:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:12

And I can be very guilty of that. So anyway, I did find another one. Uh, why don't you read it? It's long, and you know how I I've I've made it through one long email, and that was impressive in itself.

Second Baby And Toddler Behavior

SPEAKER_04 58:24

Last week you chatted about the jump from one to two and then two to three. I just had my second baby in November and it truly rocked us. We had some fertility struggles this time, so the age gap was bigger than we intended. Our first was three and a half when we had our second. I think the gap being so big, our daughter was more aware of everything. Three and a half years being so big is kind of a funny thing to me because I think that's a really standard.

SPEAKER_01 58:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 58:46

That's a really common age gap that I see. My best friend and her kids are three and a half years. Okay. We had a lot of issues with hitting or attention seeking behaviors, even though we felt we were being so intentional about each of us spending time with her and spending time with the three of us while our newborn napped. I'm wondering if it was similar for you this time, with your older two being the age they were, and why you felt it rocked you this time. I have no experience with three kids, and we don't plan on having any more. But I think now that we hit six months, we've found our groove and everyone has found our new normal. Love the pod, you speak so thoughtfully on so many topics. I absolutely love listening. It makes me think and often implement things into my life, whether that be with my kids or my partner. The one that comes to mind is when Matt said something to you, and instead of being defensive or anything, you just said, Tell me more. Such a small thing, but so much understanding can come from it. So thank you. That was really, really nice. I think you may be getting confused with what is a very developmentally appropriate milestone happening in unison with the birth of your second child. Because what you said with hitting and things like that, that is a very three, three and a half-year-old thing.

SPEAKER_03 59:57

Ask us how we know.

SPEAKER_04 59:58

Ask us how we know. No, I I think that that's really common. And I have experienced it with my friends' kids around that age. I experienced with my own kids, both of my kids so far that have hit that age range. I have experienced that. And so I think the thing we can do as parents is be sure to be aware of when we're addressing meaning to things that may not be there. Yeah. Because it sounds like again, not a professional, just this is my own opinion, is maybe we have an in, like maybe as you're talking, you have an insecurity surrounding your older not feeling cherished, love scene now that a new baby is in. So when there are behaviors, you're connecting it to that thing that you're feeling insecure about when it could just be that she's three and a half. And I think not adding meaning behind some of those behaviors can really aid the stress levels for everyone. And I I think it's great to be intentional about getting one-on-one time, but I I don't really feel like we struggled a whole lot with transitions in the kids behaving any kind of way when we added another like we had a few moments where there were things like, well, I don't want a little brother.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:25

There was there was individual things.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:27

When things like that were said, we were really mindful to implement more time with that child and you know, making sure that there was more attention there, but it dissipated pretty quickly.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:40

Yeah, yeah. I I would agree that you may just be experiencing normal stuff for that, and it's not a result of some shortcoming on how you've handled the addition of a child. That's just a big event for everybody, and a big event is gonna cause some reaction. It wouldn't have to be a baby. It could you also challenge me a lot on like they're using the tools they have. You're trying to assess, like with grown-up logic and reasoning onto somebody that their only tool might be hitting as a way to express what's going on inside, like they don't have the control or the regulation or the words, or like they're not attempting violence. No, no, no, no. They're that like that is an explosion of their energy out of their body. Yeah, it does make me think of when our oldest was three, she would announce hit before she would hit you. She'd be like, hit, and then she would swing. Yes, yeah. So you had a warning that it was coming, it was pretty good. That was it's really hard not to laugh at that.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:42

That one you felt less upset. It really diffused it as the grown-up. You were like, Right, okay, I think you're about to try and hit me.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:50

Yeah. And you know what? It it is such a short season. I think the reason two to three has been so hard for us isn't so much the kids as much as it is.

Why Two To Three Rocked Us

SPEAKER_04 1:03:01

I think Matt and I, Matt, if this is too personal for me to share of you, I mean you'll cut it out. But I think we've both really struggled with our mental health since having kids. I think a lot has happened in our personal lives and having kids has really rocked a lot of foundations that we have of our identities. And I have had three kids in four years, which means in the last now five years, I was sick for a year and a half of the last five years, puking. Yeah. For a year and a half of the last five years.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:35

Just unwell.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:36

And so, and then I was postpartum, freshly postpartum for you know more than that. What is that? But like, you know, about the same. Let's say six months, let's say two years. I'm not saying I haven't been postpartum, but like where it's fresh and I'm really just not sleeping and things are falling behind. So I've had two of the last five years have been seasons of us falling behind on chores and day-to-day and organization and with limited help from anybody other than Matt. And I really think that it's that that has rocked my world more than anything. And those are commitments that I chose, and I think I've also been really hard on myself in that regard of oh, I'm now way behind, but I also chose to have the third child.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:23

And I it's just yeah, there is some element of like, well, you could have seen this coming. Like you made the choices, you've made the choices three times. Um in our defense, every time we've made the choice, we're like, oh, okay, I think we're I think we're okay.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:37

Well, what happens is we get to about where we are right now, yeah, and things start to get really good again. Uh the system. Yeah, we're we're a year into recovering. The systems are starting to come back together, things are starting to come back online, you know. We are functional again, is how it feels. And so we're like, oh wow, actually, we're not a mess. We are really functional. We could totally have another baby.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:06

Not even peak functional. We're just like, oh god, it we're like, we're moving. If we keep doing this, we're gonna be in great shape by the time this kid comes around.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:15

Right. And then I get sick for six months.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:17

And uh anyway, all that to say, I think the reason two to three rocked us so hard is it kind of rocked our confidence in that upward swing when things swung back and kind of crashed and burned.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:31

Yeah, yeah. You just it just adds complication every time. And so it's uh some of that is normal, and then some of it has brought up a lot of things, I think, individually for us, or accelerated individual things for us that don't uh help with the chaos and don't help with the uh but the kids themselves I don't feel like have ever been the hard part. They're really incredible and no, they do a really good job and they handle our chaos better than they probably should.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:05

Yeah. And it's really creating structure for them, and I think that's why two to three has rocked me so hard, is because I really do want to create reliable structure for them. And I know that I have not been doing my best job at that, and I am feeling better about it now that we're through the first year, though.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:23

Yeah. If nothing else, what you start to struggle with is you have two very different needs on the spectrum of our kids. Like you have one that's one and one that's you know, five. And so the needs of a five-year-old and the needs of a one-year-old, they don't overlap a whole lot. And so I can see that being more of an issue if you have a three and a half, four, five year age gap. Just the individual demands and that that part is hard.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:52

Totally.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:53

And so and then we have one in the middle that we have to vibe balance, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:59

Well, I guess that's true because our daughter wasn't four when our third was born. So it's kind of like we have that age gap and then one in the middle. Yeah, but we made it.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:13

Yeah, good luck to you. I hope uh I hope you get it all figured out.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:16

As always, you're doing great. I always say that. I'm like, you're doing great if you're thinking about it. Yeah, I think that means you're probably on the up and up and looking for resources and good for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:26

And three is definitely an age where they act out. Absolutely, they've got a real command of the language and their bodies, and they use it freely.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:36

Yes, absolutely.

Rate Review And Goodbye

SPEAKER_04 1:07:38

On that note, email us, rate review, send us a text message, and we'll talk to you next week.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:43

Bye.

SPEAKER_04 1:07:44

Bye.