Worth It or Not Worth It

We bounce from everyday logistics to how authenticity lands in different rooms and how birthdays can mess with your sense of progress. We also dig into what’s truly worth spending money on, what’s overhyped, and how to navigate family boundaries when you’re a young couple making adult choices. 

This week we get into:

• recording rhythm, tiredness, and why skipping breakfast backfires 
• listening back to ourselves, tone, and the intent versus impact problem 
• corporate communication norms and why directness can feel abrasive 
• leadership versus mentoring, hands off management, and discomfort with confrontation 
• birthday updates, the Dairy Queen power outage cake scramble, and self tanner before an event 
• ADHD time blindness, clean slate thinking, and why milestones trigger reflection 
• “worth the money” picks, cost per use logic, and where we happily spend 
• “not worth it” picks, skincare hype, and choosing sleep and water as low hanging fruit 
• backyard garden maintenance, herbicide concerns, and farm family context 
• bad dad and mean mom moments, guilt around missed bedtimes and shortcuts 
• word of the week “folderol” and why it fits 
• listener questions, video game loot pockets, and our default “fit” 
• advice on living together in college, parental financial support, boundaries, and consequences 

If you've got a thought to share or are looking for a bit of advice on something, leave us a voicemail at the link below!

https://www.speakpipe.com/overthinkingpod

If you'd like to message us you can use the email below or the text link at the top overthinking@theoverbys.com

CONNECT:
TikTok: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Instagram: @jojohnsonoverby / @matt.overby
Website:  https://jojohnsonoverby.com/

Transcript

Energy Levels And Breakfast Habits

SPEAKER_00 0:04

Who's more tired today?

SPEAKER_01 0:05

I'm not tired.

SPEAKER_00 0:06

Oh, look at me.

unknown 0:07

What?

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Yeah, I feel good.

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Uncharted territory.

SPEAKER_01 0:10

Yeah, I think we're recording at a better time.

SPEAKER_00 0:13

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

I think what happens a lot is I get prepped, like we're gonna record in the morning, and then by the time you're set up and you're ready to record, like not, you're not.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Sure. I'm not taking it personally.

SPEAKER_01 0:27

Okay, I'm it's I really am not. I have to be the hindiest speakers of all time.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

That's not even close to accurate. I just heard our president.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I I feel like I'm constantly putting my foot in my mouth and like I'm I'm never meaning to sound, but then maybe that's just I don't know. Anyway, typically we start about an hour later than the time we pencil in set, and that really throws me.

SPEAKER_00 0:59

That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 1:00

I think that's a piece of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

Yeah. Are you eating breakfast before the podcast?

SPEAKER_01 1:04

Never. Not unless there's something in the uh cloche. Cloche?

SPEAKER_00 1:09

The cloche.

SPEAKER_01 1:10

Yeah. If there are things in the cloche, yes. If there are not, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:13

If there's baked goods in the cloche, she's had breakfast.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Yeah. What?

SPEAKER_00 1:17

Well, that's good. That's I know it's true. It's just fun.

SPEAKER_01 1:20

Or if you serve it to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

Got it. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Which like I ate eggs the other morning because you made them and handed them to me.

SPEAKER_00 1:26

Yeah, that's that's true. Yeah. Yeah. That's funny.

SPEAKER_01 1:29

And I'm not saying anybody owes me that, to be clear.

SPEAKER_00 1:32

My guess is just the hour later combined with you not eating. You're in a combination of like hanging out. I'm down bad tired.

SPEAKER_01 1:38

I'm down bad.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Yeah. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

And it is my own fault.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

We need to have like snacks in the studio then.

SPEAKER_01 1:44

No, what we need is for Joe to grow up, get up, and make a real breakfast in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Barring that snacks in the studio, though.

SPEAKER_01 1:52

Yeah. I'd rather get more functional than uh equip my dysfunctions with things like snacks in the studio.

SPEAKER_00 2:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 2:00

Well, I was just trying to now if you finish out doing the office, yeah, and you want to put a mini fridge in there for me with snacks.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Sure. Mini fridge is doable.

SPEAKER_01 2:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Yeah.

Feeling Clunky With Words

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Yeah. Yeah. No, I really do. I feel very clunky with my language. I listened to last week's podcast.

SPEAKER_00 2:15

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

And I went, oh no.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

I try to clean you up pretty good most weeks. Does it work?

SPEAKER_01 2:22

It's not possible because it's not, it's not anything you could fix. It's my entire attitude.

SPEAKER_00 2:29

It's the it's the attitude.

SPEAKER_01 2:30

No, I listened, I was like, I'm insufferable.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

Oh, I don't know if that's true.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

I don't ever feel that way when we're talking. But then listening back, I was like, no wonder.

SPEAKER_00 2:40

Can you imagine if you thought you were insufferable as you talked?

SPEAKER_01 2:43

There are moments that you just didn't you just didn't pivot.

SPEAKER_00 2:46

You're like, you know what? This is me now.

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Oh, I don't know that I've not pivoted ever, but there are moments that I've been like, oh wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Well, I think everybody has a moment of self-reflection at times and be like, this isn't coming off the way I want it to, but like the idea that you just power through and you're like, I don't think I come off how I want to.

SPEAKER_01 3:03

I don't know. That's been a recurring theme in my life.

SPEAKER_00 3:06

That's fair. Yeah. You don't always have the best judge of audience first self.

SPEAKER_01 3:12

At all. Well, I act the same around everybody. Yeah. Which I don't think is necessarily a con.

SPEAKER_00 3:18

It's authentic. It just sometimes it doesn't land at some audiences don't like that.

SPEAKER_01 3:24

Don't like me. And you know what? That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:26

Uh people are just used to honestly, I it's it's both an audience issue and a speaker issue. I think people are used to being presented to, and that's comfortable for them, even if it's not totally authentic. They're like, well, this is how like in a corporate setting, there's a way you talk in a corporate setting.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

That's terrible.

SPEAKER_00 3:45

Yeah, but like there's a way that you communicate and everybody's kind of like, this isn't totally authentic, and we're all doing our own thing, but this is how it's done. And if you come into that setting and you know, just fire it straight off the hip, it's gonna come off abrasive, even if it's not.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

I would get fired.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

You'd have to work for yourself.

SPEAKER_01 4:02

That's always kind of been the like if I went to corporate, because I've thought about that. I have a lot of friends, so we live where Walmart headquarters are, and there are some other big corporations too. So tons of our friends work for Walmart and at headquarters and stuff. And all the time I'm like, well, maybe I should just go get a job there. As I'm listening to them, I'm like, that sounds rad. And then I think about me in a corporate setting, and I'm like, I would get eaten alive.

SPEAKER_00 4:28

You'd need a consultant type role. Even if you were within a corporate setting, you would need to have some amount of valuability. That's not true. You have tons of skills that are very in demand. However, your best dynamic is not in a structured nine to five corporate dynamic. You would need to accommodate one another.

SPEAKER_01 4:48

What if I went and got a job? We could still do the podcast and you and I just go get nine to fives again.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Um, what if we didn't Well Matt's considering it?

SPEAKER_01 4:56

Yeah, I was gonna say, like that that's not the end of the world for me, but um I don't think it's the end of the world, but you you talk to me like that would be the end of my world.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

I don't think it'd be the end of the world. I think you would struggle with it. I think you you do better with a flexible operation. But to some degree, the structure I think structure is good for everybody.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

I agree. I think the social aspect is what would be so good for me.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

That might be true.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

I really do. I want to be, I don't want to be an operator, I want to be a business owner. Owner.

SPEAKER_00 5:25

Like you want to be an executive, but not an operations executive.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Yeah. I want somebody else to do all that stuff, which then makes me feel like I don't even want to do the job. Which I don't think's true.

SPEAKER_00 5:37

You want to either do direct labor or complete oversight.

SPEAKER_01 5:43

Yes. No.

SPEAKER_00 5:44

Hands-off oversight, though.

SPEAKER_01 5:45

Yeah, like I want to be able to trust the people to do it, or I want to do it myself.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

Correct. Yes. I don't know what that says, but that I'm not a good leader.

SPEAKER_01 5:54

That's what it says.

SPEAKER_00 5:56

Oh. You're a hands-off leader. You know? You trust your people.

SPEAKER_01 6:02

I know I can confidently say that about myself. I don't think I'm a good leader. And I don't think that's an inherently bad thing. I not everybody can be good leaders, uh, then what would the world be?

SPEAKER_00 6:14

Yeah, no.

SPEAKER_01 6:15

I'm independent and I can lead myself just fine, but I don't do well in a leadership role.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

But it feels wrong to call you a bad leader, too, you know.

SPEAKER_01 6:24

I think that I'm a good influencer.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

Okay. That's good. I don't think that's good for what you do.

SPEAKER_01 6:30

I well, not in the sense of like what the job is.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

You're a positive influence.

SPEAKER_01 6:34

I think I'm a positive influence. I'm a good mentor.

SPEAKER_00 6:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:37

I don't think I'm a good leader. I think they're different.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

I

Corporate Talk And Authenticity

SPEAKER_00 6:40

think they're totally right.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

I think you're a good leader.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Oh, thanks. I can be. I'm not very confrontation. Um I'm not very comfortable with confrontation, so that is a weakness in my leadership.

SPEAKER_01 6:52

However, I think you are really good at addressing problems with humor.

SPEAKER_00 6:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

And I think you're more direct than you think you are in a work setting.

SPEAKER_00 7:04

Work, I I need a really good set of boundaries, and I need to know a true hierarchy and how appropriate it is for me to address an issue. But still, confrontation was never my strength in a corporate setting. But I was able to navigate issues minimizing confrontation, and there's an asset to that as well. I pair well with somebody that is confrontational. I can make a confrontational person less abrasive.

SPEAKER_01 7:28

Are you talking about our marriage right now?

SPEAKER_00 7:30

No, no, no, no. No. That is funny though. Like, I guess at times I've tried to do that, but I don't do that as well with you as I do in a work setting. There's better boundaries in a work setting. When I when it's you and I, it tends to come off more as like I'm minimizing you.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

A hundred percent.

SPEAKER_00 7:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

But I think that's what I don't think that was the intent. I think the intent is to soften impact.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

No, I'm always just trying to do it to make everyone feel as comfortable as possible.

SPEAKER_01 7:55

But not me.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Well, I've always believed in your strength. Um like she's she's tough, she can handle it. I want to make sure that other people who are fragile can't don't feel bad. And then you do that enough and you make your wife fragile too. So I wouldn't recommend that.

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Um, anyway, we've really Well, this was a topic.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

This is how we do it.

SPEAKER_01 8:15

This I feel like the last couple of weeks, since we started back with overthinking, I feel like we've been much better having a structure and a little bit more topic driven. And the last couple weeks, that has been out the window. Like we just are hopping on and we've we've brought it back to going where we go oversharing rather than overthinking. Well, fair enough.

SPEAKER_00 8:37

We could put a little more thinking into it. That's fair.

SPEAKER_01 8:39

What's your update for the week?

SPEAKER_00 8:41

My update for the week. Oh man. We potentially were having people coming, so I was getting some stuff ready for that. Uh I turned 34. I almost forgot about that. Yes, so I'm 34 now.

SPEAKER_01 8:54

I planned a birthday dinner for you.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

You planned a birthday dinner for me. That was fun.

SPEAKER_01 8:57

I don't know if that was considered a party.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

It was like a party dinner.

SPEAKER_01 9:00

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Yeah. We had cake.

SPEAKER_01 9:02

We had cake.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

We sat around, chatted it up.

SPEAKER_01 9:05

But not the cake you like because the power was out at the DQ. I wanted to get it. I I know you liked it, but your favorite, I thought, you can correct me if I'm wrong, is their cookie dough ice cream cake.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Oh, yeah. But I mean, cookie dough ice cream and vanilla ice cream, very similar.

SPEAKER_01 9:19

And I tried to order it and they were like, sorry, our power is out. So we have two cakes. Yeah. And we can't make any. So because I tried to custom order it.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 9:30

And typically they have all of them there already made. And then on top of that, you can custom order like with colors and stuff, which is what I had tried to do. And they were like, Yeah, we don't have power. So we have two cakes and you need to pick them up now.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

The l yeah. The lobby was cut. We so I don't know what happened in Fayetteville, but power was out. The power was out for hours, and so obviously for a dairy queen, that is an issue.

SPEAKER_01 9:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 9:53

So they had only two ice cream cakes, which is wild if you've ever been inside one. There's usually 25 of different shapes and sizes.

SPEAKER_01 10:02

Yeah, I got I I picked it up through the drive-thru and I was like, Can I pick up an ice cream cake? And she's like, Yeah, we have two. She's like, red or uh uh, I don't remember what the other option was. And I was like, sure, red. Yeah. And I pull up, she's like, it's 10 inches. I hope that's okay. There's not another option.

SPEAKER_00 10:23

I was gonna say, you got a you got an ice cream cake format? I've never gotten. I've never gotten the low round one. I've only gotten the tall same, the eight-inch. The tall eight-inch.

SPEAKER_01 10:33

Which is what I I tried to order an eight-inch cookie dough. If you've never had Dairy Queen ice cream cake, this segment sucks for you. It is really good. It is really, really good.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Yeah. But they come in, I've almost always had them in a tall round. And so you slice them in a triangle, which with birthday cake and stuff, we've moved away from.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

But then you can't cut long triangles of the big round that's shallow because they're insanely long.

SPEAKER_01 11:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

And so I was trying to cut it into squares. And if you cut an ice cream cake into squares, it's divided in the middle. So the top half separates from the bottom almost immediately.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

I was going insane cutting it, but uh I'm realizing that we are both wearing pop sensations of the case. I saw that before the podcast.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

I meant to address it right away, but I didn't.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

This is my I'm wearing my uh tanner t-shirt.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:27

When I'm wearing self-tan, I always wear this t-shirt.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

That's hilarious.

SPEAKER_01 11:31

And we're going to an event tonight, and so I put self-tanner on my arms and legs before. So I probably look a little uh nuts today. Um anybody that's watching on the but you haven't done your face, so it's just your arms, right? It's just my arms and legs and my my neck, like okay.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

I see it now. Yeah, it's not too bad. But when you put your arm next to your face, it is a it's a little crazy.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

I'll do my makeup so that it matches tonight.

SPEAKER_00 11:55

How's my face and my arm? I'm pretty good. Yeah, they're the same.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

I didn't do it, but you didn't you're not wearing self-tanners.

SPEAKER_00 12:00

No, I wasn't. I'm owed them.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

I'm wearing a dress that is kind of skin tone colored. It's I mean it's cream, but I was worried about it.

SPEAKER_00 12:10

But you'd like to accentuate your skin. You'd you'd like to make them different colors.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

Yeah, I haven't gotten in the sun much this summer.

SPEAKER_00 12:17

We haven't yeah, we haven't been in the pool.

SPEAKER_01 12:19

I feel like I've been in my swimsuit a lot and I've been to the beach and I've been at the pool, but it's always been in the evenings.

SPEAKER_00 12:25

We front loaded our pool in summer, like beach time.

SPEAKER_01 12:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:30

I thought we were gonna get really tan because we got out so early in the summer in like May and June, but through July we just haven't really done much.

SPEAKER_01 12:37

So we've there's a lot of yard work to be done, so you could go

Leadership Styles And Confrontation

SPEAKER_01 12:40

out and do that. Tons of yard work. You get really tan.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Yeah. I'm not in like uh comfortable yard work with my shirt off shape, you know. So I'm just gonna farmers tan it then, and then that's a whole different vibe that I don't particularly love.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

It works fine though, because when are you wearing less clothes than the tank top?

SPEAKER_00 12:59

The pool. I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

But isn't the point that you're not getting tan because you're not going to the pool?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 13:05

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

I don't know what my point is. Okay, don't don't put me on the ropes on this one.

SPEAKER_01 13:09

I think you were trying to avoid yard work.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

That's great too, if I can manage it.

SPEAKER_01 13:13

I'm trying to go out there with a uh the weed whacker and just go to town on that butterfly garden because I need to do it before the cosmos start self-seeding again. I have thousands of orange cosmos right now in our butterfly garden.

SPEAKER_00 13:27

And it's a butterfly garden's just a cosmo garden with it.

SPEAKER_01 13:30

It's gonna be the end of me. I want the other plants to survive. So that's on my to-do.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

It's got a good amount of grass that needs to go in there.

SPEAKER_01 13:36

It's bad.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

We could go and paint um herbicide.

unknown 13:41

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:42

But rather than spray it, you can paint it so that you only get what you Well, and I've intentionally not used any pesticide herbicides on that garden, but I do think that we're at a point that that might be the only solution for it to make it.

SPEAKER_00 13:56

Pesticide we don't need because it's a butterfly garden. Right. But herbicide we are using. I thought they could still that can't that's okay to the well, I'm thinking specifically the grass, um, glyphosate, which is Roundup.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

But that sounds dangerous for what? Bugs and creatures.

SPEAKER_00 14:17

It's one of the less impactful herbicides. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 14:20

It's also very difficult.

SPEAKER_00 14:21

Well we don't eat anything out of that garden, so it's also correct, but it's one of the ones that neutralizes the fastest.

SPEAKER_01 14:28

Okay. And so um I love that you actually understand that stuff because I'm always like, oh, spooky.

SPEAKER_00 14:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:36

Don't use any chemical ever. And Matt's like, well, everything's a chemical.

SPEAKER_00 14:40

Yeah, everything is a chemical. And I know people have there's been like lawsuits against Roundup and stuff, but in the few cases that has occurred in, it's like somebody bathed in Roundup, and then of course, like that's not good for you. But otherwise, it's very thoroughly studied and does not chemically interact with I associate it with like farming. Yeah. Well, it's heavily used in farming and very effective for farming. But we're able to produce it.

SPEAKER_01 15:07

Isn't it like really hurting farmers?

SPEAKER_00 15:10

That is the claim. But there's a long history and well studied that it does not interact with animal or human cells. And except for extreme circumstances where people are exposed to it like a ton, like a like an insane amount.

SPEAKER_01 15:27

So it's kind of like the aspartane drinking 17 diet coke situation. Maybe not that extreme, but a lot like that.

SPEAKER_00 15:33

And so when you're a farmer, you're engaging with it so much that you need to take additional safety measures that people weren't taking, or yes, it's it's that people in the few cases, it's also very hard to link because technically, chemically, it does not interact with human cells.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Well, because they're seeing a huge rise in cancer in Iowa and Nebraska in farm communities. Yes. And I just assumed I haven't read any research, so I was just curious.

SPEAKER_00 15:58

Yeah, yeah, there's lots of um I'll have to dive into that. Yeah, I definitely I'm waiting outside of my actual experience here, but there's uh there's lots of stuff that farmers are exposed to. But sometimes it's that people are trying to not use glyphosate and other stuff that is less well studied.

SPEAKER_01 16:15

Um has Matt and I are um a generation, I'm two generations farm removed. You're one generation farm removed.

SPEAKER_00 16:24

Yeah, both my parents grew up on farms. Like my dad worked until he left.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

And I'm assuming my mom definitely worked on stuff there too.

SPEAKER_01 16:33

But obviously not in the same capacity, but and mine was grandparents, and I still have cousins and everything that work, so do you.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 16:41

Like we both have still family that for sure farms and does that.

SPEAKER_00 16:44

Farming families.

SPEAKER_01 16:46

I didn't realize that people didn't have family that did that. Uh like I thought that was a really common thing.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

It is if you're from where we are.

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Right.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

Yeah, correct.

SPEAKER_01 16:57

I didn't until I got older, I was like, oh, yeah, your grandparents don't live on a farm?

SPEAKER_00 17:02

Yeah. Nope, that's true. That's funny. Your cousins don't have a um combine back in the big old building huge, huge sheds and combines.

Birthday Update And Cake Chaos

SPEAKER_01 17:15

Your family doesn't have Clydesdales that pull the equipment.

SPEAKER_00 17:18

Uh my family doesn't have horses, but yes, that is yours, yours has a very particular style. Yeah, my fun.

SPEAKER_01 17:26

My dad's uh well, a cousin. He his sons have now taken over the farm for the most part. I mean, farming's a generational, you're always doing it, but they've taken head on it. And in his quote unquote retirement, he does a certain number of acres, like 15 acres, a hundred acres. I have no idea. Sure. Uh, all with horses and like old school equipment.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Which is so cool.

SPEAKER_00 17:52

It is cool, and sounds like a pain in the ass. But yeah, if you love it, you love it.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

If you love it, you love it. Yeah. Yeah. They have a whole lot of boys.

SPEAKER_00 18:01

That's good.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

My whole family's girls, like my dad and his brother, and then his cousins have all boys. They're like seven boys.

SPEAKER_00 18:09

That's so many. So many boys.

SPEAKER_01 18:11

And they all live right there together.

SPEAKER_00 18:14

And it's farming, baby.

SPEAKER_01 18:15

Teeny farm town.

SPEAKER_00 18:18

What have you been up to this week?

SPEAKER_01 18:20

What have I been up to? I planned your birthday party.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Uh another. I have so many friends whose birthday is this week.

SPEAKER_00 18:28

This coming or this current week.

SPEAKER_01 18:31

Your birthday. I have a family member whose birthday. My sister's birthday was last week. I have two other friends that were born on your birthday.

SPEAKER_00 18:40

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Like I have, and then I have a friend whose birthday was yesterday. I have a friend whose birthday like I have so many birthdays this two-week period in July in my life. I just am loving the cancers and Leos. Yeah. I have a lot of first week of August too. So apparently, Cancer Leo, Cuspers, and Leos are my jam. I don't know what that means.

SPEAKER_00 19:04

I always wanted to be a Leo. I thought cancer was lame.

SPEAKER_01 19:07

You're a Cusper Cusper, aren't you? Yeah. Like just the day before. You thought cancer was lame?

SPEAKER_00 19:13

Well, yeah, it's called cancer. And then it was a crab.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Crabs are cool.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

Not as cool as lions. Let me tell you that.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

That's fair.

SPEAKER_00 19:21

When a little boy looked up what his sign was, and it was a crab called cancer, as opposed to a lion called Leo. He was like, Well, this sucks. I didn't look into at all what they meant, but I was like, Wow, I could have been a lion and I'm a crab.

SPEAKER_01 19:35

I didn't even get an animal.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Well, also that. Yeah, yours is just two people faces, whatever, whatever it is. I don't know what it is. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:44

It looks like a 6'9.

SPEAKER_00 19:48

69, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 19:49

Uh, or it looks like a Roman numeral. Like the side, all the signs for it. I'm like, wait, what?

SPEAKER_00 19:54

Yeah, it's like two face. Yeah, whatever it is. Anyway, that is also not exciting, but sounds cooler than cancer. I was like, what a what a terrible option. Turns out I think cancers are cool, right?

SPEAKER_01 20:06

Really cool.

SPEAKER_00 20:06

Like they're good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:08

They're all good. There's not a bad one. It's it's not that's not how it works.

SPEAKER_00 20:13

Okay, got it.

SPEAKER_01 20:14

It's like Myers Briggs and every other thing in the world. You can't be like, oh, well, that one, they're bad. Actually, that's something I'm going through in therapy right now.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:26

Is that negative qualities do not mean that people are bad.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Are you having to learn that or yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:35

Because I don't like to ever point out something negative about somebody else or acknowledge something negative about somebody else because I perceive it as I am calling them bad.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:46

It's really hard for me. Like I I this isn't new information to me.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

No.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

But that's what I'm working through.

SPEAKER_00 20:53

You you prioritize heavily sharing somebody's positive qualities. Always. You'll even preface the bad ones with like, here's all the great qualities about them.

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Or here's all the reasons they might be that way.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

Yes. Or you will justify their and it's not justification. It's always like uh like intellectualizing and rationalizing somebody's bad actions. Not mine, obviously. Um I'm flawless, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Oh yeah, I had so I had therapy this week. I went to a couple of birthday dinners.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Yeah, you've had you've been a busy week.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

I've had a really busy week, but uh and then work, just normal work, yeah, then stuff.

SPEAKER_00 21:31

Just trying to do work.

SPEAKER_01 21:32

Um but it's been good. You turned another year older.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Another year older, another trip around the sun.

SPEAKER_01 21:37

Matt, I guess only if you want to disclose, but uh struggles with his birthday.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

Uh it's just a very typical marker of time. And so in the last couple years, especially, where I have um mentally not thrived or not necessarily advanced or taken on the things that I would have liked to having really defined markers in terms of well another year has passed and you didn't do what you wanted to do or you don't feel a different way than you were hoping to feel this year. Uh my life passes I don't track time well. That's an ADHD thing. And so the markers that make times passing very clear. So my birthday, kids' birthdays, certain holidays, not for some reason New Year's. Like New Year's, which is like a true time marking holiday. Time marking holiday, those make me a lot more aware of progress or the lack of progress.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Like oh another six months has passed.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Yeah, exactly. And so there's a lot of things even on a week to week day-to-day basis, I really have to have like a fresh start or a clear break in a timeline. Like I want to do this project, I'll start tomorrow. I will start next Monday. Like just psychologically I want a clean break. I want a trigger or something to I'm not I don't I've I've literally talked about this with my therapist. I don't

Time Markers And Birthday Reflection

SPEAKER_00 23:20

remember what how we describe it but there's something about a new date or a fresh date or a like a clean slate movie.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

It's like you wanting a fresh notebook.

SPEAKER_00 23:30

Yeah exactly and so I have to kind of invent one but birthdays and those kind of holidays are very clear ones that kind of everybody acknowledges and so they tend to make me reflective and if I'm not in a good uh self-reflective state then it doesn't go how you would hope. But uh yeah so I turned 34.

SPEAKER_01 23:54

Sad boy.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

Yeah yeah reflective boy I guess and so that and the injury to my back in the last month have made me feel old. I don't usually feel old I usually feel like me and getting a back injury that's kept me from working out for a month and then turning 34 was not a good combination for my perceived age. I'm sure I'll get active again and then feel better.

SPEAKER_01 24:20

But right now I'm like well you're dying now and with that I guess we'll call it I'm never working out again and I'm old

Five Things Worth The Money

SPEAKER_01 24:28

as heck. Adios old dad time uh okay uh chronically online chronically online this week on the interwebs okay there has been a massive trend to share five things that you think are worth the money which has then evolved into five things that you don't think are worth the money. Oh so on the spot I would like you to provide us with five things that you have spent money on that you think are worth it and five things that you don't.

SPEAKER_00 25:02

Five things that I've spent money on that are worth it. I in my video said the Lexus RX yeah hot water tap which is a little funny with the Lexus Rx because you buy them very used typically from family members and so I I've bought them with a hundred thousand miles. When you say they're for like worth the money you're buying them post appreciation is a little bit funny.

SPEAKER_01 25:27

Just because I still think it's worth it.

SPEAKER_00 25:30

Absolutely no totally they're a great car and they have they've been very much worth the money you put into them but people see that and they're like oh so you're buying fancy Lexus's new and you're like no not I've never bought a new car in my life.

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Seven years old at least yeah but seven years old a hundred thousand miles exactly so just to preface that drive it until it has 3000 miles on it and it's worth every penny. Uh hot water tap.

SPEAKER_00 25:57

Yes Birkenstocks okay what else did I say I only had the one pair and I haven't broken them in. They've only been worn like five times.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

I'm trying to think of the other things that I said oh okay I also said left on Friday swimwear and custom jewelry I said custom sentimental jewelry specifically because I love a fancy piece of jewelry to symbolize or document uh part of life.

SPEAKER_00 26:24

Yeah. Oh what would my five be viance by vance is worth it um what do I spend money on?

SPEAKER_01 26:33

We've had to cut out like a 38 minute gap and by that I mean maybe 90 seconds. Yeah I don't feel like I can't think of anything that he has.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Anything that I yeah that's that you use. Yeah that's the beauty of me.

SPEAKER_01 26:47

You're not a splurger no not too what's weird is you're a spender.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Yeah but I love a value. I only spend on things that I can buy at great value. I like to buy things but I like to know that I got a good deal on it. Um and so I find a hard time justifying like oh it's worth the money because it's like well it wasn't worth the full retail price money to me. Good socks and underwear good socks and underwear are worth it in terms of like you wear them all the time they actually affect the quality of your life and so going bottom of the barrel underwear bottom of the barrel socks is not it. You can always find your own values maybe that's what I need to approach it with. What are the things that I don't go just I know what your nail trimmers ooh yeah good fingernail clippers good fingernail clippers good grooming tools are worth the money just because again it is something you use all the time and having the better version of it you'll feel happier. Sometimes just eliminating that friction or that frustration of dealing with something even if it's functional is nice. I always like to go a little higher quality with a TV picture quality is important to me. Buying the biggest cheapest TV is not uh something that again where I struggle is that I don't always go top of the line I try to go performance per dollar and so I'll maximize that as far as I can kind of shop the same in that regard. Yeah like we value no we shop very different things and for sure are wanting very different things but both of us are a like cost per use cost per wear cost for quality yeah I want to get the most for my dollar and so I do that with TVs I do that with speakers I do that with grooming tools socks and underwear I think that's a great place to go but never bottom of the barrel stuff. There's lots of things that I don't think are worth the incremental cost. A couple other things that I think are worth the money vinyls okay vintage record players like versus uh versus getting one new because that's when they made them to listen to them for real. And so I think those are both great options. Um networking gear I love me some networking gear and I think it's something that we use every day and reliability is key.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

And lighting quality lighting I was trying to think of what is not worth the money to me and I know there's so many things and I can't think of a darn item.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Like I was trying to think of influencer products that are really heavily marketed that anything in the skincare hair care arena all of it I it's just not my thing. I I know that some people like I don't think a 10 step skincare routine's worth it I don't think a hundred dollar serum is worth it. Yeah and I know people would fight me to the death on that.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

And there's good products out there too that are expensive and that's where it like it's hard to you don't want to sit there and condemn specific things either.

SPEAKER_01 29:52

No not at all yet most of it's just not worth it to me.

SPEAKER_00 29:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:56

But then I'll I'll spend the money on like a day hair cream there are things I will 100% and so it's so hit or miss. It's what people value.

SPEAKER_00 30:05

And I think with that stuff especially and we've talked about this with each other and probably on here too but we try to aim for the low-hanging fruit in our life and it's like I don't know that a 10 step skincare routine is going to do more for my skin than getting a proper seven to eight hours of sleep and drinking enough water drinking enough water. Like if I do those two things and then I find a 10 step skincare routine that helps people that are able to pull off a 10 step skincare routine are drinking enough water and but I know it's not worth it for me.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

No. So I don't think it'll ever be worth it to me because I don't think I value it that same way. Like something that I've really learned is I don't value youth and looking young as much as some of my friends do. And I don't think there's anything wrong with it. It's been very effective. Do they look younger than me? Yeah they do and their skin looks phenomenal yeah and I I love that for them and I don't it it doesn't it's not important to me.

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Well does looking younger make you feel younger?

SPEAKER_01 31:07

No.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

Okay. Because I feel like feeling maybe not younger is the right word but like it's more important for you to feel good.

SPEAKER_01 31:17

What's interesting is I think of those same friends and I actually feel younger in my mindset than a lot of them. I've never thought about that.

SPEAKER_00 31:26

But that's where I think you're prioritizing feeling younger I'm gonna

What Is Not Worth It

SPEAKER_00 31:30

say younger for lack of a better term.

SPEAKER_01 31:32

Healthy.

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Yes yeah because I think in the I think we're associating youth with health youth and I I think that's the yeah mistake though. Totally and whereas you're you're not like my skin is my signal for health.

SPEAKER_01 31:46

No. Yeah I mean it is if if I'm having problems with my skin that probably means something else as well.

SPEAKER_00 31:52

Yeah it is it is definitely an indicator of health especially individually but um it's not your way of signaling it. Right. Because so much of what we spend our money and our time on is how we signal to other people.

SPEAKER_01 32:03

Right.

SPEAKER_00 32:04

Um other things that aren't worth it candy crush is it not worth it every time it's I feel like you're reinvesting in candy crush for sure. Guys I am a candy crush fiend you're not a whale you're not spending thousands of dollars in candy crush not even not even you sprinkle a couple dollars in here I bet I spend $50 a year. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 32:29

Which is absurd.

SPEAKER_00 32:31

I mean it is and it isn't it could be worse. You're getting a lot of entertainment for your $50 yeah is I think the way to think about it. What's funny is after saying Lexus RX I would say cars aren't something we feel are worth it.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Not at all.

SPEAKER_00 32:45

No like new cars we don't we have yet to buy a new car. Nope I don't know if we're I'd love to someday. Sure.

SPEAKER_01 32:52

But maybe when I'm we would have to be in a financial situation like we'd have to be really living high to feel good buying a new car I think I would I would rather have the opportunity to like build a custom dream home or like there are a lot of other things that I would rather yes like if I never buy a brand new car in my life yeah oh well it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

Yeah that doesn't make me feel any kind of we have an we have nice cars functional cars cars that work great for us never bought one new yeah exactly and so it's much more it feels better not to be beholden to a car right that I know is an actively depreciating asset. I like to buy with a little depreciation already taken off of it. Ideally a lot of depreciation but yeah there's a sweet spot somewhere in there in terms of depreciation did your family ever buy a new car my family bought new pretty sure okay yeah growing up were all your cars new I'm not sure they were relatively like they were pretty new. I don't know if my cars I'm pretty sure they were new maybe like last model year but I don't think but still from the dealership yeah because I went with them two different times to buy cars at a dealership.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

My parents always drove new cars.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

Yeah yeah yeah I don't I don't know where I got my uh well I think some of it is generationally like I don't know that the gap between a new car and a used car was the same. Oh that makes sense when we were kids. Yeah and now that they're older you know they maybe generationally they just prioritize new cars more too maybe that was more of a signal so to speak. I feel like our generation buys new I guess so our generation doesn't know how to fix anything.

SPEAKER_01 34:31

I know so few people that have purchased used cars.

SPEAKER_00 34:34

Interesting oh because there's such horror stories I guess I don't know I don't know why what is it I haven't asked I like I haven't gotten into it.

SPEAKER_01 34:42

What I have heard is the warranties which to some like the security of a warranty. Yeah I get that for sure near my warranty.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

Again I try to squeeze every dollar out of my time and my value so I'm okay with a little risk if it saves me a dollar.

SPEAKER_01 34:56

Well you also going back to the chemicals and the you understand a lot of that stuff like you're able to do the maintenance on the car. You're able to change the parts you're aware of how the car operates so when you hear a wrong sound you catch it immediately.

SPEAKER_00 35:11

Yeah you know what I mean yes yeah yeah yeah I know I know what things are s scary and what needs to be repeated.

SPEAKER_01 35:17

I understand the benefit of purchasing new with a warranty because if you don't have those skills totally then something goes wrong.

SPEAKER_00 35:24

You just take it to the people that know what they're doing. Exactly and lots of people don't have the time like I have the time to tinker with a car.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

Most people are like what am I going to waste my two days of weekend working on a car when I have a family and other priorities in my life whereas I can take two hours in the middle of the week and work on a car. You just make those trade-offs and so I like working on them too. It's dirty and hot but I feel accomplished when I have done something myself so much my individual self-worth is tied into the value that I provide which I think is a a male issue broadly speaking but I'm not above that unfortunately so after saying RX I say cars is not a thing that we really feel are worth the money.

SPEAKER_01 36:07

I don't have a lot of good things that aren't worth the money I was trying to think of products but I really don't have a ton off the top name brand fruit loops worth it.

SPEAKER_00 36:16

How are they worth it?

SPEAKER_01 36:17

They taste exactly the same I thought you were saying worth it's so niche. I like it though.

SPEAKER_00 36:23

Yeah I think name brand fruit loops and fruity pebbles are not worth the money you get the exact same product from generics. Don't feel the same way about cinnamon toast crunch?

SPEAKER_01 36:31

Anyway that's been the big trend online I feel like I've gotten to try a lot of things though that I probably wouldn't have purchased and tried. And so I was trying to think of things that I have over the years been sent and it's really massively popular and I haven't liked it but I really can't think of anything. I don't hold that stuff in my head very well. Red light therapy again probably works. I think it would be worth some people's money.

SPEAKER_00 36:57

Totally it's kind of like you taking vitamins you know it requires you doing it on a regular basis.

SPEAKER_01 37:03

I take groons every day because it guarantees I take them and people and they're tasty. Yeah people are like well this this and this it's meats and vegetables you know um taking a capsule and you know and I'm like that's great and I think you should take a capsule if that's what works for you better. I don't take a capsule I've tried again and again like I have loved a lot of different kinds of vitamins over the years. Like I got the ones for a long time that came in the individual packets. Oh yeah yeah yeah but eventually when they're capsules I just stopped taking them and the greens are the first ones that I'm like okay every day.

SPEAKER_00 37:41

Yeah you're like I do get hungry and I would like a little snack.

SPEAKER_01 37:44

And if that little snack has vitamins in it yeah so be it yeah I'm a lot better with those so I I think that's the thing is it's so individual.

Mean Mom And Bad Dad Moments

SPEAKER_00 37:53

Totally bad dad mean mom bad dad mean mom. I feel like I've had plenty of bad dad moments but I don't know if anything's really story worthy.

SPEAKER_01 38:01

I have mean mom. Okay mean mom's missed bedtime oh missed bedtime well you've had a busy week you've had a lot going on I've had a really busy week outside of work hours and it's mostly been for fun.

SPEAKER_00 38:14

The thing is it's celebrating things it's not just like for sport like I I know you're not just going out on the town.

SPEAKER_01 38:20

But we went on a double date at the beginning of the week and then we had a couple different birthday things and then we have an event this weekend and totally I uh I definitely got the again you're not gonna be here again why are you never here yeah and that made me really it it really I I don't like that I really try to not have more than two bedtimes a week that I'm not there for. Because we have one a week that we always are do a date night every single week and then usually there's something going on with friends or an event or work or whatever. But I really try to be home all the other nights. When it's for work or when it's something that I have to attend because of XYZ I don't feel as guilty but this week I was choosing to go to the birthday dinners I'm choosing to go to this event you know and that makes me feel more guilty.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

In terms of bad dad I did have like a a not great stretch of dinners. Okay. Like we went uncrustables to mac and cheese to pizza ordered in over a series of days and I was like this is not a well-rounded set of dinners for a good stretch here. Kids were fine they were happy with it but yeah you did enchiladas exact well I I got back to it but I had a stretch there where I had things ready to make and we ended up going the easy route because it would it just be later than I thought and I hadn't started.

SPEAKER_01 39:47

You and time when it comes to it is really frustrating. I'm sure it's really frustrating frustrating for me.

SPEAKER_00 39:54

I can't imagine how frustrating it is for the other people that are like depending on me.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:58

I find it especially frustrating because I will throw out reminders yes and unless it's perfectly timed with my personal thought of like when things need to start you're out oh well okay got it yeah I have 20 minutes until that needs to start and an hour later I'll be like ah we missed it.

SPEAKER_01 40:16

Yeah yeah well and you'll also be like well if you're worried about it you do it not those words but you will have that attitude where you're like well what do you want then? What do you want me to do? Like I I don't know how to say totally totally no that's not yes you do not speak to me that way.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

No ever. Bad dad he's a just a dickhead to your mom.

SPEAKER_01 40:35

Yeah no but I think about that a lot when we're talking on the podcast because I will summarize something you've said like that and I'm like oh I know but I guess they don't yeah that's the gist.

SPEAKER_00 40:44

But I feel like they listen to you talk like people listen to you talk enough that yeah hopefully they think that that's not how I would address it. But maybe behind the scenes I'm the worst.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

So that does happen.

SPEAKER_00 40:54

Yeah more more than you would think a lot actually but we try to keep it pretty pretty straightforward. Fast and loose yeah we can act but not that consistently hey you can act we did our the tequila challenge speaking of that's what I just thought of too that was funny.

SPEAKER_01 41:12

I presented him with one tequila and two waters but he didn't know it was three tequilas.

SPEAKER_00 41:16

Yeah three tequilas that was a good Monday just three tequilas at two o'clock in the afternoon the rest of the day was fast and loose that was a day where we had a a bit of a chaotic dinner though dad was scrambling at the last minute let's get your word of the week and then we'll see what people had to say or ask in our voicemails and

Word Of The Week: Folderol

SPEAKER_00 41:32

whatnot. Word of the week word of the week chow chow word of the week that really was the best show of all time I haven't tried to show that to the kids folder all folder all folder all F-O-L-D E-R A-L-L-L-L-Folder all honestly it looks like a medication or something folder all yeah I can see that purplan my Propranolol yeah propranol yeah it's a beta blocker yeah what's okay wait the word is folder all folder all okay folder all means nonsense foolish talk or a useless trinket oh that's a bunch of folder all bingo nailed it love it kind of like malarkey I really like that you can also describe unnecessary fuss or complicated procedures that add no real value folder all folder all oh this podcast is a bunch of folder all uh often very often that is accurate I like that a lot good thank you for bringing that to my attention absolutely you're very very very welcome do you have any uh uh emails emails voicemails I do think we have uh I don't have them cued because why would I why would I be prepared but okay well yes or the sense of the

Video Game Loot Pocket Question

SPEAKER_00 42:40

recording you have any emails yes absolutely let's hear from the people all right first one you were both a character in a video game and you died and your loot dropped everywhere what six objects would be in your pockets mine would be ibuprofen chapstick claw clip iced coffee hoodie eyebrow gel hope you guys have fun with the question love you both and the pod Kindle Kindle that's yeah the number of times you take your Kindle you like go put it in the car you're going to dinner there's zero chance you're gonna read your Kindle you're like I'm gonna go throw in the car just in case what if like my car breaks down and I have to get it towed and I have to wait or you're gonna come get me but I have to wait and that's the priority I get that I'm I understand that it's not impossible you use it but the number of times you make sure you have it over like things that most people would look for.

SPEAKER_01 43:30

Yeah and do you know what's crazy? I went on that overnight to Tulsa the other week yeah I forgot my Kindle.

SPEAKER_00 43:35

That is crazy.

SPEAKER_01 43:36

So I had to go to a bookstore and buy a book.

SPEAKER_00 43:38

It's because you took the other car.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

Blew my mind. Hilarious um Kindle Summer Fridays lip oil or lip gloss or like lip whatever the not oil one is one of those glasses uh my broomet era flip yeah a sweatshirt like a crew neck sweatshirt.

SPEAKER_00 43:57

Yeah not a hoodie.

SPEAKER_01 43:58

Probably from Riffrath And a tripod.

SPEAKER_00 44:02

I'll allow it. The number of times you forget to take a tripod.

SPEAKER_01 44:06

I was trying to think of something that like applied to me as totally.

SPEAKER_00 44:09

That's individual. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Or a swimsuit.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Swimsuit.

SPEAKER_01 44:13

Like I'm not keeping that in my pocket, you know?

SPEAKER_00 44:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

Like a hoodie's on my body. I'm trying to think of things that would be in my purse or oh, yeah, my a camera.

SPEAKER_00 44:22

Your camp snap is your camera of du jour.

SPEAKER_01 44:25

I've been I've been carrying my camp snap with me a lot. I have that or my G7X usually. Yeah. G I after I said that, I was like, is that right? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 44:32

It's something you travel with more than most that I think applies.

SPEAKER_01 44:35

I have them in my purse almost at all times.

SPEAKER_00 44:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:37

One or the other. Yeah. Or both.

SPEAKER_00 44:39

Uh most likely these crocs for me. Yeah. My Apple Watch, my AirPods. Not just things. I'm not going to stick only things I wear. Like a t-shirt, pants, jeans, shirt. I just feel like these Crocs would be one that Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_01 44:53

They're I feel like they spawn all over our house.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

That's true. I have two pairs. So an energy drink, probably an empty energy drink can, really. I've I've probably drank the drink, but the can's with me somewhere.

SPEAKER_01 45:06

The drink, the drink. That's drunken.

SPEAKER_00 45:09

Perfectly said. Sunglasses. I almost always have sunglasses.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

You do always have sunglasses on you. I was thinking a bagu.

SPEAKER_00 45:18

A man bag of some drug.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

Yeah, a man bag.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Yeah, either my bagu fanny pack or our waby. Wave?

SPEAKER_01 45:26

Waby.

SPEAKER_00 45:27

Waby.

SPEAKER_01 45:28

I don't know how you pronounce it. I say waby.

SPEAKER_00 45:30

It's wave with a B. Crossbody. Crossbody. Like not quite a fanny pack, not a backpack. That thing's awesome. Has a little magnetic deal. Love that thing.

SPEAKER_01 45:38

One of those. That's a good question. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 45:41

Let's get another one.

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Wait, pause. What would your outfit be?

SPEAKER_00 45:44

What would my outfit be?

SPEAKER_01 45:45

Your video game character. So you're always in the same fit unless people are like upgrading your pack. So what's your base model fit? Mine's barrel leg overalls with a white strapless top.

SPEAKER_00 45:59

Perfectly accurate.

SPEAKER_01 46:00

Birken socks.

SPEAKER_00 46:01

Okay. I mean these shoes, maybe some sweatshorts.

SPEAKER_01 46:05

Like a set?

SPEAKER_00 46:06

Yeah, like a sweatshirt, t-shirt, matching set. I think that'd be it.

SPEAKER_01 46:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:11

That's a three-season wear for me, probably.

SPEAKER_01 46:13

Yeah, I agree. What color?

SPEAKER_00 46:15

What color? Olive green.

SPEAKER_01 46:17

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

What were you gonna say? Gray?

SPEAKER_01 46:18

I was gonna have a say at the same time, but I was thinking purple.

SPEAKER_00 46:22

Purple. I do have a purple one.

SPEAKER_01 46:24

And you and your dad both wear the purple matching t-shirt and short sets.

SPEAKER_00 46:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:30

All the time.

SPEAKER_00 46:31

We do.

SPEAKER_01 46:32

And it looks the color looks really nice on you.

SPEAKER_00 46:34

So that's why I I have an olive green one too. And that's what I was thinking of.

SPEAKER_01 46:37

Yeah. I think the purple is the better color on you.

SPEAKER_00 46:39

Oh, thanks.

SPEAKER_01 46:40

I mean, green looks phenomenal on you too.

SPEAKER_00 46:42

Green's a neutral.

SPEAKER_01 46:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:43

Yeah, green, gray.

SPEAKER_01 46:44

I don't look that good in green.

SPEAKER_00 46:46

Really?

SPEAKER_01 46:46

Yeah. Has to be the right tone. It is not my favorite color on me. Okay. Okay. I love this like maroon color.

SPEAKER_00 46:53

Well, and that's the color that my set is.

SPEAKER_01 46:55

Yeah, I wear it a lot in like a sky blue.

SPEAKER_00 46:57

Okay. Yeah, you do wear a lot of blue. That's true. Another email?

SPEAKER_01 47:00

Another

Advice On Moving In Together

SPEAKER_01 47:01

email.

SPEAKER_00 47:01

Hi, Joan Matt. I'm freshly 21 and my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over three years. We just finished our junior year of college. Last year we both lived off campus but separately. We'd hoped to live together, but his mom is strongly against it. I've never actually been part of the conversations about it, even though the decision has been a big impact on my life as well. The first time they discussed it, the reason she gave was that she wanted him to have new experiences. When he brought it up again this past school year, the only explanation we got this time was, you know how I feel about this. Since his parents are paying for his tuition, I understand that they have a significant say, and I don't think it's unreasonable that they have expectations while they're financially supporting him. At the same time, it's hard not knowing what the future looks like for us. How should we approach conversations about what our living situation might look like after college? I don't want this to become a fight with his mom, but I also want us to be able to eventually build a life together and live as a couple. I know your relationship timeline was different since you met in high school and reconnected later, but you were once a young couple navigating family dynamics too. Do you have any advice on how to handle this respectfully while keeping a good relationship with his family?

SPEAKER_01 48:03

I'm with his mom. I it will never make sense to me personally, and I don't want to dismiss that that's what you want. Like you know your life better than I do. But you have the rest of your life to live as a couple with the person that you spend the rest of your life with. I don't get it. You have one pocket of life, and that is your late teens, early twenties to live with friends and to experience life in that way, or to live on your own, or to all of those things. And while I don't think that as a mom it's up to you, like I don't agree with it being up to his mom. I do agree with the sentiment of like, I don't think you should live together. I don't there are circumstances where young couples end up living together, and I'm sure it works out, and I know there are people who love it. There's nuance to this always. And we didn't move in together until our mid-20s.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 48:57

And even when we moved in together, I felt so young to be doing it.

SPEAKER_00 49:03

Yes. And it was good. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:05

And we didn't have any pushback on it.

SPEAKER_00 49:07

No, no, we were both independent adults at that point.

SPEAKER_01 49:10

And I I feel the same way about like when you're asking how to approach it, like, you know, you're about to be done with school and young adults, there is no approaching it. Like that just is a fact. If you're moving in together and that's what you choose, you're moving in together and that's what you choose. And if the consequence is that his parents don't want to financially support him because he made a decision they don't align with, that's the consequence of the action. But if it's what you want, it's what you want. I don't think there is convincing people or approaching things respectfully if your goal is to achieve a certain result.

SPEAKER_00 49:44

Like I think you've handled talking about it really well.

SPEAKER_01 49:46

Right. I think that you say this is what we're doing. And there's nothing fundamentally disrespectful about that.

SPEAKER_00 49:52

No, I would agree with that. It's also so different. Are you guys going to be the only ones in this space? Is there going to be roommates involved with that? Because then I would discourage it if there's gonna be like if it's just gonna be you two in a space, fine, because of that, especially in that phase in life. At 21, the financial impact of it makes more sense than living together. That's a time when you have your roommates that are your friends, and like that is a really important social dynamic.

SPEAKER_01 50:18

I loved and I really didn't have great roommate situations in college, and I still getting to live with peers and the social aspect of my early 20s would not give it up for anything. And my opportunity to live by myself in my like early 20 years would not give it up for the world. It was so good for me in terms of learning independence and becoming a better version of myself. I just am never an advocate for young couples going from their parents' home to their roommates in college to living with each other. And it does work for some people, obviously. Totally. But that will never be the path that I yeah.

SPEAKER_00 50:59

I think just socially it's a lot easier to live with your friends and have that dynamic separated. It's complicated when you have roommates and the couple living together.

SPEAKER_01 51:07

I feel like it I don't feel like they said anything about that though.

SPEAKER_00 51:10

They didn't, but just like if they're playing.

SPEAKER_01 51:12

You've inserted your own fears.

SPEAKER_00 51:13

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:14

We have a friend that does that.

SPEAKER_00 51:15

Inserts their own fears?

SPEAKER_01 51:17

Oh. I'm sure we have plenty of friends that do that. No, uh, we know somebody that lives with a married couple. He lives with uh a friend that recently got married and all three of them live together.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

But he actually now he's moved out and see it gets weird. Yeah. I I think it worked while it worked.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

Totally. But especially in college, I think it just splits things weird ways and it doesn't sound like that's the case, but if it is another factor to consider. Yeah, you do have a lot of time. And I I like having your friends that you live with.

SPEAKER_01 51:47

And I don't think that parents get to control that. But parents do like if his parents are paying for things, they do get to choose how they spend their money. Is that right, wrong, whatever? That's a whole different conversation. Yeah. But it is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 52:02

I think you're handling in terms of the question of how do you handle it respectfully.

SPEAKER_01 52:05

Great start.

SPEAKER_00 52:06

Yes. The fact you're asking the question the way you've talked about it in the question. Yes. I think you're handling it respectfully so far. Yeah. It also sounds like you're not a part of the conversation. So there's not something you're dropping the ball on.

SPEAKER_01 52:18

Right.

SPEAKER_00 52:18

And without having a strong individual relationship with his mom, I don't know how you would. It seems like a tough place to start it.

SPEAKER_01 52:25

I agree.

SPEAKER_00 52:25

Over time, moving forward, it's just being a part of the dynamic and making sure that they feel respected and that you feel respected. And everybody holds their boundaries.

SPEAKER_01 52:33

So we do it on that note. Send us a email, voicemail, text message. We love you. Rate review. Bye.

SPEAKER_00 52:42

Have a great week.